The Desolation of Blog

“I don’t understand,” Chuul’s mandibles clicked nervously, “why not simply take the tool from the human.” 

Minxx’s antennae stood straight up, a sign of shock, fear, or surprise, “You don’t simply take something from a human. If you do they will either turn the ship upside down trying to find it again, or they will replace it with something else that will lead to more destruction.

“I speak quite literally by the way. Human-Mark used to have a tool he called an “Hex Key” he used it to remove the doors to the clothing storage areas in his quarters because he was bored. When he lost it he literally turned the ship upside down by reversing the gravity.” 

Chuul’s tentacles curled up defensively, “Gravity controls are locked, how-”

“No one knows how.” Minxx shook her small wings as the memory of suddenly falling upwards returned to her. “but his reasoning was that the tool would fall out of whatever hiding place it had come to rest within. He had not considered that all tables, chairs, equipment, and personnel, would also fall. It took weeks to clean.” 

To be fair to the human, Mark had only intended to reverse the gravity in his own quarters but had, quote, “pushed the wrong button.” A sentence which would send fear through any intelligent creature in the known galaxy. To be completely unfair to the human, there were still stains on the ceiling in almost every room of the ship from dropped food, chemicals, various other liquids, and even a couple of empty bowels. Some races just didn’t find the idea of resting comfortably in their sleeping quarters, only to be suddenly awakened as they fell ten feet toward a ceiling which had now become a floor. Mark was no longer allowed near environmental controls. 

Minxx continued, “He did not find this “Hex Key.” However, he did find the screwdriver and it seemed to please him when an owner was not located. The captain let him keep it since it seemed that it would keep him from doing any more strange things to locate his original lost tool. We did not consider-” she trailed off as her wings quivered again. 

There was silence between them for a few moments, Minxx was almost unwilling to continue and Chuul was almost too afraid to press for more details. Slowly, but surely, Minxx calmed herself enough to speak again. “we did not consider what he may be able to do when armed with a leverage optimiser.” 

“We were given shore leave while the ship was being fixed after the gravity incident. Thank goodness the captain took out act’s-of-human insurance or it would have cost the profits from our next five cargo hauls.” The premiums were high, but it was worth it. “After 14 rotations, human-Mark began to complain over the lack of stimulation, he called it “bored.” On the 15th rotation he disappeared for some time and he had hoped he had found some new activity to occupy his time.” 

Chuul did, but at the same time didn’t, want to know, “Had he?” 

Minxx waved her antennae in confirmation, “he had. He was located in one of the cargo holds, using the screwdriver to dismantle one of the mining probes. To, quote “see how it worked.” It was almost 90% deconstructed.” 

Mark had claimed it was almost 10% REconstructed, as he was trying to put it back together again, but couldn’t quite remember where all the parts went. In Mark’s words, the captain was a “glass half-empty kinda guy” (whatever that meant) and wrote DEconstructed on the claim form for a replacement probe. 

Chuul’s natural camouflage kicked in and they took on the colour of the chair they were sitting on. “Those probes have no screws for the leverage optimiser to use, how did he-” 

Minxx’s wings shivered again, “no one knows how. He just did.” 

Chuul was silent for a moment. He’d never served on a ship with a human before. He’d heard they made things “interesting” and if you ever got into trouble, a human was the very best thing to ever have on your side. It was why they were so many job opportunities for humans in the alliance. All the same…the thought of a human causing such damage and destruction just because of a lack of mental, or physical, stimulation was a more than a little frightening. What if the human wanted to see how the engines worked, or the weapons?!!  “Maybe I should transfer to another ship.” 

Minxx’s antennae curled, a smile to her race. “You are safe. The captain has found a way to occupy our humans free time. During our last stopover, he commissioned a shiny orb be constructed.” 

Chuul coked their head, “what is a shiny orb?” 

Minxx’s curled antennae moved up an down; a sign of mild laughter. “It is nothing. A sphere made of shiny metals, humans do like shiny things, roughly two feet diameter made of a collection of gears, levers, screws and switches which appear complex and should have a function, but do entirely nothing. The captain handed it to Human-Mark and stated: “see if you can fix this.” and Mark has been “tinkering” with it during his off-duty hours for almost 24 rotations now. He can take it apart and rebuild it as many times as he likes, but it will never perform any task.”

Chuul was just thinking about how their captain must be a genius, when the door to the mess hall opened and Human-Mark entered. He was carrying the shiny orb under one arm, and his screwdriver in the other hand. He looked around, seemingly not noticing any of the crew members. He smiled when he spotted an empty liquid container and sat down at the table with the cup. 

Chuul and Minxx watched curiously as Mark set the orb on the table in front of the cup. He used the screwdriver to tighten one small screw and flipped a switch. At once there was a whirring and clicking of clockwork, a blinking of lights hidden in the depths of the machine and even a TING from a small bell. Then a small funnel-shaped piece of metal opened up in the side of the machine and poured a small amount of hot, black, liquid into the cup.

