Just DND thingys

T shirt that says “I ❤️ getting laid” & then on the back it says “to REST” with a photo of a coffin + the name & phone number for a local cemetery. Please follow for more advertising ideas

Everyone envies me for my shrimp lighter

you think it can’t get better, but it does. sound on.

per my last desperate howl at the heavens,

weird me out? no. you've weirded me in. let's merge souls

Everyone at magic school picks on you for your creepy skeletal minions. One day a trio of bullies has you cornered. "What now, necromancer? There's no corpses or bones around to save you." You sigh, "Actually, I'm an osteomancer. The skeletons don't have to come from corpses."

Shit man, this wizard war is fucked. I just saw a guy clap his hands together and say "the ten hells" or some similar shit, and every one around him turned inside out, had their tibia explode and then disappeared. The camera didn't even go onto him, that's how common shit like this is. My ass is casting frostbite and level 2 poison. I think I just heard "power word:scrunch" two groups over. I gotta get the fuck outta here.

"So now that the journey's over mind telling us how you managed to acquire such a well-tamed hawk?" "What hawk? Oh, this is my buddy, he's a shapeshifter who just really likes being a hawk. It's not like he's trying to hide that fact and you guys never asked so I assumed you all knew that."

lukewarm vampires

no listen to me vampires are only "cold" compared to living humans who have a pulse built-in heating unit. but it's not like they have built in refrigeration. the undead aren't actually "cold" per se at best they're room temperature. lukewarm vampires

Item: Mystery Cube For Her

are you mad that the villain identified me as the most impactful party member to mind control

Item: Inappropriate Douglas

steps out of the shower completely dry after parrying every drop of water with my bathroom greatsword