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going forward, red words are considered odd numbers, unless the words were already even numbers, like five. blue words are scared of odd numbers and so will only appear in the same sentence with them if there are green words there too. green words are considered even and five. if you trap a blue word in a sentence with red words but no green words, death will result, and will be considered odd. odd numbers are divisible by purple words unless they (purple or red) are prime or it is raining. death has resulted. a prime number can eat the corpses of most red words and some others but they will be absolutely poisoned and die if they eat an even number, like five. this is how the stock market works.

i don’t want to be angry anymore i’m never going to hate again unless someone says something really stupid or if i see something i don’t like at all or maybe just whenever i feel like it

[REALLY NORMAL VOICE] now if you’ll excuse me i have to sort these beads by shade of green and blue and whatever is in between

The bus is never coming because I don’t deserve it

i actually have an angel on both of my shoulders and no devil because i'm a morally flawless person and don't experience temptation, but it seems like my two shoulder angels maybe have a dom/sub thing going on because one angel clearly gets a kick out of interrupting when the other is talking to correct them and is super handsy all the time in such a condescendingly affectionate way, and the other angel always just gets blushy and flustered and goes along with it. which is honestly pretty fucked up because the submissive one actually gives better advice

my uncle was somewhat of a rascal. we were hanging out on the roof of his barn when i was ten, and we saw some shooting stars. he told me they were angels carrying messages from god. then he handed me his old hunting rifle and taught me how to nick one out of the sky, even when it was travelling all fast like that, and how to triangulate its location — taking me out in his rusty truck down dirt roads, unerring and unceasing, until we saw that gleaming lantern. he pocketed the note from god and took me down to a pinboard where he was working on deciphering the language with his friend who was a linguistics major but got kicked out of grad school. after they shook hands, they held on for just a bit too long and i started wondering why my aunt doesn’t live with my uncle anymore, but then my uncle took me back up stairs and taught me how to fry the angel up real nice, halo and all. it was tasty

the middle legs/slat in my bed is broken. lets see how long it takes me to fix it. not due to its difficulty but because i am unable to start tasks

im not christian but i do believe in the power of prayer. for this reason i keep a little homonculus in a dog crate under my bed which i have raised as a devout catholic. whenever i want something in my life to change i poke him with a stick and he clasps his grubby little paws together and starts chanting in latin. his prayers always go through because he has never known sin

no sorry i dontreally consume any media outside of letting this purple fungus grow in my lunggs

does anyone know what the first step of unlearning shame is. please say it’s substance abuse

*makes 2 tin can phones out of our red string of fate*

my number one skill is being sooo cute and my number two skill is the ancient curse

wish i could go missing for a little bit and no one would freak out and then i could come back and they'd be like "did you have fun going missing" and i'd be like "yeah, thanks" and then i could do that every couple of months or so and it wouldn't be a big deal

did you let me die in your arms in the timeloop

does anyone know if we have joy and whimsy tomorrow

God I hate these fucking floating monoliths. They always go, like, 10mph below the speed limit and if you try to pass them they just fucking distort reality around them until you're back behind them again. One of them cut me off on the highway once and when I honked it banished me to a hoary netherworld where I wandered, lost and alone, for untold centuries, trapped in the liminal space between what could have been and what never was, black stars dotting the bright infinity yawning out around me as I drove out of thought and time, through endless ruined cities and blighted lands unmarked by the sun's cold rays, and when I finally got out I was more than 20m late for my dentist appointment and they had to reschedule me.