Jibbaaaay

OKAY. So, I didn’t read the book series, but I just got through watching the tv series. I feel like there’s a lot that’s bothered me. It’s meant to be a romance story with drama, and of course they’re trying to get you to favor couples and one person over another. Do not get me wrong I love TSITP, but I also have so much to rant about that I feel needs to be said lol.

*WARNING: Spoilers

** I realized after writing this, a lot of what I said supports Jeremiah. I think it's because most of the strong opinions in the fandom go against Jeremiah. But, hear me out on everything I have to say.

So, after watching the entire second season of XO Kitty, I felt the need to rewatch To All the Boys I've Loved Before. I was trying to think back to what happened and the plot had completely slipped my mind (shame on me, I know lol). It's so cute and such an iconic, classic teen romcom of my generation...I genuinely don't know how I forgot it.

Anyhow, something I love is that Peter very clearly liked Lara Jean from the very, very beginning. I feel like it can't be considered "feelings that just happened to develop from more time together" trope. It's just the two of them being silly, stupid teenagers who don't pick up on their own feelings from the start and then it further develops from like to love. So, this post is dedicated to this. I love this movie. It's so comforting. I could go on about it for ages lol.

Disclaimer: I have not read any of the books. I have not watched any of the sequels. This post is entirely based off of the original movie.

The idea of the "fake relationship"

Unlike Yuri and Dae, who had a faux relationship due to Yuri being closeted, Dae struggling financially, and Yuri's family wanting a better reputation, Peter thinks a faux relationship with Lara Jean is a good way to make his ex-girlfriend want him back. But, let's seriously think about this. There was no 100% guarantee Gen would try to get him back. Sure, she was jealous that Lara Jean kissed him. BUT, that doesn't necessarily mean she'd try to wreck their relationship to get back with him. She could've just sat there fuming jealously without doing anything or just turn away and move on, knowing they're together.

Not only is there no guarantee, but Peter is committing to months of being seen with Lara Jean and had it in mind to kiss her as a way of being more convincing (yeah, "more convincing" my ass). This leads me to my next point.

Being "convincing"

If Peter didn't like Lara Jean, if he didn't think she was pretty, if he thought she wasn't anything special, he would NOT have thought of this idea in the first place, nor tried to be so convincing that their relationship is real. But, he came up with this crazy idea AND wanted to kiss her to really go in on this faux relationship. No guy who doesn't feel that way about a girl would go all-in the way that he did unless they were the biggest player out there who's incredibly altruistic.

Mind you, they had dates behind the scenes. They agreed to two movie nights right from the start which only they - and Kitty - are going to see, nobody else. Peter also didn't need to take Lara Jean to his friends' party - he could've just said, "She couldn't make it. She had something else going on."

Peter had truly convinced himself that he was doing this all to simply get Gen back and that he didn't have any romantic feelings for Lara Jean, especially since she was less popular and he'd just gotten out of his relationship with Gen. But, again, no normal guy would think of the idea to start a faux relationship and go as far as kissing and going on dates with the fake girlfriend. Hell, his first instinct when Lara Jean said, "Let's do this." was to kiss her passionately in front of all his teammates - Gen nor friends of hers were there to witness.

He got jealous of there being more than one love letter

Peter originally thought she had only written one letter just for him. When Lara Jean explained there was five letters, all for different guys, he got really defensive. He was trying to play it off as nonserious and sarcastic, but we all know it hurt that it wasn't just him. I know it's a shot to the ego, but there's too many other reasons supporting him liking Lara Jean that it more so hurt Peter's feelings than just his ego.

He knows she liked him before

This all started from Lara Jean's old love letters. However, even though it's old, that doesn't necessarily mean Lara Jean stopped liking Peter, despite what she claimed. Feelings can linger or reignite, plus people can have multiple crushes. So 1) Peter didn't consider this, 2) He knew and was secretly hoping it'd turn into a real relationship, or 3) He knew it could be possible but chose to disregard it.

Peter most likely didn't consider it, but we don't know that for sure. It's not talked about (at least in the first movie). So, Peter might have known and secretly hoped without realizing it (or he pushed those feelings down). But, no matter what, he still knew Lara Jean at least used to have feelings for him and still put himself at risk being in a faux relationship with her (although we all know this was no risk for him).

