who, me?

1. Writing From Inside the Body, Not Outside It

The most common mistake writers make with disabled characters isn't malice. It's distance. They describe the disability the way a doctor would describe a symptom—from outside, clinical, tidily summarised. She has rheumatoid arthritis. Her hands hurt. And then they move on, as if that's the whole picture. As if pain is an annotation rather than an atmosphere.

But disability doesn't live in the notes section. It lives in the body, all the time, and it changes the texture of everything—the way a room feels when you walk into it, the way a conversation costs you, the way you hold your coffee cup differently on a bad joint day without even consciously deciding to. You can't write that from the outside. You have to go in.

Going in means specificity. Not her back hurt, but the exact quality of the hurt—whether it's the dull, insistent ache that sits like a stone in the same spot all day, or the sharp electric flare that shoots without warning, or the deep bone-level exhaustion that makes even the idea of movement feel offensive. These aren't interchangeable. A character experiencing a fibromyalgia flare does not move through space the same way as a character in the middle of a Crohn's attack, even if both of them are technically having a bad day. The specificity is the whole point. It's what makes a reader with that condition feel seen, and what makes a reader without it understand something true.

It also means thinking about the invisible calculations disabled people make constantly—the ones that never make it into the narrative because they happen so fast and so automatically that we barely notice we're doing them. Is there seating near the door? How far is the bathroom? If I push through this event now, what does tomorrow cost me? These aren't dramatic moments. They're just the texture of being in a body that requires management. And when writers leave them out entirely, the disabled character ends up floating through a world that seems suspiciously uncomplicated—which is its own kind of erasure.

You don't have to catalogue every calculation. But you should know they exist, and let them surface naturally when the scene calls for it. A character who quietly scans a venue for seating before committing to staying is doing something real. A character who checks whether they have their medication before leaving the house isn't being dramatic—they're just alive. These small, grounded details are what separate a disabled character who feels like a person from one who feels like a plot device wearing a diagnosis.

Write from inside the nervous system. Write the sensation before you write the interpretation of it. Your joints felt wrong is outside. There was a grinding sensation in your knuckles every time you bent them, a deep, wet ache that seemed to come from somewhere beneath the bone itself—that's inside. The reader can live in the second one. The first one just files information.

⸻

2. Differentiating Conditions That Share Surface Features

Fatigue is not fatigue is not fatigue.

This is one of the things that frustrates me most in fiction—the flattening of distinct experiences into a single, generic category. Two characters can both have chronic fatigue as a symptom and experience it in completely different ways, because the underlying conditions are different, the mechanisms are different, and the body's relationship to that fatigue is different. MS fatigue has been described as feeling like someone filled your limbs with wet concrete and turned off your brain mid-sentence. The fatigue of lupus can arrive like a wave, sudden and total, without necessarily being preceded by exertion. ME/CFS fatigue is bound up in post-exertional malaise—a feature so specific and so counterintuitive (that activity worsens symptoms hours or days later, not immediately) that writers who don't know about it will almost always get it wrong.

The same applies to pain. Neuropathic pain—the nerve pain associated with conditions like fibromyalgia, multiple sclerosis, or diabetic neuropathy—is often described as burning, electric, like pins and needles dialled up to unbearable. Inflammatory joint pain tends to be deep, aching, worse in the morning, stiff and grinding. The visceral pain of endometriosis or Crohn's disease is something else entirely: cramping, internal, sometimes so severe it causes nausea and dissociation. These are not the same experience. Blurring them together doesn't just fail accuracy—it fails the people reading who know the difference in their own bodies.

The same applies to cognitive symptoms, to mobility, to how conditions behave across a day. Parkinson's can involve tremors that are worse at rest and improve with movement—the opposite of what most people assume. Hypermobility disorders like hEDS involve joints that move too much, which can coexist with severe pain in a way that looks confusing from the outside: someone who is visibly flexible being in agony. Conditions like POTS mean that something as simple as standing up can cause the heart to race and vision to grey out. If you write a POTS character who stands up quickly without any consequence, the reader with POTS will notice immediately.

