Inhuman Interest

How to View Protests like an Organizer by Tim Hjersted

Any animal you put salt on goes to heaven with you when you die (there are lots of slugs in heaven).

If you insult a Pokemon even once, believe it or not? Straight to hell.

(Incidentally, Hell recently stopped tormenting people because they're trying to find the soul of Walter White from Breaking Bad. The demons thought it was a documentary and the damned don't want to correct them, you know?)

Heaven has a library with every book and a library with every magazine. When you die, you have to choose which you want before you can go to Heaven.

Every ten years you get vacation days and can go to either earth or hell. They recommend earth but it's your choice really.

The damned also get vacation days. Please don't bother the damned souls while they're up here, they have it bad enough already.

God is a horse. Please don't bring it up, he's pretty sensitive about it.

If you have issues with Heaven, don't worry! There's a basement and if you complain, you get to go in the basement until you stop complaining.

Contrary to popular belief, heaven doesn't last forever. It lasts for an average of 10 billion years (depending on how much technology you want in your heaven house). At the end, you turn into a cake and everyone eats you.

Please remake your setting's celestial planes in accordance with these rules, thank you.

517: An unearthly conference.

This past month, Parks & Rec has been doing a lot of work on the field adjacent to my school. They have trucks with flatbeds, mowing/tree-cutting/postholing machinery, etc. And when they arrived, I (campus monitor) was told I would need to herd the kids away from the trucks/machinery and basically prevent them from creating a dangerous situation.

So when recess came around and the kids stampeded out the door I held them up and I said (being funny but at the same time serious, you know how it is, kids listen better if you're funny)

"Okay, I know that you're all smart AND mature, right? And talented and good looking? Definitely the smartest and most talented class in this school? (I say this to every class, they're all 'my favorites'.) And because you're SO intelligent and mature, I don't need to actually TELL you that these guys have vehicles and machinery that you need to stay clear of, right? Because I know you figured that out already, and I also know that YOU know how sad I would be if any of you were run over, or squashed, or had a pole fall on you. I would be SO SAD, like, I would probably have to lie down on the floor and cry. So you're not going to make me cry, right? I can trust you to stay away from the trucks and machines no matter where they are on the field? Because you're wonderful and amazing? My favorites? My inspiration?"

And they're laughing at me of course, because I'm being so dramatic. Some of them are "Yes, and-"ing my dramatics and inventing more involved mourning processes I should undertake if any of them get run over. Some of them are yelling at me that they are NOT mature yet and they are VERY STUPID and I should know this.

It's been three weeks. We had one conversation about it. None of them have gone anywhere near the trucks. This is actually in excess of the typical elementary-schooler's working memory and I'm very proud of them. I haven't had to blow the whistle at ONE person for getting too close even when the trucks were literally 40 feet from the actual playground.

Hello, my Kittens. Now that my car is fixed, thanks to @mordenheim, @zira (Twice!) and @inhumaninterest, I know have another problem.

My computer's motherboard, CPU and Ram are old and slowing down, and need to be replaced. Eventually.

The least expensive combo I can come up with is $700 for all three parts.

So, as always, my commissions are open, and I need help, any help.

Prices are still the same.

Thanks in advanced.

Here are some examples of commissions;

Price: $100

Price: $100

and

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to the Tales of Sir Neva Mar

RAPUNZEL, Act 2

by

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

Cover art by Aranel the Cyborg : aka Wind, the Mama Cat

2,448 words

© 2013 by Glen Ten-Eyck

written 2003

All rights reserved.

Reproduction in any form, physical, electronic or digital is prohibited without the express written consent of the author or proper copyright holder.

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Copyright fair use rules for Tumblr users

Users of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights. They may reblog the story. They may use the characters or original characters in my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical compositions, provided that such things are done without charge. I will allow those who do commission art works to charge for their images provided that I receive a copy of each image for my archive. I will further allow the use of printed copies for educational use in school classes. No charge of any kind may be made for this use, whether paper, ink, binding, packaging, distribution or any other charge whatsoever.

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It’s malice you know. What they say about the Witch I mean. Sure, there is a tower out there in the woods. Sure, it’s hard to get to. There’s a beauty in it too. Locked up tight.

Are you prince, perhaps? Just a knight on a Quest? No? Good. Don’t meddle with Rapunzel. That’s the lady in the tower. Trust me on this, you’ll be a happier man if you leave her alone. Only the Witch goes to see her. The Witch looks after her.

Sir Neva Mar had listened to the peasants at the inn with interest. It was obvious that something was up. Sir Neva Mar was a questing knight. He was always looking for the wrong to right or the princess to save.

That last still rankled. He had successfully tracked the dragon and found the princess. Problem was, she not only hadn’t wanted to be saved, she had faced him down with a spear and run him off. It seemed that she had wanted to stay with the dragon. It simply wasn’t right.

Sir Neva Mar was following the faint track carefully. It was hard to see and he was a skilled tracker. Sometimes he had to dismount to be sure of where the track went. His quarry was cunning. The Witch had nearly lost him with that trick back at the stream. Then, there had been the doubling back and at one point she had taken to the trees.

None of her tricks could fool Sir Neva Mar for long. The land was rising now and the forest changing with it from hardwoods to pines. The ground was getting rockier and still the witch led him on.

She showed no sign that she knew the he was following her. It seemed that she used this sort of precaution as a matter of routine. That was how come Sir Neva Mar had not lost her. She had got careless and left little, subtle clues.