You're on your own, kid

I wish I was dead

I hope to god I am not stupid enough to ever fall in love again

I'm doing this thing in conjunction with therapy called integration coaching. I don't really know how to explain it but it's extremely helpful. And last night I had kind of a huge breakthrough. And I slept so well last night and I feel calm and light today.

I'm so incredibly drained. It has been such a long day. I have accomplished so little. I sent ex an open and honest and emotional text and he didn't completely shut down, but I would describe his level of engagement as half assed. We texted back and forth a bit. I don't know what I want from him. Nothing I'm going to get. I'm an idiot. Going to go bitch therapeutically after work.

You made my.whole life feel fake and meaningless. I don't know what was real and what was lies. I don't even care anymore. I'm tired. You wear me out.

Daughter called me for the kind of emergency that I would never in a million years go to my parents for and I guess I handled it well enough because she's still talking to me about it a week later.

Every time I don't text him I feel like it's a stone in a wall I'm building between us.