i collect stuff and it's a mess

e me a mail

make the attachment a pic of a snail

I still reference this post today. And yes, when I say I reference it I mean I sing it.

a warthog is a thog specialized for use in war

Co-Worker Just Asked Me to Hand Him a Vise Grips and I Was Just About to Hit Him With the Erm Actually Vise Grips Is the Branded Term These Are Locking Pliers Aherm but Then I Looked at the Tool in My Hand and Saw That It Was in Fact a Vise Grips Branded Vise Grips that Vises Like a Grip

Just Goes to Show That if You Wanna Be a Smart Ass You Had Ought to Be Right First

asked one of my coworkers how she's doing today and she goes "could be better, could be worse," and another coworker nearby who was eavesdropping chimes in with "could be a lil bit o' alligator curse!" i have no idea what he meant by that but i do know that it has been immediately added to the lexicon.

all the rights that come with marriage you should be able to have without marriage btw. you should be able to designate a person who can visit you in the hospital regardless of your relationship to that person.

(To the tune of Rasputin): BLEH BLEH DRACULA, KING OF TRANSYLVANIA, HE IS A BAT AND ALSO A MAN

i have wild sentences roaming through me at all times

The fastest way to accomplish The Project is to cease being afraid of The Project. The Project cannot maim you. The Project cannot kill you. The Project is more afraid of you than you are of it. It is okay if The Project turns out differently from how it was in your head, and it is okay if it has flaws. You are capable of engaging with The Project.