You don't need to be a medical professional to get this right. You need to do research specific enough to understand the particular condition you're writing, not just disability as a broad category. Read first-person accounts from people with the condition. Look at community spaces—forums, social media, blogs—where people talk about what their daily experience actually feels like. The clinical literature will tell you what's happening biologically; the personal accounts will tell you what it's like to live in.

And crucially: if two of your characters share a condition, they can still have different presentations. Crohn's disease doesn't look the same in every body. Autism doesn't present identically in every person. Part of writing disability well is resisting the urge to treat a diagnosis as a single fixed experience, when in reality conditions exist on spectrums, vary by individual, and shift over time.

⸻

3. The Performance of Being Fine—and the Private Collapse

Most disabled people are very, very good at performing health.

Not because we're deceiving anyone—or not primarily—but because the alternative is exhausting in a different way. The alternative is constant explanation, constant reassurance of the people around you, constant management of their discomfort at your discomfort. It becomes easier, sometimes, to just absorb the cost privately and perform fine in public. To say I'm okay with a smile that's practised enough to land, to make a joke before someone can look too concerned, to answer how are you feeling today? with not bad when the honest answer would take twenty minutes and leave everyone in the room feeling guilty.

This is one of the richest seams in disabled character writing, and one of the most underused. The gap between public performance and private reality—what a character shows versus what they carry—is where so much of the most interesting emotional work lives. Not dramatic breakdowns, not moments where the mask slips theatrically. Just the small, quiet texture of managing. The way a character can laugh at dinner and then sit alone for ten minutes in the bathroom while their body protests the evening. The way I'm tired means something specific and enormous but gets received as something small and ordinary. The way you learn to modulate how much truth you give, because you've learned how much people can hold.

What makes this complicated to write—and what writers often get wrong—is the assumption that the performance is entirely negative. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it comes from internalised ableism, from shame, from exhaustion at having to educate people who should already understand. But sometimes it comes from something more neutral: the pragmatic decision to conserve energy, to choose your moments, to protect your own peace by not turning every interaction into a medical update. The performance isn't always suffering. Sometimes it's just strategy.

The private collapse is its own landscape. That moment when the door closes and the body is finally allowed to have the day it actually had—the relief of putting down the performance, the strange grief of how much it cost, sometimes the humour of it, because absurdity is a useful coping mechanism. A character who gets home, lies down on the floor for a full minute, and then gets up to make tea is doing something very true. Write that. Write the deflation, the recalibration, the way the body reports back now that no one's watching.

And write the people who see through the performance—not because they're dramatic about it, not because they make it a big confrontation, but because they've paid enough attention to know. That's its own intimacy. Being known despite the performance, maybe even because of it, is one of the most tender things a relationship can contain.

⸻

4. Guilt and the Burden Narrative

The burden narrative is worth understanding, because it's everywhere—in fiction, in culture, in the way disabled people are sometimes taught to think about themselves—and it does quiet, persistent damage.

The framework positions disabled people primarily as weight: weight on their families, their partners, their carers, the healthcare system, society at large. It shows up in stories as the disabled character who repeatedly apologises for their existence, who frames their needs as impositions, who spends the narrative being grateful that anyone loves them at all. It shows up in the disabled character whose story is really about how hard things are for the people around them. It shows up in the euthanasia plotline dressed up as mercy. It's a very old framework, and the reason it's worth naming is precisely because it tends to pass as care—as realism, even—without being examined.

This doesn't mean disabled characters can't feel guilty. Of course they can—guilt is a real and common experience, and pretending otherwise would be its own kind of dishonesty. Many disabled people do feel guilt about the impact of their conditions on the people they love. That feeling is worth exploring, with honesty and without flinching. What's worth being careful about is treating that guilt as correct—as the appropriate response to the situation, as something the narrative endorses rather than examines.

