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Touching: The NRA Is Releasing A Commemorative Line Of AR-15 Rifles To Raise Money For The Victims In Parkland

The horrific school shooting in Parkland, Florida that left 17 dead yesterday has sent the country into another round of mourning and self-reflection following a despicable act of gun violence. While it can be very difficult to know how to respond after such a senseless tragedy, the National Rifle Association just did something truly beautiful: The NRA is releasing a commemorative line of AR-15 rifles to raise money for the victims in Parkland.

Wow. In the wake of such an unspeakable act, this is an absolutely beautiful tribute from America’s biggest gun-rights advocacy group.

According to the statement on the NRA’s website, the special-edition AR-15s will feature a custom-designed hand guard laser engraved with the names of the 17 victims, and will fire 45 rounds per minute. The Parkland High Memorial Assault Rifle will reportedly be available for purchase in gun retailers around the country next week, and half of all profits will go directly to the families of students who died in yesterday’s mass shooting.

Sad News For Everyone In The Forest: There Is A Rat In The Forest

If you’re in the forest right now, we hope you’re sitting down, because there is an utter tragedy happening where you are. This is one of those nightmare scenarios you hope never happens to those in the woods, but there is simply no way to sugarcoat what is going down: There is a rat in the forest.

This is not a drill.

All was peaceful in the beautiful forest until moments ago, when a rat arrived and sent everything straight to hell. The rat is on the move, and we do not know its exact location, although the rat is definitely among the bushes, trees, and beautiful plants that make the forest so great. No, it does not take much imagination to picture the rat’s long, mealy tail touching some nice saplings right now, because the rat is 100 percent in the forest right now.

Beautiful: When This Terminally Ill Child’s Last Wish Was To See ‘Jurassic World 2,’ Chris Pratt Reached Out To Tell Him That It’s Pretty Standard Sequel Fare

Hollywood hunk Chris Pratt just did something incredible, and it’s guaranteed to be the most beautiful thing you’ll read all day: When Pratt heard that a terminally ill child’s last wish was to see Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, he personally reached out to tell the kid that it’s pretty standard sequel fare.

Yep, it’s official. Chris Pratt is pretty much the most wonderful celebrity alive.

Devastating: After Losing The Super Bowl, Sales Of Tom Brady And Bill Belichick’s New Reggae Album, ‘Fourth And Ganja,’ Have Plummeted

Well, this is a huge disappointment. The Patriots had high hopes for Super Bowl LII, but now that they’ve lost the big game, their stocks have gone tumbling, and this latest news shows just how far they’ve bottomed out: Sales of Tom Brady and Bill Belichick’s new reggae album Fourth And Ganja have plummeted.

For these two competitors still licking their wounds after losing a Super Bowl, it must be crushing to learn just how few people are listening to their laid-back football grooves.

Expecting that their album would ride the wave of a big Super Bowl LII victory to Billboard success, Brady and Belichick dropped Fourth And Ganja on Super Bowl morning, and their big single, “Gameday In Kingston Bay,” saw a flurry of downloads until the game wrapped up and Eagles fever swept the nation. Now, the island-inspired record about living the easy life and preparing for a divisional showdown with the New York Jets has barely sold 2,500 copies. Critics have in fact praised Belichick’s chilled-out vocals and Brady’s groovy percussion on songs like “Ref, Trade That Whistle For A Spliff” and “Unnecessary Roughness (Rude Boy),” but with the Patriots out of favor in the public eye, the album is simply not blowing up.

Heartbreaking: The Worst Person You Know Just Made A Great Point

A heartbreaking story is currently unfolding that’s sure to have devastating ramifications for years to come. Just moments ago, without any warning, the worst person you know just made a great point.

This is absolutely crushing news, and it’s unclear if recovery will ever be possible. The tragedy occurred just a few moments ago during a debate about politics occurring among your coworkers. Out of nowhere, the most loathsome person you’ve ever met in your whole life chimed into the argument with a completely valid and irrefutable point. Every attempt to formulate a rebuttal to just the most insufferable asshole on the planet failed miserably because, for the first time ever, that piece of shit’s logic was entirely unassailable.

This is the kind of horrific event you always assume only happens to other people, but never to you.

Down To The Wire: The Eagles Are Currently Leading 41 To 33 As They Head Into The Essay Portion Of The Super Bowl

The Eagles and Patriots have played four hard fought quarters of football in Super Bowl LII, but as the game enters its final stage, fans across the country are waiting with bated breath to see who will be crowned campion: The Eagles are currently leading the Patriots 41 to 33 as the two teams head into the final essay portion of the Super Bowl.

The Vince Lombardi Trophy belongs to whichever team can grit it out and best articulate their thesis in the 45-minute time limit! This is what it’s all about!

With the athletics portion finished, the players are making their way to the proctored testing area on the sidelines of U.S. Bank Stadium where they will sit quietly and complete an essay on themes in ‘The Grapes of Wrath,’ after which each team’s cumulative score will be tallied up to determine the final score of Super Bowl LII. And it’s looking like the essay portion could be neck and neck as both Pats and Eagles players were seen reading the book on the sidelines throughout the game, trying to memorize as many examples of the Joads representing the duplicity of the American dream, always beckoning travelers to seek a better life but never delivering it, to craft an insightful essay strong enough to propel their team to the championship.