shane’s better at paddle boarding than ilya. they’re both professional athletes with great balance but it takes ilya awhile to get adjusted meanwhile shane’s doing yoga on his just to be a show off

shane and ilya argue over names for the boat and eventually shane gets “wolf bird” painted on it

ilya isn’t allowed to drive the boat that first summer bc he doesn’t have the proper license but shane helps him study for the written test

anya has a life vest with a shark fin

it’s equally impressive and annoying to everyone how well they do in a tandem kayak or canoe together, paddling in perfect unspoken harmony (hayden and jackie almost get divorced)

they run off the dock and do fancy jumps into the water, making the other person rate them like the olympics

they lay on the dock together at night and watch the stars, sometimes talking and sometimes in comfortable silence

"One story before bed?" Jade whined, her big, brown eyes making Ilya's heart ache as they reminded him of Shane. "Dad always tells us stories when he's home."

"Jade, you have to go to sleep," Shane said from the armchair, smiling fondly as all of the Pike children cuddled up to Ilya on the couch. "It's your bedtime."

"Oh, Hollander, you are killjoy," Ilya said, waving his hand in the air. "One story will not kill anyone. Plus, if boring Pike can tell story, so can we!" He grinned as Shane shot him a warning look. "Okay. Let me think." he looked around for a moment, clearly seeking inspiration. "Ah! Okay, once on a time there was two kingdoms. One was kingdom of yellow and black and one was kingdom of blue and red. And each kingdom had beautiful prince..princess."

The children made ooohh and ahhhh noises, settling into the cushions.

"Of course, the princess of the yellow and black kingdom, Lily, was a little more beautiful than princess of other kingdom, Jane, but is not important," Ilya said with a smirk, eyeing Shane, who snorted derisively. "Anyway. One day, the princesses met. Because...uh...they are having a painting made. And after painting, they realize: they are in love!"

The kids let out little yelps of delight, making both Shane and Ilya smile.

"Yes, yes, is very romantic. But there is problem! The kingdoms, they are enemies!" Ilya exclaimed dramatically, throwing his hands in the air and beaming as the kids gave him scandalized looks. 

Shane couldn't help but grin fondly, entranced by the way Ilya spoke to the children.

"So, Lily–she is the more beautiful, more talented one, yes? She is very brave. She asks Jane to meet her to have...um..."

"Have tea!" Shane jumped in, narrowing his eyebrows at Ilya, who grinned and winked.

"Yes, tea! The princesses, they are very good at tea. Love tea very much," Ilya agreed, stifling laughter as the two of them avoided eye contact so as to not lose it completely. "And they have tea together often, yes? And fall so much in love."

"But it was a secret? The love?" Jade asked, eyes as wide as saucers.

"Yes," Ilya nodded somberly. "Very sad, right? The princesses were very scared that their love would not be accepted by their kingdoms. And then one day, very bad thing happened."

"What?!?"

"A...letter. A letter that was sent between them. Was found by Jane's friend and both kingdoms found out," Ilya replied, nodding his head like he was delivering terrible news.

And of course, all of the children were staring at him with rapt fascination, like this was the most terrible thing they hear in their lives. Shane grinned at the sight.

"What then?" Arthur asked, fully in awe.

"Well, some people, they do not like it. Many people in both kingdoms were very angry. They say the princesses were being...betraying," Ilya explained heavily, but Shane could hear the emotion in his voice. "The princesses were very sad, that their love was treated this way. Like was not real."

"But it was," Jade frowned indignantly, like she was ready to fight kingdoms herself.

"It was," Ilya agreed, smiling softly at her. "So what do they do?"

"Fight!" 

"No, no," he admonished, smiling. "They find new kingdom. A red and black one, with both of their colors. This kingdom loves and accepts them, and is happy for them and their love. And now, they are together forever, happily ever after."

Shane smiled along with the kids, eyes finding Ilya's. 

"Good! They should be happy," Jade said with a grin, hopping up and dragging Ruby with her towards their bedroom. 

"Mmm. It was a good story," Shane agreed, standing and gesturing for Arthur to get up as well, while Ilya helped Amber. "Inspired by anything in real life?"

Ilya grinned. "No, Hollander. Do not be so stupid. Fairy tales are not real."

Shane should have known, in retrospect, that not much would be sacred in the Centaurs locker room. Sure, he and Ilya had agreed to remain as professional as possible as far as public displays of affection, but Rozanov had taken to oversharing now that he could, and the locker room had always been a place with absolutely no boundaries. 

So really, it was a blessing that it took so long (a whole week and a half) for Ilya to make Shane rethink his decision to be on the same team as his husband.

"....just don't get it, man," Jareds, a rookie that year, was complaining to the team at large. "No matter what I do, she just doesn't enjoy it as much as I do! And trust me, I'm trying."

A couple of the guys made noises of sympathy while Shane faced his cubby, avoiding the conversation. But Ilya, always the center of topics like this, frowned. "You ask her?"

Jareds blinked. "What she likes? Yeah, man. We talk about it all the time."

"No, not before. During," Ilya explained with a sharp smirk. "While you are fucking her. Stop for moment. Look in eyes and ask: 'You like when I do this? You want it harder? You like when I fuck you with my cock, hm?' It's good because words will make her wet and also she can tell you if something needs to change. Trust me, I do this with Hollander all the time, drives him crazy, he comes in like five sec–"

"Ilya!" Shane hissed, turning and shooting his husband a furiously scandalized expression.

But Ilya just grinned back. "Consent is sexy, Shane. We must teach young rookies this. Nothing embarrassing here."

As the team laughed, Shane looked away, pressing his forehead to the edge of his cubby, quite content to melt into the floor.

Cliff(to reporter): yeah he just gets this look in his eyes when we play against Montreal, you can tell that cap is going to put 110% percent effort in, if I was montreal I would be terrified

Ilya(during the game): *thinks* If I win this game I'm going to wait for Hollander to fold his clothes then knock them over on purpose,

Ilya(still during the game): *getting bricked up over the thought of Shane refolding his clothes while angry* You may not remember where it is net is over there Hollander

Shane: fuck you

Ilya: yes. Maybe if you win I fuck you twice

Shane: *visibly appauled at whatever ilya just said* You can't say that during a game

Cliff: *who heard none of what was just said* Nice chirp cap he looks pissed

Cliff(to reporter): yeah it's incredible Rozzy is the only person who can get under Hollander's skin, he always manages to goad Hollander into playing just as hard as he is. It makes games against montreal electric

Cliff*thinks back*(to reporter): almost every game, there was a while when games were boring for a while. Hollander was dating Rose Landry and I think Roz was jealous.

Ilya: *moves to Ottawa 3 months later*