The difference is in the framing. A character who feels guilty about needing help, and whose narrative gently pushes back on that guilt—through a partner who says I'm not here despite the hard parts, or through the character's own slow realisation that needing care is not the same as being a burden—that's a story about guilt that's doing something useful. A character who feels guilty about needing help and whose narrative agrees with them, centres the exhaustion of the carer, treats the disability as a problem the relationship has to overcome—that's the burden narrative in action, and it's worth noticing.

Similarly: disabled characters are allowed to have needs that cost other people something without the story treating that as a tragedy. Real relationships involve asymmetry. Real care involves effort. The presence of effort doesn't make the relationship broken or the disabled person too much. Writers who can only show care as effortless and joyful are avoiding something true, and writers who show effort as evidence of burden are drawing the wrong conclusion. The sweet spot is care that is real—that sometimes takes something—while the story makes clear, without announcement, that the person being cared for is worth it. Not as a favour. Just as a fact.

And then there's this, which doesn't get said nearly enough: disabled characters deserve to be the ones providing care. To be the person who notices when something is wrong before anyone says a word. The person who shows up with the right thing at the right moment, who remembers what their partner needs, who holds someone else steady for once. Disability doesn't make a person a perpetual recipient—it doesn't remove their capacity to love actively, to give, to be the one whose presence makes a room feel safer. When disabled characters exist only on the receiving end of care, it flattens them into a single role that real disabled people don't occupy. We give. We hold. We show up. Writing that is not an act of charity toward a disabled character. It's just accuracy.

⸻

5. The Difference Between a Bad Day, a Flare, and a Crisis

These are not the same thing, and writing them as interchangeable is one of the most common errors in chronic illness fiction. The distinction matters not just medically, but narratively—because each one calls for a different story, a different emotional register, and a different response from the people around your character.

A bad day is baseline-plus. It's the condition doing what it always does, but louder. More of the same symptoms, more intensely, without necessarily indicating anything has changed. For someone with a chronic pain condition, a bad day might mean the pain is at a seven instead of a four, that they need to rest more, that they cancel the plan they'd been hoping to keep. It's hard. It's dispiriting, especially when it comes after a run of better days. But it's not alarming. The person has been here before. They know roughly how to navigate it—there's an internal protocol, more rest, more heat, more meds, lower the bar for what the day needs to contain. Someone who knows this person well knows a bad day too. They've learned what it looks like, what it needs, what it doesn't need. A partner who can tell the difference between a bad day and something worse, and respond accordingly—that's not a small thing. That's the shape of real intimacy.

A flare is different in kind, not just degree. A flare represents a period of increased disease activity—for conditions like lupus, Crohn's, rheumatoid arthritis, MS, and many others, this is a clinical reality with specific meaning. A flare might last days or weeks. It might require medication adjustments, medical contact, a fundamental restructuring of what daily life looks like. It carries a particular psychological weight that a bad day doesn't, because it can feel like losing ground—like the progress you'd made is being undone, like your body has turned against you again in a way that feels almost personal. The exhaustion during a flare is different. The grief is different. The relationship to hope is different. And the care a flare needs is different too—not just practical adjustments, but a particular kind of steadiness from the people around you. The difference between a partner who treats a flare like a bad day that just needs pushing through, and one who understands what it actually is, is enormous. Getting it wrong isn't just unhelpful; it's its own kind of loneliness.

A crisis is an acute medical emergency or near-emergency—a seizure, a severe allergic reaction, a mental health crisis, a level of symptom severity that falls outside the normal range and requires immediate intervention. This is not a flare. This is not a bad day. Writing a crisis with the same emotional register as a bad day misrepresents both, and writing a partner who responds to a crisis the way they'd respond to a bad day—calmly, routinely, with the same familiar toolkit—is writing a failure of care, whether or not the story frames it that way.

