How can I get more involved?
A theme of questions I’ve been getting from partners is how can they can get more involved. Specifically, being that taking on the role of the person forcing their partner to wear/use diapers doesn’t come naturally and so they never seem to do it.
I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to be in control of your partner’s diaper wearing and babying. Being accepting is a great first step but they’ll never really feel accepted if you’re not actively involved.
The good news is it’s not that hard and using some of the ideas I’ve already shared I’ve put together this article as a guide to situations which you can leverage to take control.
This can be learned and become natural over time, I know as I wasn’t wired with a natural ABDL mommy role.
Scenario examples where you can get more involved:
Partner not currently diapered:
They come back from work
- Meet them at the door with a diaper in hand and take them straight to get changed.
- Check their underwear upon arriving home. Comment that it smells like they had an accident (even if a lie) and say you think it’s best you get them diapered to avoid any in the house.
You’re away
- If your partner is at home or will come home and you’ll be away, leave a diaper and maybe some ABDL clothes out with a note telling them to get changed into this.
- Leaving for a few days? Hide their underwear and replace it with a note saying diapers are their underwear while you’re away.
- Ask for a diaper check over a message or video call, if not diapered, tell them to put one on.
- Require them to ask before changing and deny it until it looks near leaking.
They ask not to be diapered
Maybe they’re embarrassed, just not feeling it today or it will be inconvenient for some reason, you have a few choices:
- Tell them that’s not an option and they’re getting diapered anyway (this should be the default)
- Tell them you’ll allow it but as a consequence they’ll get some form of punishment. This should make them think twice so might be something like “you can wear adult underwear today but you’ll be getting a smacking and suppository tonight” or “ok but you’ll be diapered 24/7 for the rest of the week”
- Tell them to prove they deserve adult underwear. (This one needs a few hours spare so is best when they’re resisting wearing as they’re bored of it, feel ashamed, etc.) Your goal here is to prove they need diapers = they have an accident. Make them drink 3-4 large glasses of water and then say that they can use the toilet in 3 hours time to prove they don’t need diapers. Most won’t make it near that and will either beg to use it or have an accident. If you’re feeling nice when they ask to use the toilet, say no and diaper them or alternatively make them wet their pants before diapering them.
- A variant of the above also works if they don’t want to mess their diapers. Swap the water for 1 or 2 suppositories and set a time of an hour. The consequence of resisting and then being proven to need diapers should be long term, e.g: “ok now we know you’re not a big girl you’ll be using you diaper for everything for the next few months and then maybe you can try again”
It’s bedtime
- Have a diaper and some cute ABDL clothing laid out waiting for them.
- Ask them if they’re ready for bed and if they say yes, tell them that it doesn’t look like it and babies need to be diapered for bedtime.
On the way to the toilet
Stop them and tell them babies don’t use that and to go put on a diaper or better still, diaper them yourself.
You notice the toilet isn’t clean
If you go to the toilet after them and notice some stray pee on the seat, toilet surround or floor (all common with boys) or if they’ve left skids, then tell them off for being messy. Most importantly tell them that if they’re not grown up to use the toilet you’ll put them back in diapers permanently.
The first time this can just be a threat but on the second time you should enforce this and diaper them 24/7 for at least a few days but ideally a few weeks.
Underwear Inspections
Another great way to trigger some diaper wearing time is to inspect their underwear. After peeing many males leak a small amount so checking their underwear after they used the toilet can yield a small wet patch. Equally check at the end of the day but this time focus on the rear, and tell them that you can smell poop (even if you can’t).
Then use these findings to tell them they’re obviously too little for adult underwear and take them to be diapered. Again as before, this should last a few days. You can also step things up more slowly by going to pull ups first and then diapers.
During Sex
Experiment with mentioning diapers or them being a baby during sex. You’ll likely find this turns them on more. Little things like saying:
- “Do you feel like a big boy/girl not wearing your diaper tonight”
- “I think I should diaper you after this”
- “I prefer you in diapers for this, maybe we’ll make that permanent”
- “Will you cum so we can get you back in your diapy”
- Etc
Going; on a drive, to see a movie, a day trip?
