finding out you spent most of your life dissociated is a HUGE bummer

i thought shit didnt stick to me cuz i was slick but its cause i wasnt there #LAME

As much as I want to support ethical farming practices I will be buying the cheapest bag of frozen chicken thighs as much as the next frugal/poor person which is why animal welfare needs to be legislated, not left up to the invisible hand of the free market or some bullshit. Invisible hand of the free market finds itself around a lot of throats.

has anyone noticed recently that it's expensive

times like these really make you appreciate pouring river water in your socks

do you ever feel yourself fail a charisma check in real time

good god when the mr clean magic eraser hits the stove......

the panties hit the floor

you know it brother

Cant tell you how many times I rawd*gged my husband after I caught him using a magic eraser to clean the pasta sauce I burned onto the burner like some kind of primordial insect

you know what i wish you would tell me

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

*squints* is that a motherfucking EVENING PRIMROSE?!??

It's nice that loud noises don't stick to clothes like smells do. That would be really bad if they did.

Marjorie & C. H. B.Quennell, Everyday Things in Archaic Greece (London: B. T. Batsford, 1931).

Wait, wait…. Is that seriously it? How their clothes go?

that genuinely is it

yeah hey whats up bout to put some fucking giant sheets on my body

lets bring back sheetwares

trust the ancients to make a fashion statement out of straight cloth and nothing but pins

Wrap Yourself In Blankets, Call It a Day

That last one looks dope

Squares and rectangles: easy to weave!! No cutting means no hemming.

And easy to construct, you don’t have to have complicated seaming and patterning to turn fabric into clothing!

Has anyone already reblogged this with saris? It’s cool how many cultures have similarities like this hidden in plain sight.

vaseline is op for fucked up skin but its texture stat is dogshit

The other name for Vaseline is evil tho. Petroleum jelly 💀

yeah omg some people were calling me out for using a "brand" but i am NOT calling it that. SORRY.

Every time, I know what's coming, but every time, I just lose it at "Uh. That"

I already lost it at "that time we ate our prime minister" and "Uh. That" didn't really help.