Peter liked her back then, too

Lara Jean's crush on him started with that kiss back in middle school. But notice how Peter also mentions how that kiss was hot for him back in 7th grade. It's clear that Gen just had the confidence to get in a relationship with him and steamroll Lara Jean who didn't have that same confidence to ever confess her feelings to Peter. But, that obviously doesn't mean Peter never liked Lara Jean. He never pushed away from the kiss or thought badly of it.

So, with that being said, Peter definitely had his own lingering feelings for Lara Jean in high school, but just picked to date Gen first. It also doesn't help that Lara Jean isn't a popular kid like Peter and Gen, and she sadly isn't considered "conventionally attractive" by high school standards.

And, in the end, we do learn from Gen that she was intimidated by Lara Jean and that Peter doesn't have as much confidence as most people think he does. That explains it all. I liked that they added that touch in the end. It's nice seeing the "mean girl" own up to her self-projections.

I also wanted to add, Peter didn't make fun of Lara Jean's boots like Gen did. He noticed them and later told Lara Jean that he thought they were cool. Him not siding with Gen just because they were together and actually paying attention to her boots in the first place speaks volumes. If someone picks up on and remembers small details about you, they care about you a lot.

Conclusion

I feel like this isn't talked about enough. I get there's some insane Swifties who talk about her all the time, collect so much merch, cry if they can't go to her concerts, etc. - every fandom has insane people in it. BUT, why are the supposed Taylor Swift "haters" not getting called out? Because, I can tell you right now, they are just as loud as the insane fans.

Speaking from personal experience, I've adored Taylor since age 10, but I don't try to make other people like her or talk about her nonstop. Because my family knows I'm a fan, they feel the need to use Taylor as a punching bag every chance they get. I would say it's done since it elicits a negative reaction from me...but it doesn't. I don't take offense to them not liking her (admittedly, I myself don't even like all her songs). I just find it purely annoying how frequently they feel the need to make jabs at her for no reason.

I'll give an example. A pop song I don't like comes on the radio. Someone in my family will smirk and be like, "At least it's better than any of Taylor Swift's songs." Like, why do you feel the need to say that? My thoughts are that it's self-projection. People who claim they "hate" Taylor Swift and/or her music most likely like a few of her songs but don't want to be labeled as "basic" or a Swiftie. They shame themselves in liking her at least some of her music, even though 1) you don't have to feel shame in liking something that's popular (it's popular for a reason) and 2) you don't have to be a part of a singer's fandom for liking a few of their songs (just like you don't transition from a fan to a hater for disliking one or more of her songs).

I know people in my family have also said it's "music for 13-year-olds." Maybe that is a decent portion of her audience, yes. BUT, it doesn't mean that you should feel ashamed if you like it just because it's not seemingly geared towards someone your own age. Taylor Swift has also had a variety of genres: country, folk, and pop. It makes sense she has a huge audience. Most people can find at least one or two songs of hers that appeal to them. Additionally, something my ex told me - who's a Swiftie that grew up in China - is that there's a lot less shame in other countries for liking Taylor Swift. He had a number of guyfriends who are proud Swifties. He said when he moved to America, he noticed a lot more men who claim they don't like her. There's definitely a difference in culture and societal standards, and I'm glad he made me even more aware of this.

Even if you're saying things about her like, "she doesn't deserve Grammy awards," she's worked in the music industry for almost 20 years now and put in a lot of effort to get to where she is today. Discrediting Taylor Swift's efforts just because you don't like her music is incredibly stupid. You look at where she started in country music to how ridiculously famous she is in the pop industry, it's a stark difference and very admirable that her efforts got her to where she is now.

And, if you're claiming you hate who she is as a person, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me either. Taylor Swift isn't known for being involved in a lot of scandals or being ill intentioned. There's never even been a time in her career where a massive group of people was trying to "cancel" her. I feel that's admirable, too, because you look at other famous artists like Ariana Grande who's widely viewed as a homewrecker and as disrespectful for that one time she licked a donut. I'm not saying you have to think Taylor is great or amazing, and I know she's not perfect by any means, but strongly hating her seems really odd to me, especially since I've never heard good reason behind why someone hates her as a person.

