hold me to the light let me shine

Guess the grim reaper got tired of playing with Schrodinger’s turtle and said NEXT

many women are excited to get old and weird, but i have great news that it's fully possible to become weird now, before you get old. just imagine the heights of weirdness you will be able to reach in fifty years if you get started now. that's what I think

Every time I see that last pic, I have to note that the funniest line is the one immediately after the highlight

Hey everyone, looks like the “cat summoned for jury duty” was ai generated - even has the ai symbol at the top. Thanks for the heads up, @cannot-all-throw-inkpots . My apologies- I did not realize when I shared it.

Aww dangit. Guess that makes sense, but it was so believable because I can 100% see that kind of goofup happening

Some positive news: There really WAS a cat summoned for jury duty back in 2010. Turns out the error was quickly corrected and the cat did NOT actually have to travel to the courthouse. But at least we can enjoy the fact that a papereork glitch did once try to give a cat jury duty XD

just a heads up. im gonna do a big curse soon

okay so honestly i wasn’t expecting they’d be able to hide the body for this long

LINDSEY GRAHAM ?

cooking with garlic? jerk off your sink

understood. if i ever have to sabotage a space launch… garlic.

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

Disney is doing crazy things in the japanese mobile game sphere rn

i dont know what love island is but from what ive heard its like danganronpa for people that use snapchat

that was everything I was hoping it would be. marvelous

I love this because you know exactly where it's going and you're not disappointed

I was so looking forward for the Jupiter gravity and it didn't disappoint and THEN THE SUN GRAVITY MADE ME HOLLER

i think you could reach escape velocity on pluto by just jumping really hard

THWE DRAMATIC PAUSE IN THE SUN GRAVITY HAD ME

Computers are so scary what if I accidentally hit F12 in a steam game and it takes a screenshot. What if I press shift + F12 while in word and accidentally save my document 😖

If you had to learn what the F keys on your computer do through me reblogging this post, then I'm glad you did. Computer literacy is not a skill that gets taught anymore, and it is absolutely one that needs to be taught in order to be learned. Don't ever feel bad for not knowing something, but ☝️ don't ever stop learning learning about your environment, the tools you use, and especially the people around you

Never stop learning+ Never stop sharing what you learned

transition timeline

winding up for a thunderous soviet slap on th ass