the stars don’t make that call

a severe thunderstorm warning that doesnt follow through is worse than orgasm denial

im so sorry that you're doomed by the narrative but i really need you to answer my message on Microsoft Teams

complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich

lesbian scifi is so easy. here’s a woman in cargo pants and a tank top on a spaceship. are you with me

maybe it’s not even cargo pants. maybe it’s coveralls rolled to + tied around the waist. maybe she even has fuckoff boots

hey its me, your local burden,

the power of a bowl of rice mixed with some fucking bullshit cannot be overstated

kids these days don't know what it felt like to be bisexual and wear a stupid as fuck hawaiian shirt in 2017

wait did something happen to Jesus

[one single bloodcurdling agonized scream] ok time to lock in

*this meeting could have been an email voice* this cgi could have been a puppet

I will always take the cat's side. "she's drooling on me" you're so lucky "he always wants to be petted" then pet him "he's mad I won't let him on my desk" make room on your desk for him. I am your cat's defense lawyer and the cat is always innocent on the grounds of them being A Little Kitty Cat.