These should all be used as reasons for your partner to be diapered. Tell them that you want them diapered as it would be easier and pick an appropriate diaper for the occasion.
For long drives or movies I’d recommend a thick diaper. For day trips a thinner diaper, which can be changed, may be better. Remember they likely will object to wearing out of fear or it being inconvenient but this is exactly why this is a perfect opportunity to diaper them.
They’re already diapered:
They say they’re going to the toilet
- Stop them and tell them to use their diaper. Likely this means they need to a poop but don’t relent and tell them their diapers are for everything. This is one of the most powerful things you can do to show them you accept their diaper wearing and be actively forcing them to mess their diaper.
They walk past you
- Try give them a “diaper pat” when you’re nearby or if they pass you. This shows you know they’re diapered and that you accept it!
- Stop them and do a diaper check. You can do this by squeezing the front and back of their diaper through clothing but ideally get them to expose their diaper to you. This shows you accept them and are expecting them to have used their diaper.
You’re sitting together
- If their diaper is exposed, make a small comment about it, like “These diapers look cute on you”
- If the diaper is hidden by clothing, do a small diaper pat or squeeze it to show you know it’s there
- Make a comment on their diaper’s state, like “you’re already a bit wet”, “I might need to change you soon”, “it doesn’t look like you’ve used your diaper yet”
You’re about to head out of the house
- Quickly check they’re wearing a diaper either subtly by lifting a shirt to see the waistband or even better is to get them to show you their full exposed diaper by dropping their pants or lifting their skirt.
- If longer than an hour ask if they’ve got their diaper bag with them.
They need a change
If you notice their diaper is nearing capacity you have a few options:
- Tell them they need a change and guide them to the changing area to do the change.
- Say that it looks like their diaper is getting full but you’ll change them in a bit. Delay it an hour and if they do leak tell them how you might need to switch to thicker diapers
- Don’t mention it but just bring diaper supplies to where they are and without comment start the changing process. Make it as if this is the most normal thing in the world.
They’re smelly / messy
You notice that they’ve messed their diaper, this might be expected or a surprise but it’s very important you don’t react negatively.
Some options:
- Mention it in a teasing but not disgusted way; “oh, do I smelly a messy diaper”, “I think my baby might need a change”, “Is someone a messy baby”, etc
- Check their diaper by pulling back the waistband or if it’s not exposed, grab and squeeze the back of their diaper through their clothing.
- Ask them to come over and sit on your knee. This is one of the most embarrassing things as it will cause their mess to spread and they’ll feel very babyish. Cuddle and bounce them for maximum blushing.
- Tell them you’ll change them in a bit. Making them wait even a short while shows you’re in control. For even greater effect, tell them that you don’t think that diaper is full yet so you’ll check them again in an hour. Or my favorite is to say I’ll change them but after lunch, dinner or some other activity that means it will be at least an hour and they’ll have to sit in it.
- Shower them with praise. As I mentioned they’ll likely be feeling some shame so tell them how good they are for using their diaper as they’re supposed to.
- Ideally when the time comes, change them yourself, but if not, be waiting with their new diaper after they’ve cleaned up.
You’re in public
- Lightly smack or squeeze their bum to remind them they’re wearing a diaper and you know it.
- Ask them if they’ll need a change soon
- Check their diaper subtly, this works best when you’re out of sight of others such as in an elevator or on a secluded section of a hike.
- Comment that their clothes hide their diaper well, or point out their waistband is showing.
- See a sign for a restroom? joke that they won’t be needing that.
At bedtime
- Prepare a bottle for them (milk, juice or water) and feed this to them in bed. This feels incredibly loving and should become part of your daily routine. It’s especially good if your partner struggles to sleep or is stressed.
- Insert an adult pacifier into their mouth before sleep, perfect straight after their bottle.
- Make a comment that you hope their diaper will hold all their accidents tonight
- Place mittens onto their hands (ideal for partners who like using their phone in bed)
- Give them a teddy to sleep with or read them a bedtime story.