Why does this matter for fiction? Because the story around each of these is different. A character managing a bad day is drawing on their usual toolkit—this is familiar terrain, however unwelcome. A character in a flare is dealing with something that disrupts their sense of how life works, that requires renegotiation, that might bring grief and fear alongside the physical symptoms. A character in crisis may not be able to manage at all—they need help, they need intervention, and the story should reflect that without either catastrophising or minimising.

The people around a disabled character should respond differently to these three states, if they know the person well—and the degree to which they do is one of the most honest ways to show how well they actually know them. Getting it wrong in one direction, treating every bad day like a crisis, is smothering. Getting it wrong in the other, treating a flare like a bad day that just needs pushing through, is a failure of care. Knowing the difference is part of knowing someone. It's one of the things love, over time, actually looks like.

⸻

6. Writing Care That Doesn't Fix, Pity, or Centre the Carer

Good care in fiction is one of the hardest things to write. It requires holding several things at once: showing that care is real and meaningful and sometimes costly, without making the person being cared for feel like a burden or a passive object of someone else's story.

The fixing impulse is the first thing to examine. In a lot of fiction, care is written as an attempt to solve the problem—the carer researching cures, pushing the disabled person to try new treatments, refusing to accept the condition as permanent. This comes from a genuinely loving place, sometimes. But it positions the disability as something that must be fixed before the relationship or the story can progress, and it subtly frames the disabled person as incomplete until they're better. If your character's condition is chronic, incurable, or simply not going to resolve over the course of your story, then care that's oriented around fixing is not only narratively unresolved—it's quietly damaging. It says: I love you, and I'm going to keep trying to make you different.

Care that doesn't fix looks different. It's showing up with soup when the person didn't ask. It's learning the specific way they need a pillow positioned. It's sitting with them in the waiting room even when there's nothing useful to do there. It's asking what would help instead of assuming. It's adjusting plans without making a production of the adjustment. It's the ten thousand small accommodations that happen so naturally they stop feeling like accommodations and start feeling like just how things are. This is the care worth writing.

Pity is subtler. Writers who want to avoid it often overcorrect into something that reads as pity anyway, because they're still centring the tragedy rather than the person. Pity says: look how hard this is for them, look how much they've lost, look what they have to endure. It asks the reader to feel sad on behalf of the disabled character rather than to feel with them. The difference is in whose perspective the scene inhabits and what it asks of the reader. A scene written from inside the character's experience—with the full texture of their personality present, their humour, their irritation, their love—is not pitying even if it depicts real suffering. A scene that frames the character primarily as an object of sadness, even a sympathetically rendered one, is.

Centring the carer is perhaps the most common structural error. It happens when the story of a disabled character becomes primarily the story of the people who love them—how hard it is for them, how much they sacrifice, what they feel watching this happen. These stories often have the best intentions. They can also accidentally say: the disabled person's inner life matters less than its effect on others. The disabled character becomes a lens through which the carer's emotional journey is explored, rather than having an emotional journey of their own.

The carer can have feelings. Of course they can—care is emotionally complex, and pretending carers don't experience grief, exhaustion, fear, or love in complicated forms would be its own dishonesty. But those feelings should exist alongside the disabled character's inner life, not instead of it. The disabled person should be the subject of their own story. Always.

⸻

7. Consent, Agency, and Autonomy

Disabled people are the experts on their own bodies. Full stop.

This seems obvious, but fiction gets it wrong constantly—usually by having other characters override the disabled character's stated preferences in the name of care. The partner who insists they know best about what the disabled character can manage. The family member who makes medical decisions without consultation. The friend who tells someone they're pushing too hard when the person has already assessed their own limits and made a deliberate choice. These moments are often framed as loving. Sometimes they're written as admirable. What they actually are is a removal of autonomy, and fiction that presents this approvingly is doing something worth interrogating.

