Jerry Wu

New York empties out on holidays, so this little Dachshund had Madison Avenue at 30th Street all to himself. July 4, 1958.

Bruce: -need to tail them while you download the contents of the server, and Red Robin you contact the authorities. i'll see you soon.

Damian: on it.

Tim: so i'm just the phone guy now, huh?

Dick: i told you to come over to Diamond District and run with me for the night, Red. weapons dealings are always boring.

Bruce, tired: just do your jobs, please.

*connecting ping*

Jason: where's my favourite boy?

Dick: ...that could mean any of us, Hood.

Damian: i'm here.

Jason: THERE YOU ARE!

Tim: *loud snort* how insecure you feeling right now, Nightwing?

Dick: i don't want to talk about it.

Jason: ok baby boy, i need you over in the alley toot-sweet.

Damian: i'm kinda busy on a case right now, akhi.

Bruce: Hood, are you in need of back up?

Jason: no- why do you always assume everybody needs back up all the time? do you not have any trust in your children to handle themselves at any point in their lives??

Bruce: well maybe it's just because my children never contact me unless they need back up and i've learnt to expect it?

Dick: ooooh~

Jason, without missing a beat: not true, i hit you up for money like last week.

Bruce, dry: yes, i stand corrected.

Damian: what do you need from me in the alley? Red is being pretty useless tonight, he could go in my place.

Jason: no i need a child your age. i'm gonna go fight this woman in my neighbourhood, and if she brings out her kid to help her in the fight then i need you to take care of him.

*a beat*

Bruce: what?

Damian: is this the Caroline woman that banned you from your HOA?

Bruce: ...what?

Dick: oh my god, that's still going on?!

Jason: she called the cops on me for being 'too loud' despite the fact that she doesn't even live in my building and the night she called to complain i wasn't even fuckin' home because i was in Bludhaven with Dick.

Dick: *cackling* dude this woman hates you-!

Tim: what did the cops say?!

Jason: the cops work for me, Timmers. like, half the local precinct are on Red Hood's payroll and have been around me enough that they've gotten an inkling that 'Todd Peters from apartment 3B' is probably their boss in civilian form. they sent me a heads up that Carol was up to her usual shit and then told me to have a good night.

Tim: man, i really need to get my own territory so i can get dirty cops on my side.

Dick: *sympathetic click* not gonna happen while you're living under B's roof, i'm afraid.

Damian: yeah i tried to accept a bribe from a dirty cop once; Father hit me.

Bruce: i did not hit you, i lightly smacked you upside the head- you really need to stop telling people that i hit you. and can we get back to Hood and this Caroline woman? what's going on, i thought you said you didn't need back up?

Dick: oh he doesn't, Caroline isn't like. a rogue or anything.

Jason, bitterly mumbling: fuckin' might as well be, once i'm done with her.

Tim: Hood's in a civilian battle with a bunch of PTA moms in his neighbourhood that don't like him.

Bruce, slightly hopeful: they have an issue with the way Red Hood runs the alley?

Jason: *cackle* nope, sorry B! they love Hood, they just don't know i am Hood.

Dick: they sent out a Facebook warning about Jason because some kid broke into his house and got hurt in the security measures and they blamed him for it.

Jason: yeah- admittedly hearting the post from the Batman Facebook account probably wasn't a great plan; now they've gotten a massive ego boost and are trying to get an audience with the Red Hood to campaign that i run myself out of the alley.

Bruce: ...all this is because her child broke into your house?

Jason: YEAH IT'S FUCKED UP. WE HAVE A WHOLE-ASS TURF WAR GOING ON OVER HERE. ME AND MY GIRLS AND THE GAY COUPLE THAT LIVES ABOVE ME AGAINST THE ENTIRE HOA AND THIS BITCH'S ASSHOLE SON.

Damian: why are you fighting her tonight?

