Iowa Affirmation & Resources Chat

Part of being close to someone is helping them when they have troubles. I want my friends to come to me when they have a problem, and my guess is that most people feel that way about people they care about.

Being upset or distressed is not a problem if those emotions are needed in order to encourage someone to find solutions. Sometimes you have to experience negative emotions in order to be motivated to solve problems.

Also Habitica.com (for motivation and to-do lists) and  Booster Buddy (available on ios and android, for mental health help) are a couple of excellent free resources if you need an outlet but don’t want to dump on your friends or can’t afford therapy.

I am so glad you were born.

You are a good person.

I love who you are and am doing my best to always be on your side.

You can come to me whenever you’re feeling hurt or bad.

You do not have to be perfect to get my love and protection.

All of your feelings are okay with me.

I am always glad to see you.

It is okay for you to be angry and I won’t let you hurt yourself or others when you are.

You can make mistakes. They are your teachers.

You can know what you need and ask for help.

You can have your own preferences and tastes.

You are a delight to my eyes.

You can choose your own values.

You can pick your own friends, and you don’t have to like everyone.

You can sometimes feel confused and ambivalent, and not know all the answers.

self harm alternatives

let yourself cry

draw on your skin with red marker

go for a quick walk

scribble recklessly on paper

rip up a newspaper or magazine

write a positive letter to yourself

take a bath and pamper yourself

start a journal and get creative

cuddle with a pet

write a list of things you like about yourself

splatter paint on a large piece of paper

chew a piece of ginger root

pick a random subject and research it

reorganize something in your room

1. self-soothing

comforting yourself through the 5 senses

Touch: stuffed animals, stress balls, taking a bath, a soft blanket

Hear: music, audio book, guided relaxation

See: snow globe, glitter, calming images, art, anything that pleases you visually 

Taste: tea, mints, gum

Smell: lotion, candles, incense 

2. distraction

removing your focus from the stressor for a period of time

puzzles, art, crafting, reading, movies, gaming, exercise, being social

3. opposite action

doing the opposite of the impulse that aligns with a positive emotion

affirmations, inspiration, lighthearted and encouraging focus

4. emotional awareness

identifying and constructively expressing what you’re feeling

journaling, listing emotions, using a emotional identification chart, drawing, therapy

5. mindfulness

centering and anchoring yourself to the present moment

meditation, guided relaxation, yoga, breathing exercises, candle gazing, going for a walk

6. ask for help

this is important to do when you feel like your coping skills are not enough or they are too negative and detrimental  

therapy is ideal for helping a person create a healthy coping strategy and incorporate it into their life 

It’s been a while since I’ve made a post, and I figured that these tips might be extra helpful with exam season approaching. As someone who struggles a lot with procrastination, I do everything I can to fight the urge to put assignments off until the last minute (even though I’m not always successful). 

the goal of recovery is not “moving on” the goal of recovery is not forgiveness the goal of recovery is not indifference to those who traumatized you the goal of recovery is not getting back to who you were before trauma the goal of recovery is not the elimination of all ptsd symptoms the goal of recovery is not the fading of strong emotions about your trauma the goal of recovery is not the ability to never think about your trauma anymore

the goal of recovery is getting to a place where you can prioritize your own safety, autonomy, self love, and connection with others.

(Image text: “I will no longer entertain debate about my right to exist.”)

By Bri, an advocate. Adapted from the original post at thehotline.org.

“He’s really a great guy, though.” “I know this isn’t okay, but she’s made me feel so special, and I just love her so much.” “They were so loving and sweet, and the good times are the best I’ve ever had.”

We often hear people say these kinds of things. Many of them struggle to understand why their partners, who were once so kind and loving, now treat them in hurtful and abusive ways. It can be so confusing because the abuse isn’t happening constantly. Most partners aren’t abusive all the time, so it makes sense to think they could go back to being that “kind and loving” person and stay there. In most of these relationships, though, when a partner acts nice, it’s really just that: an act. Thinking about their behavior in this way can be helpful by allowing you the space to prioritize your safety and well-being.

Act I: Auditioning for the Role

How Abusive Partners Start Relationships

Many abusive people are really charming, especially at the beginning of a relationship and in the first stages of dating. You might begin to feel like they understand you better than anyone else and can treat you better because of it. Under these conditions, it would be hard for anyone not to become really attached and develop strong feelings of love unlike anything they’ve felt in the past.

Things you can do at the same time!

Be excited about Beyoncé - and - Be horrified by current events

Care about homeless U.S. citizens - and - Care about refugees

Love your country - and -  Want it to be a more kind place