At the end of the day, there's people who do and don't like Taylor Swift. It's okay if you don't actually like her music - that's fine! But, when you crap on other people for liking her or make unnecessary jabs at her whenever you see an opportunity, it's weird and uncalled for. Typically, if someone is that loud about crapping on someone or something, it means they have some sort of liking or passion that they're hiding. I said what I said. I will d*e on that hill.

(Also, god forbid they show her for two seconds during your football game. They do that with a lot of fans sitting in the stadium, watching the game, not just with Taylor Swift. And, think of it this way: they could show more of her and take advantage of the fact that she's there, considering how big she is, but they don't.)

So much architecture in the US from the 20th century is so colorful, gaudy (not in a bad way), detailed, and well built. Now, it lacks so much color, detail, and effort.

There’s 50+ shades of whites, beiges, and grays that people are picking from at the hardware store. It’s so sad to see. Imagine looking at your child self or your own kid and saying, “you can only pick from these shades of gray. No color.” How would they react? Would they like it? I bet they wouldn’t.

I miss seeing so many bright and bold colors. I miss those detailed edges and walls. They need to make a comeback.

Okay, so I absolutely love XO, Kitty. Yes, I know it’s not a perfect show and it’s extremely cheesy, but those are the types of shows I love lol. Anyhow, I need to talk about my beloved ship Minho + Kitty, especially after this past season.

You cannot sit here and tell me they aren’t purposely building up these two to be end game. They make it SO clear that’s who Kitty will end up with because the plot line between them is so carefully drawn out and detailed. If someone like Yuri was meant to be with Kitty, the plot line would be more detailed. Lemme explain.

With Minho, he shows a lot of parallels to Peter (ie. calling Kitty “Covey”), he always shows up for Kitty (especially in stressful situations), he constantly looks at her lovingly, and he’s very sassy like Kitty. They keep building up their friendship and Kitty’s feelings for him. It perfectly fits the friends to lovers trope.

Looking at Yuri, although she’s a good friend to Kitty, there are plenty of times where she doesn’t show up for her in the same way Minho - and Q - do. She also runs after she kisses Kitty and avoids Kitty entirely instead of bothering to talk it out with her, until Kitty pretty much forces her to have that conversation. There’s also no parallels to Peter and it seems like she doesn’t reciprocate the same romantic feelings Kitty has.

And, with Dae, he’s so timid and doesn’t seem to want to win Kitty back in any sort of way, despite getting a bit mad at Minho. His anger was more-so for being so quick to confess to Kitty, like there was ill intent and lack of consideration towards the breakup + his friendship with Dae. Dae strikes me as the first boyfriend - good first experience but not who’s going to be there for the long haul. Him also not immediately telling his serious girlfriend that he was in a fake relationship was so messy and showed lack of care (teenagers are also just really stupid at times lol).

So, see what I’m getting at? The Kitty and Minho build up has already lasted for two whole seasons. There has been plenty of time for build up between Kitty and other characters if there was a potential relationship forming. But, that hasn’t really been the case.

My theory is that it’s going to go the same way a romcom does. There’s messy things that happen, other love interests are added in to throw the audience off, plot twists thicken the build up, etc. And, then, after seasons worth of that, Minho and Kitty will end up getting into a very serious relationship. It’s a matter of knowing it’s going to happen but figuring out how it’s going to happen and enjoying the ride. That’s always how romcoms go, and this is most likely running on that same formula.

Think of how stupid it would be if the writers of the show built up all this hype of Minho and Kitty ending up together…and then they don’t. They’d end up with a ridiculous amount of disappointed fans and bad reviews. It would feel like it was all done for nothing.

Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s important that they’ve had Dae, Yuri, and Stella all thrown into the romantic plot. Dae was the important first experience. Yuri helped Kitty figure out her sexuality (and helps normalize bisexuality which I love). Stella was the rotten girlfriend who made it clear to Minho that he still loves Kitty and that he never loved anyone else. BUT, their romantic plot lines aren’t nearly as interesting as the one between Kitty and Minho (at least to me and a lot of the other viewers).