Jason: well, we figured out a way to attempt to 'settle our differences'. so i'm going to one of the evening HOA meetings with a bunch of my neighbours and me and Carol are going to attempt to have a friendly but public debate about the issue,

Tim: *snort*

Jason: and you know, i figured; hey, Damian's a mean kid.

Dick: *wheezes*

Bruce, sighing: Hood, don't say things like that about your brother.

Jason: NO IN A- IN A NICE WAY! i want him to back me in this debate so that he can put his skills to use and mentally eviscerate these middle-aged women while i grin in the background and drink wine straight from the bottle.

Damian: god- i- i wanna do that so bad- that's my dream way to spend an evening,

Tim: you're an odd child.

Jason: ok so get over here, the meeting starts in thirty minutes!

Damian: ok hold on-

Bruce: excuse me, Robin, you cannot just run off in the middle of a case like this. especially not to go bully civilians.

Damian: oh come on, Red can cover for me!

Tim, dryly: but then who will handle the phones?

Dick: *snickering*

Bruce: no, i'm not signing off on this. Robin, you're staying with me for the night, and that's final.

*seven seconds of silence*

Tim: *sudden wheeze*

Bruce, tired: ...what's going on over there?

Damian: you can't stop me if you have no car to catch me with.

*disconnecting ping*

Bruce: what did he-

Tim, still laughing: he took off in the Batmobile.

Dick: *cackles*

Jason, proud: i love that child.

Bruce: oh for- he knows i can track that car,

Jason: AH AH AH- YOU CAN'T. YOU CAN'T FOLLOW HIM, IT'S DANGEROUS TO HIS IDENTITY. if you bust in as Batman when he's in civilian form talking about the fucking Batmobile, it puts unnecessary strain on your secret identities! for safety, you have to let Damian attend!

Bruce: Hood, you can't just-

Jason: yes i can.

Bruce: Hood.

Jason, quickly: love you Dad.

*shocked silence*

Bruce: w-

*disconnecting ping*

Bruce: WH-???

Dick: ...genius move by Jason there, gotta admit.

Tim: that's the biggest get out of jail free card i think... in existence. he really wanted to see Damian argue with these neighbourhood moms.

Dick: i mean can you blame him? you saw the kid make that lawyer cry.

*a beat*

Tim: B, you ok there? kinda quiet.

*silence*

Dick: yeah i'm gonna head over to your guys' area-

Bruce, trying not to get annoyed with his new ward as he keeps talking his ear off, “Well, how did you know you were a giant if everything was to scale?”

Dick, resting his head on Bruce’s shoulder and saying directly into his ear, “I was wearing size a million pants.”

Reverse age of BruceDick (2)

At first, it was only for Jason. Jason missed out on a lot of years after being dead and always seemed to become distraught whenever Bruce showed any signs of having aged.

He understood. Suddenly coming back after being gone for so long, only to realize everything has changed, is a huge shock.

That’s fine. He can handle that.

But then, he noticed that the rest of his children would also have not-so-quiet mental breakdowns right in front of him if he showed any signs of aging.

Dick gets a quiet, faraway look in his eyes whenever Bruce reminisces about their time together, like it was a hundred years ago, before refusing to leave his side for a few hours. Then he would disappear when Bruce wasn’t looking, never for more than an hour, only to return shortly afterwards with puffy red eyes and a death grip on his hand

Jason would pretend he didn’t care, seeing the wrinkles on his face settle like they’ve been there since forever, before forcing Bruce to hug him, fixing his face away so no one could see it, and crying his eyes out right then and there, lamenting loudly on the fact that Bruce was apparently ready to drop dead at that very moment

Cassandra would get a sour look on her face when Bruce let out a soft groan as he got out of his seat, which was saying a lot, since she didn’t often show much emotion on her face. She would sit beside him, holding his hand in her own, her fingers pressed against his pulse. She would refuse to speak for hours, not even bothering to sign if it meant taking her hand away