Mark jumped to his feet, pumping the air and yelling loudly enough to send Chuul’s camouflage reflex off again. He grabbed the orb, abandoning the cup of steaming hot liquid, and moved to the door. 

Minxx stared after them, “Human-Mark?” 

Mark only paused for a second in the doorway. He was prominently displaying his predatory teeth. Chuul had read about these “smiles” but it was still disturbing to see. “Can’t stop Minxy. I gotta let the captain know I fixed his coffee maker.” 

With that, he left. Leaving Chuul and Minxx frozen in place, dumbfounded. 

It means that during that one scene in Empire Strikes Back, these two assholes know EXACTLY who the other one is.

Also, I have a couple of things I want to clarify on this post. 

Because of the Luke and R2 exchange right before they land on Dagobah, when Luke is explaining that they’re going to find Yoda, an old Jedi Master, and R2 appears to be like, “whomst??” I now hold the headcanon that while R2 knew who Yoda was, he didn’t actually know Yoda’s name. So when they got down to Dagobah, R2 was absolutely like, “OH SHIT, IT’S YOU. HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL ALIVE, GIVE ME BACK THE FLASHLIGHT, WHY DOES NO LISTEN TO ME, BACK OFF YOU GREEN SOCK, I’LL FINISH THE JOB MYSELF, I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE.”

My part in @addieelisabeth​ DTYIS! I wanted to play with brushes a bit but ended with the set I always use, so congratulations to me.

My Muppet Princess Bride drawings found their way to Facebook and from that came a ton of good suggestions for scenes. Rizzo as a R.O.U.S. has been suggested by a lot of different folks for as long as I've been doing these drawings, but I was never quite sure how to handle the scene until a commenter suggested Rizzo's line. Maybe it resonated with me because I can kinda relate to Rizzo in this moment (especially so soon after Valentines Day!). Thanks to Paul Adams who provided Rizzo's line, and gave me permission to use it in this drawing.

Them: Oh, because of the blue light messing up your circadian rhythms?

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My mom is also a nurse and she has both witnessed AND personally experienced bullying from her fellow nurses. My dad is a nurse as well and has had his own coworkers try to sabatoge him.

“One of the students in my school’s nursing program got kicked out because she was bullying her own patient.” Yeah, that’s the fucking issue right there. It’s not that they backstab each other, it’s that they abuse the patients and they do it constantly. It is not a rare occurrence and rarely are they even reprimanded for it let alone kicked out of a program.

Do you know how viscerally upsetting it is to have been subjected to years and years of ableist abuse from someone just to hear that they’re entering patient care? Do you know what it’s like to have a high school bully walk into your hospital room with a big fake smile on her face? I do.

My cousin used to “play” with me when she was 16 and I was newly diagnosed with POTS at 11 years old by triggering fainting episodes and then laughing about it. She is an RN now and at every holiday she shit talks her patients, often outright breaking HIPPA to do it. She calls them liars and exaggerators. She did it every year until we got disowned. I’m sure she still does. I used to have to leave early because I knew that if I had to endure one more second of it and I would rip her throat out.

The peers that mocked and abused me daily, calling me a faker and a liar for having an invisible disability, going into nursing is way more upsetting to me as a potential patient than them being catty with each other. It’s way more scary to me to have someone who never believed that I was ill in charge of my care than thinking about them fighting over a promotion does.

1. To have access to vulnerable people

2. To have complete societal approval which gives them free rein to do their worst

The women become nurses because the job confirms to ‘respectable’ female gender roles

Ditto for cops and male gender roles (a male nurse would have less societal clout than a female one, ditto a female cop)

Also it grants them completely unearned trust, which makes it even easier to hurt people.

Assume the worst with this lot when you are marginalised in any way

Only let your guard down when they’ve earned it tenfold

I used to want to advocate for better patient care in nursing school, assuming they had no idea of the abuse they inflicted

But they not only know, it’s why they choose the profession.

You may get lucky, or you may get a sadist, so try to make yourself less of an easy target.

Better ideas:

- Enable ‘healing aura’ on yourself and make a fortune as a faith healer adhering to some really random deity.

- Edit a lot of wild new hair and eye colours into the human genome and watch the world get more colourful.

- Use teleport to break into a ton of museums, vaults etc. Don’t steal anything, just take pictures of a toy penguin in situ and run the most bafflingly thrilling Instagram ever.

- Figure out how to edit other people, then take the genitalia of the very rich hostage until they give all their money to a) the poor, b) you, c) environmental conservation or d) all of the above.

- Revive extinct species in really unlikely places just to watch the scientists flip their shit.

- Give yourself telekinesis and just go wild with it.

- Use ‘teleport’ and ‘glow’ to convince people you are an angelic visitor and give them a stern talking to.

- Create an ‘infinite coffee’ exploit and drive Starbucks into the ground.