you think it can’t get better, but it does. sound on.

#extradirty
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Cosimo Galluzzi

ellievsbear
todays bird

Discoholic 🪩
Claire Keane
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Jules of Nature
NASA
One Nice Bug Per Day

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣

Love Begins

🪼
hello vonnie

Kiana Khansmith
Three Goblin Art
we're not kids anymore.
AnasAbdin
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@just-dnd-thingys
you think it can’t get better, but it does. sound on.

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per my last desperate howl at the heavens,
weird me out? no. you've weirded me in. let's merge souls
Everyone at magic school picks on you for your creepy skeletal minions. One day a trio of bullies has you cornered. "What now, necromancer? There's no corpses or bones around to save you." You sigh, "Actually, I'm an osteomancer. The skeletons don't have to come from corpses."
You own a dragon cafe. People can come for coffee and something to eat and get a dragon to pet and play with for an hour. Most of the dragons are employed at the cafe, but drop-ins are encouraged as well. The dragons are anywhere from two decades old to fifty, ranging from cat-sized miniature dragons to dragons as big as horses. You love shuttling trays of coffee and pastries around with a dragon or two on your shoulders or clinging to your legs. One day just after closing hours the entire cafe goes dark, like someone flipped a switch for the sun.
You poke your head outside just in time to see a massive dragon land just outside the cafe. It has to be hundreds of years old to get to this size. It looks at the sign on the door that says "all dragons welcome!" and then locks eyes with you. It's way too big to even get in the door. You duck back inside and hang up your apron before you get a selection of leftover pastries and pour a big mug of coffee. The dragon is still there when you walk outside with a blanket tucked under your arm. You spread it over the lawn and sit with your treats.
"Come on," you say warmly, patting your lap.
The dragon lowers its head into your lap, letting out a content sigh as you pet its cheek and scratch under its chin. All dragons deserve love, even the big, scary ones.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Shit man, this wizard war is fucked. I just saw a guy clap his hands together and say "the ten hells" or some similar shit, and every one around him turned inside out, had their tibia explode and then disappeared. The camera didn't even go onto him, that's how common shit like this is. My ass is casting frostbite and level 2 poison. I think I just heard "power word:scrunch" two groups over. I gotta get the fuck outta here.
"So now that the journey's over mind telling us how you managed to acquire such a well-tamed hawk?" "What hawk? Oh, this is my buddy, he's a shapeshifter who just really likes being a hawk. It's not like he's trying to hide that fact and you guys never asked so I assumed you all knew that."
lukewarm vampires
no listen to me vampires are only "cold" compared to living humans who have a pulse built-in heating unit. but it's not like they have built in refrigeration. the undead aren't actually "cold" per se at best they're room temperature. lukewarm vampires
Item: Mystery Cube For Her
sold
it didn’t explode lmao. putting this in the kiln felt like I was tempting the kiln gods to bring disaster, but the firing went great

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are you mad that the villain identified me as the most impactful party member to mind control
NOOOOO NOT DOUGLAS
Item: Inappropriate Douglas
Wouldn’t leave my mind sorry
saw someone mix up "abysmal" and "abyssal" today, so as a reminder:
her skills are abysmal = she is unskilled
her skills are abyssal = her abilities draw upon the forbidden power of the dark void
steps out of the shower completely dry after parrying every drop of water with my bathroom greatsword

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wizard college is going to kill me I swear to god. I just saw someone without a component satchel reach into their pocket and pull out a handful of LOOSE tapioca to use as a substitute for blood in their fell ritual. and it worked. I've never been so fucking mad.
experiencing microaggressions apparently
I like the idea in fantasy that humans are better at maintaining things long term because they set up societies or professions to do it whereas dwarves and elves and stuff are like “just get bob to do it he’s got a good few hundred years left” and then bob doesn’t teach anyone else how to do it
Elf: How have you kept this castle maintained for a thousand years if your lives are so short?
Human: We just train new people how to do it?
Elf: *gears visibly turning in their head*
Human: Are you alright?
Elf: I just realized that we didn’t have to let that whole city fall to ruin just because my grandfather died.
Human: What?
Human: Wait that’s why there’s ruins of elven cities even though you live for so long? You just keep not asking people how to do things? How do you learn anything?
Elf: There’s a lot of “you’ve got time to figure it out on your own” attitudes floating around in our society that I’m starting to question somewhat.
Elf: That sword, where did you get it?
Human: My cousin made it.
Elf: Impossible! Those metalworking techniques were lost a hundred years ago!
Human: What do you mean lost? My great-grandmother learned to make these swords from an elven smith, then taught it to her kids.
Elf: That's ridiculous. No elf would give such secrets to a human.
Human: They didn't. Meemaw delivered the metal to the forge, and no one kicked her out when she stayed and watched. She always said they barely acknowledged her even when doing business with her, like she wasn't worth noticing.
Elf: Come to think of it, my great-uncle always was rather single-minded when he started working.
Human: So he wasn't ignoring her, he just forgot she was there?
Elf: Oh, he was definitely ignoring her, too. He was super racist.
#immortals/long lived species would probably have much less of a concept of legacy
#you don't need figurative immortality if you have literal immortality
(from @charlesoberonn)