Stephanie, despite not being his child in a legal sense, dropped her milkshake on the ground in shock when Bruce complained about something being too sweet when it was, in fact, not that sweet at all. She gently touched his face and shook her head, tears brimming in her eyes, “You’re so old.” She whispered before insisting on having a movie night with just him

Tim seemed as though he had a conniption when Bruce needed to put on his glasses after a few hours of staring at a screen. He goes on a long, rambling rant about how Bruce could stare at screens for days on end before collapsing into Bruce’s arms and cursing out the weakening lenses in his eyes. Then he made Bruce take a screen break for two whole days, while trying not to cry and failing

Duke’s hands shake when he realizes Bruce takes more naps than he used to. He stays by Bruce’s side when he naps, even as he complains in a shaky voice that if Bruce spends all his time sleeping, he won’t have any time to spend with him. Bruce then has to sleepily comfort a crying Duke before they finish the nap together

Damian throws himself into Bruce's arms, and Bruce has no struggle with it at all. But Damian’s eyes get watery when he thinks that one day, it’s possible that Bruce will never be able to hold him up ever again. Maybe he would have to be the one carrying an old Baba around. He makes Bruce carry him around everywhere on days when he can’t keep those thoughts out of his mind

Alfred had to stop and close his eyes for a second; he truly believed he was staring at Thomas before realizing it was just Bruce. And as Bruce continued to get older and older, he could no longer see Thomas, because Thomas never got to make it as far as Bruce did. Despite the fear gripping his heart as Bruce continued to age, he couldn’t help but be grateful that Bruce still could age, that being Batman hadn't taken him away far too young.

Bruce knows they all understand that despite their complaints and tears, nothing is going to stop him from aging. At times, they seemed awed that his stupid self-sacrificing moves haven’t already killed him, but Bruce can’t fault his children for being weepy. It’s cute, he'll never tell them that, just so they'll keep their dignity

So yeah, he’ll take the time to dye his gray hairs black, and he’ll use his most expensive wrinkle cream to smooth out his features. He’ll muffle his groans when sitting down or getting up, and he’ll wear his contact if he needs to do a lot of reading. And he’ll take shorter naps or skip every so often so he can hang out with his kids, and he’ll continue working out so he can lift all his kids when he needs to

Alfred, walking into the cave: i would like to remind you all that there is a separate laundry basket for clothing stained with blood, and it would be a great convenience to me if you children would learn to use it,

*Steph and Cass engaging in a stand-off in the middle of the cave, staring at each other, while Tim watches gleefully from the batcomputer*

Alfred: ...what is going on here?

Steph, holding a notebook and pencil: this is ridiculous. i don't care how much you learnt about body-language, you're not a mind reader.

Cass: *shrugs, smiling*

Steph:

Steph, stubbornly: do it again.

Cass, tilting her head upwards: think of a number.

Steph, eyes narrowing: *furiously scribbles on notebook, hiding her movements from Cass* ok. if you're such a telepath, what number did i write down?

Cass: *narrows eyes*

Tim: *leans over from behind and squints* *holds up three fingers*

Cass, humming: three.

Steph:

Steph, slamming the notebook down: FUCK.

Alfred, watching her storm out of the cave: ...was that really necassery?

Tim, gleeful: nah, but we've been doing it for weeks and it's not stopped being funny yet.

Alfred:

Alfred: just...

Alfred, folding laundry by himself: *humming softly*

Jason, walking by with his phone pressed to his ear: yeah- its gotta be hardcore though man, don't you pussy out on me. i wanna be fully knocked out, chloroformed and incapable of saving myself. this has to seem unplanned and violent to the max so i don't get yelled at.

Alfred: *slowly looks over at him*

Jason:, still on the phone: uh-huh- yeah, yea- i don't care if it's poison, as long as it doesn't kill me permanently then it's fine.

*notices Alfred and covers phone with his hand*

Jason, whispering: hey, psst! Alfie, do we have any more of those blueberry muffins you made?

