By the second month of this the loneliness began to creep in. It began as skipping meals with the team every now and then to eventually never leaving your apartment. Steve was quick to catch on and would visit you at least a few times a week to give you company. Eventually Steve was at your apartment every morning with your favorite coffee. He would stay for hours, sometimes you would talk and other times you wouldn’t need words to fill the silence, just having someone around was nice. The fifth month was the hardest, Bucky was only home one day in between missions. He spent most of that time recovering from the previous mission. Knowing he was leaving so soon made his return feel almost hollow.

“Good morning beautiful,” Bucky’s sleep filled voice mumbled as his arms circled around your waist.

A startled intake of breath rushed from you as you gripped your coffee mug tighter. His face nuzzled against your neck as his lips left a trail. You hated the feeling of sadness that consumed you at his actions. You should be happy he’s home! He’s doing all of this to make sure you are safe! Your subconscious screamed at you. You felt sick as you pulled away from him and move closer to the window in your living room.

You didn’t see the confusion across his face as he analyzed you searching for anything he might not have noticed. Were you hurt? Sick? Did something happen? He could tell you were distant, sad even and he wasn’t expecting it.

“Babe are you okay?” he asked.

You turned to look at him and his heart broke at the sadness there. You just nodded in response before curling up on one end of the couch and cradling your coffee mug.

“Do you need anything? Are you sick?”. Once again you shook your head and focuses on your mug. Bucky sat on the coffee table in front of you, his hand resting against your leg.

“Do you want to talk?”

“No,” you croaked out. “I’m okay” you assured him with a small smile.

With a sigh he stood and looked down at you, worry marking his face.

“I have to pack. I’m sorry”

Within hours Bucky was gone again and you were left shattered inside.

 Steve continued to show up every morning with coffee but unlike the last times you never answered. You had decided to cocoon yourself beneath blankets and hide away, avoiding all contact.  By the fourth morning Steve was determined to get you to answer the door.

“Y/N answer the door!” he yelled as he pounded against the door, “Y/N if you don’t open up I’m breaking the door down!”

He landed three more pounds before he heard footsteps coming toward the door. The chain rattled as you unhooked it from the other side and the hinges squeaked as you opened the door. Steve quickly took the chance to enter your apartment and you quickly shut the door behind him. He turned to look at you and his heart shattered.

Your skin was sickly pale, eyes red and bloodshot from crying, your hair was matted, and he knew you probably hadn’t functioned since Bucky left again.

“Y/N, honey, are you okay?”

The warmth from Steve broke you and for the millionth time since Bucky left you cried. Steve quickly gathered you into his arms and carried you to the couch. He sat first before placing you across his lap and pulling you into him. Sobs ripped from your chest as Steve stroked your hair and whispered calming words. After some time, your tears dried and you sat still soaking in the comfort Steve provided.

You raised your head and sat up on Steve’s lap before turning to look at him.

“Thank you,” you told him.

“You know I will always be here for you Y/N.”

Steve’s hand came up to gently cradle your face and you couldn’t help but nuzzle into it. Before you could comprehend your actions, you leaned into Steve, your lips pressing against his. Steve was still for a second before he blazed to life. His hands roamed around your body as your lips crashed against each other’s. You twisted in Steve’s lap, your legs on either side of his lap and your weight resting against his lap. One of Steve’s hands skimmed your side before sliding under your shirt. His warm hand palmed your breast causing a moan to pour from you.  

What you were doing suddenly hit you and you stumbled back as you threw yourself from Steve’s lap. Your chest heaved with breaths as you attempted to gather yourself. You couldn’t look at Steve, your mind a jumbled mess as you mumbled something and retreated to your bathroom. 

You stumbled through the motions of turning the water on for a shower, undressing and showering. You don’t know how long you were in there but by the time the fog began to clear from your brain the water had ran ice cold. You got dressed and made your way back to the living room, torn between wanting to see Steve and wanting it all to disappear.  

