I’m so glad he rescued those dogs from space

we need to stop being so desperate about finding aliens. we need to play hard to get, pretend like we couldn’t care less. watch them come rushing into our atmosphere

it genuinely baffles me when people say 80s fashion was ugly as if early 00s fashion wasn’t the greatest crime against humanity committed on historical record

Grown Woman Buys Two More Lipsticks, Still Feels the Dull Ache of Inadequacy

So I just learned ejaculation comes out at 27mph. That makes it illegal in a School zone.

there are other reasons ejaculation isn’t generally accepted in school zones, but sure

How do u get Tumblr to stop showing u ads for that game where poorly animated heterosexuals make bad life decisions?

Man: Siri, what is 1 trillion to the tenth power? Siri: Calculation. The answer is one zero zero zero zero zero [continuing] Man: *starts beatboxing to the rhythm. Woman 1: *joins in* Woman 2: *starts singing to the rhythm*

Isaac Newton called his theories "Laws" because of his background as a lawyer. He advocated strict punishments for those who broke his laws, and tried to enforce the law of gravity by kidnapping the inventor of the hot air balloon.