During Sex
- If they’re diapered then it’s likely you’re using a vibrator or similar. Try also physically interact with their diaper at the same time to make it so you’re more intimately involved in it.
- Most importantly after the orgasm DO NOT allow them to change out of a diaper. This is a time they’re most likely to experience shame so actively tell them they’re good for being diapered and keep them diapered. If they do need to change it must be into another diaper. This is probably one of the most important pieces of advice I can give!
In the mornings:
- Check their diaper physically by touching, squeezing etc
- Make a comment that you’re glad they’re diapered otherwise they’d have wet the bed.
- Keep them in their night diaper and ABDL clothes until after breakfast or longer if possible (normally at weekends).
- Tell or encourage them to mess their diaper as then they can shower to clean up. Or force the matter by inserting a suppository or fleet enema.
- Re-insert the pacifier and/or give them another bottle.
Having a meal:
- Make them wear a bib. For maximum effect wait until a meal where they spill something on themselves and then introduce this rule.
- Feed them a meal. This can be fun!
- Make them sit in a highchair! These can be made using a director’s chair and an accessible feeding table and it’s worth the investment as it will make them feel very babyish sitting in an exposed diaper eating with with their hands or baby cutlery.
- Give drinks in a bottle or sippy cup.
Other situations:
It’s their birthday, Christmas or you just want to get them a gift
- Buy them a diaper / ABDL related gift and ideally from now on at least one but potentially even all of their gifts from you should be ABDL related. This unprompted involvement from you will show them how accepting you are of it. They will be delighted I guarantee!
- Gift Ideas:
- New ABDL diapers; buy a few packs of adult diapers. I’d recommend ABDL ones as they’re prettier and also you can buy a few different styles which they might not have.
- ABDL clothing; onesies are the easy option but to really wow them try something like shortalls, rompers, footed onesies.
- ABDL accessories; bottles, pacifiers, bibs, mittens or a new changing mat are great choices. These are especially good if the ABDL side has been something you’ve shy’d away from to date.
- Sexual; Some bondage gear like a straitjacket, bed restraints or locking clothing is a great gift. Or a Chastity cage will fill a boy with excitement and fear.
- Small filler gifts: baby powder, rash cream, etc
- As part of their gift, change their diaper wearing frequency or rules. “For Christmas I’ve decided that from now on you’re always going to be diapered at night”. “You’ll see I’ve got you some new diapers and from now on you’ll only be in these ABDL diapers, even in public”
Clothes shopping
- When clothes shopping ask them if this will fit over their diaper
- Make comments about certain items being good for hiding their diaper or “I think this might show your diaper a bit much”
- Comment on items being too adult for them or things looking childish as being perfect
- Make them wear a diaper out shopping so they can make sure things fit well
Grocery shopping or at a pharmacy
- Buy baby essentials regularly
- Comment on the baby diaper aisle that it’s a shame you can’t buy diapers their size here
- If you see adult diapers stop and look and ask them if you should buy some.
- Add a pack of goodnights to your cart if they fit them and comment that these might be useful for when you’re not in diapers.
- Buy suppositories, laxatives, etc
You have a vacation coming up
- Check they’ve packed enough diapers
- When they’re not around remove any underwear and replace with diapers (if you want them 24/7 for the trip)
- Discuss how them being diapered will impact the vacation. “I wonder if they’ll be somewhere I can change you on this day trip”, “Can you google if there’s accessible restrooms available at …”, “I wonder if I should ask the hotel for a medical trashcan in the room for your diapers”
- Buy a swim diaper if you don’t already have one.
Summary:
- Find reasons to diaper your partner even at times where it will be inconvenient
- Try increase the reasons and frequency of their diaper wearing over time. I’s start with 25% of the time they’re diapered and work up from there.
- Encourage and force them to use their diapers
- Interact with their diapers and acknowledge the fact they are diapered
- Introduce baby elements as much as possible
I’m assuming they’ve given consent to be diaper disciplined and because of this remember you’re TELLING them what to do, not asking.
A good comprehensive guide.