I think this is so important to keep in mind because I hear too many people who criticize things for being cringy or not having a deep enough meaning.

There are me and others who enjoy certain content for pure enjoyment. It doesn’t have to change my life. It doesn’t have to teach me lessons. If it’s something that makes you happy, let yourself be happy.

Happy last day of Pride Month! I feel like I really haven't done much of anything this month in honor of pride, so I want to write a post about my identity. Maybe some people can relate to my own experience.

So, my whole life, I dated, hooked up with, and had endless crushes on men. It's always boys, boys, boys. However, when I was 18, I started identifying as bi after realizing I liked a girl in my class (in the midst of a serious relationship with a man). But, I've always been too scared of actually pursuing anything with a woman - I'm used to dating men and there are many people in my life who don't know I'm bi.

But, I really started questioning things during a (close to) 3-year period of being single, from 2020 to 2023, and even questioned it in my most recent relationship with a man (which ended 6 months ago). I feel like me jumping from guy to guy, trying so hard to make something work with them feels performative, like I'm trying to prove to myself that I'm comfortable enough dating a man and not confuse people in my life who don't know I like women, too. It seems like comphet behavior.

One big thing is what seems like self-projection. I have a lot of friends who identify as bi, too, except they're all with men. I always make that judgement in my mind "don't they feel like they're missing out? How are they so in love with him when they could be in a potentially happier relationship with a woman?" There's really no reason for me to be making that judgement, but I realized it's something I do a lot.

I've also identified as being on the asexual spectrum because I lack the desire to even simply learn and explore sex on my own, let alone with guys I've seen. I've always been like that. And the times I've had sex, there's physical pleasure but not so much emotional pleasure.

I'm not automatically jumping to the conclusion that I'm a lesbian, but I've picked up on a number of signs here and there, to a point where there's a list of 20-something signs that I might be.

I'm totally late on getting into the After series, but I recently watched all the movies and am now reading the third book (don't come for me. I know I should've read all the books first lol). I am very passionate about this series, including all the extremely messed up parts of it. I could talk about it for days lol

I think something that isn't talked about is Tessa being just as toxic as Hardin when she absolutely is.

As a disclaimer, yes, Hardin is absolutely awful for how often he changes his mind, yells, breaks things, and punches people in his own family when he feels hurt by what they did. Completely unforgivable behavior, and so incredibly unhealthy. But, at least we have a full understanding of why Hardin's mental and emotional health is as terrible as it is - he has an immense amount of family and personal issues, and he keeps finding out more terrible things as the series continues. To clarify, it does NOT by any means excuse his behavior, I am not saying it does - he is still 100% accountable for his own behavior and not taking care of it - but his background gives understanding as to why he tends to act so terribly.

As for Tessa, although we're given a backstory about her controlling mother and alcoholic/druggie father which gives reason to her behavior, she's somehow liked so much more than Hardin and gets away with a lot. Sure, she doesn't get violent and break things when she's upset, but her emotional behavior and communication skills are absolutely horrendous, plus she sometimes DOES get drunk like Hardin as a coping mechanism. She also often tells Hardin that she doesn't trust him, when Hardin shouldn't be trusting her either. Why? Well let's get into it.

Tessa cheats

Tessa started off her relationship with Hardin by cheating on her boyfriend from home and lying to him about seeing Hardin. She DID realize she was mainly staying with Noah because she feels she owes it to him. She also wanted a serious relationship which Noah was providing while Hardin was still screwing around, and she was the ultimate people pleaser towards her mom who got along with Noah.

Not only did she cheat on Noah, but she was being flirtatious with other guys and allowing other guys to be flirty towards her while she was still with Hardin. God forbid they got into a fight and she anticipated a breakup in the near future, Tessa would be so quick to jump to another guy. There was Trevor, Zed, and Robert the waiter who she got flirty with real quick once there were issues between her and Hardin. She even forced a kiss upon a random guy at the New Year's Eve party in After We Collided, just because she jumped to the conclusion that Hardin was cheating on her (when he wasn't)!

