Why hello! I am a nerd @imxtremelybard - Tumblr Blog

hey kitten. daddy needs to talk to you. your kink blog is great, but you are not highlighting the words correctly. kitten. stop highlighting. this is shit. did you seriously highlight that period. kitten.

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makingtrouble

It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.

makingtrouble

Actually I've decided this is a poem

wav48k

i hate dogs with blue eyes. why is fucking jeff the killer at my back door

wav48k

Do you need something.

wav48k

before this starts getting notes i have to add that this is not my dog. i dont know how he got in my backyard

wav48k

someone made a terrible youtube video searching for the source of this dog picture like it's lost media and he on-screen scrolls by a live tumblr link to this post before claiming i deleted my account, pulling up a wayback machine archived page, and then lying about contacting my ex boyfriend for more information

#awesome

temitoka

got too drunk last night and granted someone a boon

messsssmer

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

fireknightqueelign

thy mother

messsssmer

Art thou for fucking real

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segamascott

#*angry high school coach voice* the da vinkis are running CIRCLES around us

dogpuppy

parkchanwoohoo

This kid is so fucking good holy shit. I love how into it the audience is, too

#birds #these kids sound like they’re gonna riot if he keeps this u #as they should

birdplushie

"it's not that deep" START DIGGING!!

magn-animously

DIG

14-opossums-in-a-trenchcoat

DIG

buriedunderyourmum

DIG

hannisconfused

DIG

kitsunesakii

DIG

yourlocalfandomfriendo

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

thatghostthateatspeople

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

OOPS TOO DEEP

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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cryptotheism

You deny your weapon it's amazing digital purpose

voidambassador

combataromantic-deactivated2026

Fuuuuck dude I got drunk last night and tried to take down the villain on my own and now he’s texting me some ‘I’m the only one allowed to defeat you’ shit bro what do I do

combataromantic-deactivated2026

Man he just yelled ‘I want him alive’ to his goons, it’s so over.

blue0909

Please stop being nonbinary too. God only created one gender. You must conform to that.

THERES ONLY ONE NOW?????

miketon

walcutt

i always love the way that mtg strategists and high level players discuss red decks in articles. this quote has been going around the local mtg server:

and the thing is that i really love hot dog decks. this guy is so fucking right

#misc #mtg

morningsaidthemoon

commissioned by @gettownsburnmoney, based on this post !!!

#dimension 20 #city council of darkness #with tears in my eyes: i get it now

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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okmurph

Now that’s IMPROV BABY

#dimension 20 #city council of darkness #best fucking character #her power is incredible #awa awa awa #misc

sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog

oh wait just realized i can edit my own posts.

like you can't edit reblogs anymore but you can still edit your own post even after it has a thousand notes or whatever.

sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog

i have the opportunity to do the funniest thing.

#john green is free what will he do #misc

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