Autonomy matters especially in the context of care, because care relationships can slide so easily into dynamics where the person being helped loses the ability to direct their own life. Good care is care the person has asked for, or has clearly indicated they want, or has agreed to in the moment. It involves checking in, not assuming. It involves accepting the answer no or not right now or I'd rather do it myself even if it takes longer without argument. It involves trusting that the disabled person has thought about their own situation more than anyone else has, and that their conclusions about it deserve respect.

This doesn't mean disabled characters can't be in relationships where care is offered without being explicitly requested every single time—that would be both exhausting and unrealistic for established relationships. The difference is between a partner who has learned what their person needs and offers it naturally, versus a partner who decides what their person needs and provides it regardless of pushback. One is intimacy. The other is control, however well-intentioned.

Consent in the context of physical care is also worth naming specifically. Being touched, moved, helped with personal care, medicated—these are all things that require consent, and fiction that skips this step in the name of romantic urgency or narrative momentum is modelling something bad. A character who helps someone to bed without asking, who adjusts someone's body without checking, who administers medication unilaterally—these moments should be written with awareness of what they are, not presented as pure tenderness.

Disabled characters should also be allowed to make choices other characters disagree with—including choices about their own health. The character who decides not to pursue a treatment. The character who knows a certain activity will cost them and chooses to do it anyway. The character who is not managing their condition the way someone else thinks they should. These are valid choices. The narrative doesn't have to endorse them to respect them. Respecting a disabled character's autonomy means letting them have a life that isn't perfectly optimised for their health, because that's what having a life actually looks like.

⸻

8. Newly Disabled vs. Long-Term Disabled: Identity and Time

There's a version of this guide that skips this section, and it would be missing something important. Because one of the quieter defaults in fiction—one that shapes everything from plot structure to emotional register without always being named—is the assumption that the most interesting disabled character is the one who is newly disabled. The one in the middle of the grief arc. The one still in the process of losing.

That grief is real. It's worth writing. A character who is newly disabled, or newly diagnosed with something chronic, is navigating something enormous—the loss of a previous body, a previous life, expectations they'd built about their future. The version of themselves they thought they were going to be. That kind of loss doesn't follow a clean trajectory, and it doesn't resolve tidily. It loops back. It ambushes you months later in a changing room or a doctor's waiting room or just a Tuesday afternoon when nothing in particular happened. Writing that honestly, without rushing to resolution, is genuinely good storytelling.

But the grief arc is not the only story. And the trouble with fiction defaulting to it is that it leaves an enormous gap where the long-term disabled character should be. The person who has had this condition for a decade. Who built their life around it—not in spite of it, not in defeat, but in the ordinary, practical, sometimes darkly funny way that people do when they don't have another option and don't want one. Who has protocols. Who has a relationship with their own body that is complicated and intimate and not primarily defined by loss, even if loss is somewhere in the history of it. Who knows exactly which painkiller to take in which order, who has the heating pad rotation perfected, who has made a hundred tiny adaptations to their environment and doesn't think of most of them as adaptations anymore. That's just their life.

The long-term disabled character has a different relationship to hope, to good days, to bad ones. They've learned what their body can be expected to do. They've grieved things already—and then got on with it, because grief doesn't stop you needing to eat and sleep and see people you love. Their illness or disability is present in their life the way a childhood scar is present: real, sometimes still tender, but not the first thing they'd tell you about themselves. They might have a dark sense of humour about it that took years to earn. They might be better at asking for help than they used to be, or worse at it. They are not in the middle of the story they were in at the beginning. They've moved.

Neither of these characters is more valid or more narratively interesting than the other. But writers tend to reach for the newly disabled character because the arc is familiar—it maps onto recognisable story shapes, loss and adjustment and some version of acceptance. The long-term disabled character requires more imagination, because their story doesn't have that clean shape. Their story is textured and ongoing and doesn't resolve into a moment of coming to terms with anything. Which is, of course, exactly what makes it worth writing.