Tessa is so quick to assume Hardin is cheating on her on so many occasions, yet she herself has cheated multiple times. It's so ridiculously hypocritical.

Tessa hides things from Hardin

Despite Tessa calling Hardin out for hiding things from her and snooping through his things to find evidence, she does the same thing. I'll give a couple of examples.

Tessa hid the fact that she was keeping in contact with Zed despite Hardin making it very clear to her that he doesn't feel comfortable having her talk to Zed. Yes, Tessa can be friends with whoever she wants since Hardin doesn't control her life, however, the difference is that Zed has feelings for her and Tessa flirted with him at one point. I feel it's pretty normal to not want your partner to spend time with someone who likes you as more than a friend. Hardin of course could've been much less controlling when it came to this, but I can't blame him for being upset over it, especially since Tessa would most likely react the same way (just less violently) if Hardin was hanging out with a girl who had feelings for him.

Tessa also hid the fact that she was moving all the way to Seattle, and he figured out by accident that she made this decision. That is a HUGE thing to keep from your significant other. Deciding to move to an entirely different city two hours away when you're in a committed relationship while NOT telling your significant other is crazy. I get they weren't together for a short span of time, which is when Tessa made the decision to move to Seattle. But, once she got back with Hardin, telling him would've been the right thing to do.

Tessa doesn't compromise

Speaking of her deciding to move to Seattle, Tessa automatically assumes Hardin will oblige and come with her, or eventually change his mind. Hardin always made it very clear that he had no intention of moving to Seattle, despite it being where Tessa dreamed of living.

Both Hardin AND Tessa did not want to come to any sort of compromise despite dreaming of a future together. Hardin wanted to move back to London, Tessa wanted to move to Seattle. Neither were willing to come to any sort of compromise on where they should live, even though they're so in love with each other.

What's also terrible is that so many people are siding with Tessa that he should've moved with her and Hardin is in the wrong for not sticking by her, knowing Seattle was her dream. Yes, Hardin was absolutely wrong for going behind her back to call her real estate agent and destroy her potential housing plans in Seattle. BUT, he wasn't given a choice in the first place, it was either move there with her or never see her again. That's crazy. Despite him doing such a terrible thing, Tessa was not right for the lack of compromise either.

Conclusion

I love this series, but it has been bothering me a lot how Tessa is seen as such a "good girl" and doesn't see herself as a big problem in the relationship too. I had to rant about it.

I’m so used to hearing and seeing couples regularly getting sick of or annoyed with each other and starting arguments or fights. I myself have also dealt with arguments and feeling annoyed when I spend “too much” time with my partner. They’re scarily common.

A long time ago, my sister had told me her and her boyfriend don’t get sick of each other. And an old friend of mine had said he never got into any fights or arguments with his boyfriend. I was in a lot of disbelief because I didn’t think it was possible for relationships to not involve the strong need for alone time and fighting.

But, in case you didn’t know this either, it is possible. I’m finally in a good, healthy relationship where my partner and I never fight nor get sick of each other. And, I’m not mentioning this to brag about my relationship, I’m mentioning it because I’m in shock that it’s possible.

Couples airing out their dirty laundry and complaining about each other has been so normalized. For instance, my best friend constantly tells me about arguments between her and her boyfriend, and how mad he just made her. My parents constantly tell me how annoyed they are with each other. I hardly ever hear about the good parts of their relationships.

For once, I’m thinking in my mind “that never happens in my relationship…? I’m not fed up with my own boyfriend.” And, when I talk about nice things my boyfriend did for me, my friend loses some interest in our conversation. It’s not even like I overshare.

There’s definitely some jealousy involved in this normalization, too. I know because I was unhappy and jealous when I was single or in a relationship and would see people posting happy things about their relationships. But, I’m not that person anymore.

I’d love to hear more about happy things in relationships. I myself would love to talk more about all the wonderful things my partner does for me. Not this constant, normalized complaining. Normalize the good, happy parts to show others who aren’t happy that it’s possible to be with someone who isn’t consistently annoying you or trying to pick fights.