*pspsps*

i need (abruptly stops talking & stares at some random fixed point with a vacant expression)

idk what yall are mad about the new Lies Your Older Cousin Tells You machine is working great

Happy horse on mars day

used to think it terribly silly (and kinda funny) when fantasy or sci-fi stories would have people refer to major recent historical events as The Flood or The Incident or The Revolution, and im sure historians fucking hate that because it's not helpful or descriptive, but we sure do be calling it The Pandemic

beautiful women will be like “i baked a cake” and you will say “oh ? what flavour is it” and they say well its a honey rosewater apricot pistachio cardamom vanilla fig jam earl grey poppyseed orange blossom extra virgin olive oil chiffon sponge soaked in raspberry elderflower champagne lipgloss pomegranate matcha ginger blueberry cherry blossom magnolia petal almond passionfruit persimmon syrup with whipped amalfi lemon limoncello ricotta goats cheese honeycomb black pepper bergamot lemon thyme lemon balm rosemary chantilly whipped cream cream cheese feta cheese italian meringue frosting . like ok. i want to spend the rest of my afternoons walking around inside your beautiful mind like a garden

Sometimes you gotta let things roll and flow.

tumblr is like an abandoned space station & you all are the thing in the vents

not me though. im girl with tanktop

the 'CCCP' on his helmet was hand-painted by a ground crewmember just hours before his flight because the U-2 incident was fresh in everyone's minds and they were concerned that it would be dangerous for Gagarin if he accidentally landed in enemy territory without any kind of national identifier

god that would look even worse to a normal person. imagine a guy parachutes out of the clear sky dressed in something no one has ever seen before and he's got the name of your country clearly written on him by hand at the last minute. like okay buddy sure you're totally not an alien

it's always some sort of day of the week

this is so sad he doesn’t even know there’s a double barreled shotgun pointed at him

Pacific spiny lumpsucker (Eumicrotremus orbis)

the weather determines if I’m going to be evil

Winged eyeliner

Joy and whimsy detected! This post is joyful and whimsical!

we need to bring back the phrase "what business is it of yours" in a big way i'm serious

i know you can just say "none of your business" but phrasing it as a question with a jarringly formal tone is the ideal way to shoot an overfamiliar unwelcome overture dead in its tracks and force the person making it to confront the boundaries they're taking for granted + it would really piss people off which is funny

&also it allows you to experience the joy of talking like an autistic vampire, which i highly recommend