It's also worth holding in mind that disability doesn't stay static over time. Conditions progress. They go into remission. They interact with ageing, with other conditions, with life events that change the body's baseline. A character's relationship to their disability at twenty-two might look completely different at forty—not because they've grown as a person in a tidy arc, but because the condition itself has changed, or because life has, or because what they need from the people around them has shifted. That arc—the long one, the decade-spanning one—is almost never written, and it contains things that the grief arc simply can't.

And then there's the question of identity, which is its own conversation. Some disabled people centre their disability as part of who they are—not the whole of it, but genuinely part of how they understand themselves, how they move through the world, what community they belong to. Disability, for these people, is not something that happened to them and that they've had to accommodate. It's constitutive. It's there in how they think, what they notice, what they value. Other disabled people don't relate to their condition as identity at all—it's a medical reality, it affects their life significantly, and it is not who they are. Both of these are completely valid. Fiction that insists on the first framework—that a disabled character must eventually come to embrace their disability as part of themselves—is projecting a particular politics onto characters who may not share it. Fiction that insists on the second—that disability is always and only something to be coped with, never a source of belonging or self-understanding—is equally partial. Let your character have their own relationship to what their body is. Don't decide it for them.

⸻

9. Research, Responsibility, and Knowing Your Limits

If you're writing a disabled character with a condition you don't have, you have a responsibility to do real research—not just enough to avoid obvious errors, but enough to actually understand what you're writing about.

Real research has a specific shape. It starts with clinical information: what is this condition, what are its mechanisms, what are its common symptoms and treatments, what does the medical literature say about it. This is the foundation and it's necessary, but it's not sufficient. Clinical information tells you the biology. It doesn't tell you what it's like to be in the body that has this biology, every day, in a world that wasn't designed for it.

For that, you need first-person accounts. Blogs, social media posts, support community discussions, personal essays, oral histories, #actuallyautistic and #spoonielife and every other tag where disabled people talk honestly about their lives. These are where you find the things medical literature doesn't document: the specific texture of the 3am pain, the strange grief of a good day because it reminds you what you're missing, the dark humour that comes from having no other choice, the particular fury of being disbelieved by a doctor for the seventh time. You find out that POTS patients often talk about the coat hanger ache—a specific pain across the shoulders and neck. You find out that Crohn's patients have very specific feelings about the distance to the nearest bathroom. You find out that autistic people experience sensory input in ways that vary enormously from person to person and don't map neatly onto what non-autistic people imagine.

Research also means knowing what you don't know—and being willing to hold the line there. If you're writing a condition that is genuinely outside your experience and understanding, and your research is turning up more uncertainty than clarity, that might be a signal to simplify, to write around the specificity rather than through it, or to ask someone who has the condition to read your work. Sensitivity readers with lived experience are not a box to tick at the end of the process. They're a resource to engage with genuinely, to listen to, to give real weight to when they tell you something isn't right.

Knowing your limits also means thinking about scope—how much accuracy a given character actually requires, and where proportionality lies. It's possible to write a character who has a condition without the story needing to be comprehensively accurate about every aspect of that condition. A minor character with diabetes doesn't need a clinically thorough representation of blood glucose management. But they also shouldn't have their diabetes mentioned once and then never affect anything again, and they shouldn't have it affect things in ways that are actively wrong. There's a middle ground between exhaustive medical accuracy and careless inaccuracy, and it lives in proportionality—let the condition be as present in the story as it would be in the person's life, and make sure that presence is honest.

And finally: if you get something wrong and someone tells you, listen. The response to being corrected is not defensiveness, and it's not excessive self-flagellation—it's just adjustment. You update your understanding, you revise if revision is possible, and you carry the knowledge forward. Nobody gets this perfectly right on the first attempt. The goal is to get it righter over time.

⸻

10. A Specific Note on Stigmatised Conditions

Some conditions carry stigma that functions differently from the general ableism disabled people navigate—a specific, targeted social weight that shapes not just how other people treat them, but how they relate to themselves, what they're able to say out loud, what kind of sympathy they're permitted to receive.