Alfred, baffled, slightly concerned: ...i...believe there may be a few in the kitchen? if your brothers haven't polished them off in the night, that is.

Jason: perfect, thank you. *into the phone* yo, Eddie, you want me to bring you a muffin when we do this?

Alfred: *weighing the pros and cons of asking*

Alfred: ... *heavy sigh*

Alfred: who are you talking to?

Jason, glancing over again: hm? oh- just the Riddler.

Alfred:

Jason, unbothered: yeah B is trying to force me to attend some stupid benefit tonight and won't let me duck out, so i'm gonna get Riddler to show up and kidnap me before we go in.

Alfred, already resigned: didn't your father explicitly tell you all that faking kidnappings to get out of social events would go sorely punished from now on?

Jason, smugly holding up a finger: ah! you see, he said that about when we kidnap each other. nobody's had the balls to get a real rogue to do it, so he won't suspect i'm faking it. *into the phone, pointedly* not if Riddler mans-up and stops trying to treat me like i'm still Robin, anyway.

Alfred: ...and you think this is a safe idea? to hand yourself over to a criminal in such a manner?

Jason: meh. Nygma's always had a soft spot for us Robins, i'll be fine.

Alfred: and what makes you think i won't alert your father to these irresponsible plans?

Jason: *laughs loudly* yeah- yeah right, because you're a snitch, are you? c'mon Alfie, we know you better than that.

Jason: *continues to laugh as he leaves the room*

Alfred:

Alfred:

*Alfred walking into the dining room to see Jason hunched over a laptop with Dick and Tim crowded around his shoulders*

Dick, pointing at the screen: ok, ok- that one's mine, follow that one. and then Tim; you need to follow everybody but Bruce.

Tim: *tapping at his phone*

Jason: Tim, what's your handle?

Tim: *still tapping* hm? oh- just 'real tim drake' with capitalisation on all the words.

Dick: what are you doing?

Tim: i have access to the WE twitter account, so i'm gonna follow Jason from it to see if i can fast-track his checkmark.

Alfred, narrowing his eyes at them: what are you three doing?

Jason, grinning brightly at him: oh, hey Alfie! we're just setting up my social media, that's all.

Alfred:

Alfred: didn't your father specifically warn you not to attempt to put Master Jason on public social media so soon after his reintroduction to the public?

Dick, without blinking: yup.

Tim: we're gonna have Jason start a public war with B through the WE account.

Dick, looking back at the laptop: are you tweeting already?

Jason: yeah. 'they tried to silence me for speaking the truth when i was a child, and i made it back just fine. i'm not gonna give up on spreading awareness now; you all deserve to know the truth.' just to get everybody interested.

Tim: what are you even gonna say? i'll re-tweet it from my account and the WE one.

Jason: i dunno, the whole point is just to spread chaos and make B look bad, right?

Dick: maybe just something weird to start off with; get everybody's attention.

Jason, lighting up: ohmygod i have it-!

*keyboard tapping*

Tim, reading out from the screen: 'Bruce had to send me out the country to silence me because when i was fourteen i walked in on him and Lex Luthor naked while Bruce licked the top of Lexes bald head'.

Dick: JASO- *falls to the floor, wheezing*

Tim, desperately trying to hold back laughter: oh my god,

Alfred: *starting to get concerned*

Jason: this way i can piss off Bruce and get Lex Luthor involved. genius, right?

Dick: *crying*

Tim: WAIT OH MY GOD--i have to respond from the WE account pretending to be Bruce.

Jason, clapping: YES,

Tim: i'm gonna say something like 'i just let you back into the country, why are you doing this to me?'

Jason, cackling: YES. man, i love being alive again,

Alfred, flatly: boys, i don't think this is a very good- *resigned* oh who am i kidding, you aren't my legal responsibility,

Alfred: tea, anybody?