All you found was a note on the coffee table next to your forgotten mug. 

I will be back in a bit. I wanted to give you time before we talk. I love you Y/N. -Steve

With nerves fluttering through your system you bundled up in your winter jacket before going to your living room and grabbing your phone. Before you could check to see if you had and messages a knock sounded on your front door. Your boots clunked across the hardwood floor like the rapid beating of your heart. You wiped your sweaty hands on your pants before grasping the cold door handle and opening the front door. Your breath rushed out as you took in the man before you and his heart breaking grin. 

“Hey you,” he smirked as heat blossomed across your cheeks. 

“Hey! I’m almost ready, let me grab my purse,” You said as you backed up allowing André entrance to your apartment. 

André waited by the door while you rushed back to the living room. You quickly gathered your things and made your way back to him. 

“Ready?” he smiled down at you. 

“Yeah! I’ve actually never skated before so this is a first for me” you responded as you locked the door behind the two of you. 

When you turned around André was looking at you like you had grown a second head. 

“What?” you asked

“Why didn’t you tell me you haven’t skated? You can’t date a hockey player and not ice skate!” he said as a grin spread across his face. 

Laughing, you both made your way out of your apartment complex. André opened the door to his car for you and once you were situated he shut it before making it around to the drivers side. The car started with a purr as warm air pushed out of the vents which warmed you from the cold Colorado air. 

André turned to look at you, “I bought you something… It’s not much but I hope you like it,” a pink colored his cheeks at the admission and he turned around toward the backseat reaching for something.  He returned to the driver's seat with a giant box before smiling and handing the box to you. As you opened the box a gasp fell from your lips. Inside was a Colorado Avalanche jersey and hat with a pair of brand new skates.  

“André! Thank you! This is awesome!” you exclaimed, unable to hide how excited you were. This gift might seem small to most people but this was André letting you into his world. Not only would you be meeting his teammates but you would be meeting them with his name on your back. 

“I had to claim you before anyone else beat me to it,” he laughed, just as excited as you were. 

Nerves began to really sink in once you and André were walking into the rink. What if his teammates didn’t like you? What if the wives and girlfriends didn’t like you? What if you embarrassed him? André’s thumb brushing across the back of your hand drew you from your anxious thoughts. 

“You okay?” he asked. 

“Yeah, just a little nervous” 

“Ah don’t worry they will love you. Promise.” 

You both made your way into the arena. Staff milled about everywhere but André didn’t stop to talk to anyone until he made it to the locker room. The locker room was crowded. People milled about everywhere, some with jerseys on and some with skates on or in the process of being on. It was kinda crazy at how many people were crammed into this area and it made you even more anxious. You prayed you wouldn’t embarrass André in front of all the people. 

André tugged you across the room until you stood in front of one specific locker with the name “Burakovsky” on the nameplate across the top. You turned to André and laughed at the huge smile across his face. He looked just like a child showing his prize to his parents and his happiness was infectious. 

“This one’s mine.” he smiled, “Lets get your skates on.” 

You sat in his locker stall before he crouched in front of you. You kicked your shoes off while he worked on loosening the laces on your skates. Once the laces were loose André lifted your foot into the skate and tied them before repeating the process with your other foot. He stood up in front of you and held his hands out to you, pulling you to your feet. You wobbled and André’s hands quickly settled around your waist to steady you. 

“You good?” he asked 

“Mm huh,” you nodded. 

“Good, you can’t forget this though.” he smirked as he held his jersey out to you. As gracefully as you could without falling you slipped into his jersey. Once you were steady André sat in his stall and quickly put his skates on.

Once that was done you both made your way out of the locker room and to the ice. André stepped onto the ice first before turning and reaching for you. You took one step before your stomach dropped as you felt your feet slip. André was quick to steady you.

 “I got you,” he said, his breath fanning your face. You didn’t realize how close you were until that moment. His brown eyes searching your face and for a moment you thought he was leaning closer. 

“Ay none of that Burky!” a voice called out. You pulled back, adjusting your jersey as embarrassment flooded your veins. You almost had your first kiss in front of an entire arena full of people. 

Slowly André pulled you around the rink. Cold wind whipped across your cheeks and laughter bubbled into your chest as his skates dug in and pulled you faster and faster. The two of you were so wrapped up in each other you didn’t notice anyone else. 

In a split second the joyous moment was broken. One second you were laughing at André’s childlike behavior and the joy across his face and the next you felt something hit you hard. You didn’t have time to brace yourself or register the horror across André’s face before you collided with the ice hard. Seconds later, once no major pain registered, you opened your eyes to a frantic André. 

“Y/N! Y/N! Are you hurt?” his eyes searched everywhere followed by his frantic hands. “Baby, Y/N, can you hear me?” 

Your eyes quickly snapped to his eyes as you nodded, “Yeah. yeah. I’m okay” 

You moved your limbs checking for pain before moving to sit up. André was quick to help, one of his hands supporting your back as you sat up. A small whimper left you as the pain in the back of your head registered. Before you could turn to André to tell him your head hurt a little he was yelling at someone. Moments later another person crouched in front of you. 

“Hey I’m just going to check your head really quick. That was quite the fall!” he said. 

You just nodded before he shined a light in your eyes and asked you some questions. Soon enough he explained to you and André that you had a small bump on the back of your head which would probably be tender for a couple days and you might have a small headache. André had been quiet the whole time, tension radiated from him as he listened but it ebbed as the trainer explained nothing major was wrong. 

Once the trainer had walked away André turned to you with a tight smile. 

“Let’s get you home, yeah?” he asked and you nodded. 

André quickly scooped you up from the ice and skated toward the rink door. Embarrassment bubbled in your stomach. You had managed to do the one thing you didn’t want to do, you had embarrassed André in front of his second family. No wonder he was so upset, he probably wouldn’t want anything to do with you after this. He was quiet as he made his way back to the locker room. He placed you in his stall before crouching in front of you to take your skates off. It broke your heart seeing him so sad. 

“André, I'm okay. It’s okay” 

“Yeah” he said as he gave you a tight smile. 

Your stomach sank at his reaction. With your skates off you stood and waited for him to remove his. The walk to the car and the drive home was quiet, it was a stark difference from the trip to the arena. André politely opened your door and walked you to your door. Your hands were shaking with nerves, you didn’t want this to be the end of your relationship. You had quickly grown attached to André, he warmed the dark parts of you and you didn't want it to end. Your hands were shaking so bad you were struggling to get the key in your front door. André placed his hand over yours and pulled the key from your hand. 

“I can help” he said as he put the key in the lock and opened the door. 

You both made your way into your living room, you shed your coat and shoes as you made your way to your couch. André stood in the living room doorway, his coat still on as sadness poured from him. Silence blanketed the two of you until André cleared his throat. 

“I’m sorry. I can understand if you don’t want to see me again” his voice breaking at the end. 

Shock filled your system and you jolted to your feet. The quick movement caused your head to thump and you couldn’t hide the wince that sliced across your face. André quickly moved in front of you, his hands hovering as if he was afraid to touch you. 

“André, why wouldn’t I want to see you again? I embarrassed you in front of everyone.” 

“No, I should’ve been quicker, I should’ve seen him coming and I didn’t. You got hurt because of me.” 

Realization flooded you as the words he said registered. He wasn’t mad at you, he was mad at himself for getting you hurt. 

“André I’m fine I promise, just a small headache.” You stepped forwards and reached for his hand. “I very much want to see you again.”

His eyes bore into yours, searching for any sign that you weren't telling the truth. He must have found what he needed because his whole body relaxed as his arms came around you, pulling you to him. 

You melted into his chest as his warmth spread through your body. 

“No more getting hurt,” he mumbled against your head. 

A smile tugged at your lips as you nodded against his chest. “I’ll try,” you promised.