Mental health conditions are the obvious example. Characters with depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, OCD, eating disorders—these characters exist in a landscape where their condition is routinely misrepresented in media, used as shorthand for danger or unreliability, and often treated as a moral failing rather than a medical reality. Writing these characters well requires knowing what the stigmatising representations look like, so you can avoid replicating them: the violently unpredictable character whose mental illness explains their actions, the character whose breakdown is spectacle, the character who is healed by love and stopped needing treatment, the character whose eating disorder is a background detail added for drama without any understanding of what that experience actually involves.

Addiction is similar. Characters in recovery, or actively struggling with substance use, are frequently written through the lens of either condemnation or redemption—the addict as moral failure who earns back their humanity, or the addict as tragic figure whose whole story is about the addiction. The actual experience of addiction and recovery is far more complicated, far less linear, and far more human than either of these frameworks allows. A character can be in recovery and have a full life that isn't primarily about their recovery. A character can be struggling with addiction and still be someone worthy of care and complex storytelling.

Conditions that are frequently disbelieved—fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, long COVID, functional neurological disorder, many others—carry a particular kind of stigma that comes from medical gaslighting. The experience of being told that your symptoms aren't real, or aren't as bad as you say, or are caused by anxiety or laziness or attention-seeking, shapes the way people with these conditions talk about themselves and relate to care. Writing a character with one of these conditions means writing the way it feels to be disbelieved—the internalised doubt, the exhausting vigilance, the specific anger of having to prove something that is happening inside your own body. It also means not writing their condition in a way that implies the doubters had a point.

Stigmatised conditions also affect how characters are received within the story's world—including by other characters who are themselves disabled. The disability community contains its own hierarchies, its own arguments about who counts, its own moments of internal stigma. This is real and worth being honest about. A character with an invisible condition who is told they don't look disabled by someone who uses a wheelchair is encountering something that actually happens. A character with a psychiatric disability who is treated differently from a character with a physical one is navigating something real. You don't have to iron this out into a smooth, unified community—but you should write it with care.

The through-line across all stigmatised conditions is this: the stigma is not the character's fault, and the narrative shouldn't treat it as their burden to resolve. A character doesn't have to overcome their diagnosis to deserve dignity. They don't have to explain themselves sufficiently to earn sympathy. They don't have to be exceptional in order to matter. The story should know this, even when other characters in it don't.

⸻

A Final Note

None of this is meant to be a checklist. Lists of rules make for better-researched fiction sometimes, but they don't make for better storytelling. The goal isn't to avoid every possible mistake—it's to actually care about the person you're writing. To be curious about what their life feels like from the inside. To let that curiosity lead you somewhere honest.

Different kinds of boning

Plastic sew in boning, flat steel boning, spiral steel and german plastic "whalebone" all have their place. It's a trade off whether you want stiffness, washability, flexibility, lightness. I frequently use combinations of flat steel for center front and center back and then spiral steel or plastic whalebone for the rest.

Boning placement

Boning is to hold the fabric in place, the shape of the fabric is to hold the you in place. The trick is to place the boning in a way that relieves the tension of the garment, bones shouldn't be digging in.

Boning placement has to be adjusted for your body. For example, I take out any boning that is on the side backs because my ribs stick out. I'm a fan of halfboned stays, but that's just what works on my body for the desired silhouette.

The most important bones are the one next to the lacing holes, or else lacing it will wrinkle everything

Vertical bones at the center front if you want to flatten or push up your chest, fanned out boning if you want to cone and smooth

Any bones around the arm hole should stop an inch under the armhole to avoid stabbing yourself in the armpit

If you're having issues of gaping or undesired shelf bust, consider some horizontal bones at the neckline

(adding a link to my binding stays here which illustrate a lot of my ideas about boning stays and the importance of boning placement)

I'm very happy to illustrate or explain any of these further, but for now the word boning has ceased to have meaning and i'm just feeling like this: