In the episode that features Monica’s funeral, Frank gives a speech. He goes up and says with as much love as he can about how Monica changed his life. How she taught him to live. It’s weirdly sweet for Frank. But the moment I wanted to talk about is that the cameras centers Ian as Frank says this.
He looks contemplative. Like there’s a vision in his mind that he can’t ignore. That vision is Mickey. There’s probably regret and guilt racking through him as well. Regret that he left that man he loves at the border. Probably wondering what would have happened if he had just gone with him. Because he wants to be with Mickey. Guilt that the man sitting next to him is nowhere near that level. Even though he wants to try with him.
Mickey caused a spark in Ian. A coursing love that consumed him even when they were at odds. He was safety and a thrill all at the same time for Ian. Ian found someone he was sexually, romantically, and platonically compatible with. Mickey held him tight when he walked him out of that jail cell. Mickey held him tight before he walked into that hospital. Mickey crawled into bed, said sorry for disappearing for a while, kissed his head. Mickey forgave him for all the things he did whilst manic. Things that hurt Mickey in ways that Ian never wanted to do. Because he understood that Ian wasn’t in the right frame of mind.
There’s a parallel between Frank/Monica and Ian/Mickey. Not because they’re similar. But because they’re opposites. Yes, Mickey taught Ian how to live. Yes, Mickey was the light that Ian needed. He was everything that Frank described Monica as for Ian. But the difference is the way Ian and Mickey take care of each other.
Frank and Monica encouraged self-destruction in each other. Frank always had this fear when Monica would be on her meds. Almost like he was afraid that if she was stable she would realize the kind of man he is and leave for good. Of course, she’s still a grown woman with agency. She was in charge of her mental health and chose not to take care of it and let it run amok. But seeing how excited Frank got when she was acting “crazy” emboldened her further to not take her meds. Monica encouraged Frank’s drinking and drug use. In that speech he gave, Frank revealed that it was Monica that introduced him to hard drugs. The rest is history. She liked him getting high or drunk as she saw it as thrilling. Like Monica, Frank is an adult who had the ability to get sober. He never took it though. A lot of that stems from the “fun” he had with Monica.
The main difference is that Mickey and Ian want to be the best versions of each other. And they encouraged the other to do the same. When Ian was diagnosed with bipolar, Mickey was the most supportive and caring of his situation. Even when they went into married life, we see subtle signs that Mickey still makes sure that Ian is taking care of himself. There’s even a deleted scene where he checks in on Ian; asking if he was okay, noting that his husband was slipping into a depressive episode, made sure he was taking his medication. Unlike Frank, Mickey isn’t afraid of Ian having a stable footing. He wants that because he doesn’t want Ian to suffer. Ian can talk Mickey down like no one else can. With both the situation with Terry and Mickey’s anxiety about moving to the West Side, Ian offered emotional support. He listened to his husband, knew all the ways to calm Mickey. He doesn’t want Mickey to spiral and to instead stay afloat. Unlike Monica, Ian doesn’t encourage the destructive side of Mickey for his own fun. He wants the happy Mickey who feels comfortable with voicing his emotions.
Mickey and Ian have their problems. Every couple does. Sometimes, they don’t handle it the right way. But, when the storm passes, they take a breath and talk to one another. Making it clear they still love each other. They accept each other at their worst. They encourage each other at their best.
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