new account, new me

You're talking with a cishet man, and the conversation has turned a little bit serious, you're talking about your feelings or maybe your family, and in a moment of really letting your guard down, you tell him something personal. In my experience, this often happens when I come out as gay, which often takes me a few weeks or months after meeting a new person, but I've seen it happen when someone opens up about drug addiction, or their wife cheating on them, or basically anything where you might want the other person to keep it a secret.

In response to this revelation, the strait man immediately gives you verifiable kompromat on himself, as a way of reassuring you that hey, you gave him a big secret he could socially wreck you with, now he will give you one of his, so you're both safe. You were out on a limb, telling him you have a husband, so now he's telling you about the time he committed treason. Now we're even, I can't betray you by gossiping, because you could get me locked up for 20-to-life. Mutually assured destruction.

It's rude. You're making someone take their time to read something you couldn't bother to write. You're telling them they were so unimportant you couldn't be bothered to actually take the time to say something yourself. And frankly, you're lying about it while you're at it.

he had so much sex his biographers straight up gave up trying to document all of his sexual partners. he was reported to fuck up to 3-9 times a day. He had a secret sex diary written in code. He had “official” and “unofficial” mistresses. One estimate was that he had ~200 sexual partners in two years. 

Many articles make similar claims to those above. However, much of this information circulates without a clear source, and I have struggled to find reputable/high level sources for some of this information. Therefore, keep in mind that some of this may be exaggerated or potentially unreliable.

Obviously, I cannot account for the sexual of history of every human who has ever lived, but evidence does suggest that Victor Hugo had a… lively sex life.

From Medium: ‘Sex was so involved in Hugo’s daily life that one biographer wrote the following while describing a typical day in Hugo’s life:

“It was not unusual for him to make love to a young prostitute in the morning, an actress before lunch, a courtesan as an aperitif, and then join the also ­indefatigable Juliette for a night of sex.”

[…] Hugo claimed that on the wedding night, he and his wife had sex nine times.’

His encoded sex diary is referenced on Wikipedia, but when I found an English translation of the source, I couldn’t find where in it they were sourcing.

From Wikipedia: ‘He systematically reported his casual affairs using his own code, as Samuel Pepys did, to make sure they would remain secret.’

The source is listed as: ‘Hugo, Victor, Choses vues 1870–1885, p. 529, ISBN 2070361411, pp. 371, 521 (n. 1).’

I’ve found Choses Vues here in the original French and here translated into English. If anyone can find anything in here about the encoded sex diary, please let me know!

His 'official mistress’ is likely in reference to Juliette Drouet.

From EBSCO: 'Since 1833, Hugo had maintained a liaison with a beautiful female actor, Juliette Drouet, who for twelve years followed a cloistered existence relieved only by six-week summer holidays with her lover.’

His 'unofficial mistress’ is likely in reference to Léonie d’Aunet Biard.

From The Common Reader: 'Overlapping was a seven-year affair with travel writer and Arctic explorer Léonie d’Aunet Biard, whose husband finally brought a police officer to the Paris hotel and caught them in flagrante.’

I have found articles that circulate the '200’ claim, but none that give a source for the information.

From Medium: 'Not only that but he bedded 200 women in this hotel in just two years.’

The claim that brothels were closed on the day of his funeral is again circulated frequently without claim. The only sourced part of the claim I can find is a second hand report that sex workers had 'draped their gentials in black crepe’.

From The Guardian: ’[…] when Hugo died the brothels of Paris closed down for a day of mourning, allowing all the city’s sex workers to pay their last respects to a loyal client. Literary critic Edmond de Goncourt claimed a police officer told him that sex workers even draped their genitals in black crepe as a mark of respect.’

And an estimated 2 million people attended his funeral procession.

From Funeral Conflicts in Nineteenth-Century France: 'Two million people came to see Hugo’s body lying in state at the Arc de Triomphe’

Potatoes, while obviously the single most lifegiving crop in human history, have gotten a bit of an unfair rap in the media. Be it because of carbohydrates, not enough greenery, or the fact that everyone only eats them fried to a crisp in oil and heavily salted, it seems like there is always a chance for our so-called "truth tellers" to deliver a slam to the noble spud.

Of course, improving your mood will require cooking a potato. Eating them raw does not seem to make me feel any better. And that can be difficult, if you are already feeling pretty terrible. That's why I think we should replace the police with people who hand out a baked potato. They could have like a little oven or something with them and when you want one, you get one.

Now, now, I hear a lot of you saying: oh, but then who will arrest the criminals? That's scarcity thinking. There'll be no criminals anymore. If you're feeling like you might want to rob a bank, it's possible that you just need a baked potato. With chives, little sour cream, bacon bits? Any nearby Potato Officer will provide, and then you can go right back to having a productive life, doing some kind of weird hobby instead of threatening to shoot a bunch of people unless they give you money that you would just use to buy potatoes anyway.

It's the same beef I have with Fallout. I know they excuse humans being so slow to redevelop society with all "knowledge being lost in the war" but that's just...not how things work. Humans figured out construction and farming very early. There's no way for humans to truly forget how to do this stuff, especially since people survived and could preserve and share what they know. But I just cannot fathom how in 300 years no one's figured out construction or fiber arts or soap making or anything humans have historically figured out super early in the process of being human.

And the only way I can see someone write a world like that is if they either didn't care (fine, it's not real and I get digging the apocalypse vibe) or were so divorced from the process of labor and creation that they actually think those things are way too hard for someone to figure out on their own.

If you think humans couldn't do these things without being taught or helped you have a very warped idea of technological progress and human ingenuity. No one taught humans how to build and create, we figured it out on our own, and it was not just smacking rocks together until something clicked either, ancient humans were just as intelligent as modern ones, they could use logic and reasoning to figure out how to do something new based on what they already know.

Archeology educator Milo Rossi in his Ancient Aliens debunked video (link under the cut)

I'm not sure why I'm telling you. I feel like SOMEONE in the hockey community needs to know about the game that derailed an orgy.