Dick, from the floor: i'm gonna tweet that i'm so proud of my little brother for outliving his NDA requirements and then @ you.

Alfred:

issue is, Bruce is just so happy to see and talk to his kids at any point that he doesn’t even notice the breach of privacy, and the kids just end up feeling really awkward about how happy their dad is to see them.

Jason will bring up something in conversation with Bruce that was only privately relayed through texts between Bruce and a colleague, smirking because he knows Bruce is gonna be really paranoid about who’s watching his texts, except Bruce just smiles and happily chats with him for thirty minutes and he’s in a good mood all day because Jason willingly had a casual conversation with him, and when the JL ask why Batman’s in such a good mood at a meeting later that day Jason just goes bright red and doesn’t know what to say because he didn’t realise how much Bruce genuinely craves just catching up with him every now and then.

Dick will stalk him for weeks and wait until Bruce has a really tough busy day at work, specifically so he can wait for the evening where Bruce finally has a single moment to himself in a bar somewhere to relax, and then he busts in loudly sitting down next to Bruce and talking non-stop while ordering a drink, thinking that Bruce is going to be mad because this was his one peaceful moment and Dick ruined it by constantly tracking him. but instead the second Bruce realises Dick’s there all his exhaustion disappears. he gets a really wide genuinely pleased look on his face and happily offers to buy Dick a drink because ‘it’s so rare that they get to hang out!’ and Dick is left floundering because he was trying to be an asshole but now he just feels bad that he doesn’t spend time with Bruce outside of patrol business.

Tim keeps watching him through security cameras and updating him through text on his location in an attempt to make him tired of the constant supervision, but every time he texts Bruce like ‘you just walked into starbucks for the second time today.’ Bruce will just openly smile at his phone and respond like ‘would you like me to get you a drink? i can drop it off at your office if you’d like :)’ and Tim has to give up almost immediately.

Bruce: Robin, stop stalling, we need to get back in the air.

Damian: can we not stay down here for a few more minutes? one of the workers of the food truck just told me they'd give me a free hot chocolate.

Dick, dryly: well thank heavens they won't charge you, because you know we're running low on cash.

Jason: *snicker*

Bruce: shut up, both of you. and Robin, you know you aren't supposed to take food or drink from civilians on patrol. who knows who those people might be working for? they could drug anything they give you.

Damian: *thoughtful hum* ...i accept those terms.

*a beat*

Bruce, baffled: what terms?

Damian, innocently: the terms that in exchange for a free hot chocolate i must roll the dice on being drugged. i view this as a fair exchange.

Jason: *laughing again*

Bruce: Robin- *abruptly cutting himself off* Red Hood, knock it off or i'll have you moved from this line. Robin, you cannot act as if being drugged isn't a big deal, it isn't funny.

Damian: but it isn't a big deal. do you know how many times i've been drugged, Father? by allies, enemies, friends, foes; it's not rare in the life i lead.

Bruce: *concerned* what.

Dick, curious: Robin, you're fourteen. what 'friends' do you have that are drugging you?

Damian: well off the top of my head; Hood once gave me weed.

Bruce, voice dropping three octaves: excuse me?

Jason: ay aY AY AY- UNDER THE TERMS THAT YOU DON'T FUCKING SNITCH ON ME?!?!?!?! ROBIN?!?!

*a beat*

Dick: well, there goes your pass at deniability.

Damian: ...ah, right. apologies, Father. i was mistaken. i have never been drugged by a friend. a brother, on the other hand,

Jason: WHAT DID I DO TO YOU.

Damian, instantly: -broke my phone charger trying to strangle Red Robin.

Jason: ... *resigned* ...ok yeah.

Bruce, through gritted teeth: Red Hood. meet me back at the cave. now.

Jason: oh shut up- i own the iceberg lounge, you twat. i've seen you snort coke off a Pitbull impersonator's bald cap.

Bruce: JASON FUCKING TODD-