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if astrology was real it ought to be affected by anthropogenic space objects. imagine being like yeah this month has sucked for me bc the iss is in sagittarius

Imagine if astrology was real and astrophysicists realized that instead of building telescopes, you could do observations by just handing out out a ton of surveys. First detection of gravitational waves comes decades earlier in 1997, after a study of 300,000 sagitarius women finds than they break up with their boyfriends 23 minutes earlier than the cosmic baseline would suggest.

My liege im sorry to break it to you but your advisor that's actually evil and wants you dead turned out to be straight. I know you really wanted to have an enemies to lovers situation with him. Yeah I'm afraid the poisoning didn't hold any romantic intent behind it. The king of the enemy kingdom is bisexual though, I could send him a letter? Yes, I'll make sure to include multiple threats of homoerotic nature. You will have your toxic yaoi, my liege

spent an hour lighting candles in the chapel and then a cloaked figure walked in in the middle of service andthey all mysteriously blew out.

my knight has the most loyal and smart and graceful horse in the world that has saved his life multiple times and mine stole my lunch and kicked me in the head

Not only should I be studied by science, but I should be studied by pseudoscience as well. Let's see of those deranged cranks can work out what the fuck is wrong with me

some intimacy and access to a skeleton army would go like crazy right now

Stop. Think about taking your exhausted knight to bed after a hard day and sucking on his fresh bruises until he's whimpering and tearing up a little and melting into the sheets in a twitching heap of muscles. You may scroll now

One of the things about writing that feels the silliest is when there’s a detail in the scene that the character doesn’t think is important but you know the reader will know it’s important because otherwise it wouldn’t be there, so you’re just sort of making eye contact with the reader over the character’s head and whispering “don’t tell them”

'dramatic irony turns you into a kabuki ninja'

I see a lot of nobles out here who think "Well I have a 10,000 square foot castle, surely that's enough space for a knight." WRONG. Knights are WORKING BREEDS, they need to go on regular quests to prove their fealty and come home horribly wounded. I have seen SO MANY adopted knights DESPONDENT because their liege keeps them cooped up in a castle and won't let them go on quests. If you want an armored warrior who will be happy in your castle you need to get a castellan. They're closely related to the knight breed but adapted to the castle environment.

obviously I take no pleasure whatsoever in tenderly caring for you while you're sick and writhing in bed with a fever

great. a chivalric order has started nesting under my porch & theres no way i can afford a warlock to come clear it out so i guess now ive got to deal with men-at-arms swearing oaths of valor right outside my window at 4 am every morning

Blacksmith/Knight is so severely underrated in general imo. To forge a properly fitted suit of armour would the blacksmith not need to know the precise shape of the knight's body? How their muscles flex and move under duress and strain, how their armour must be shaped to allow the Knight as much flexibility as possible in battle? And who better than the blacksmith to help the Knight test of the suitable to a new suit of armour?