Kail Rose

So much about Naboo culture is infuriating from a logical standpoint. They have a queen, okay. A constitutionally elected queen? Weird, okay. Don't know why they'd do that but... She's FOURTEEN? Excuse me? Is it a ceremonial thing or, oh no it's not? Legit head of state? Why does she dress like that? Why does she talk like that? I'm so tired.

Here's the explainer. Let me go cook.

There's this joke in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy where the last living human goes back in time and finds out humans aren't actually from Earth, but an alien culture that tricked all the middle managers, pedantic weirdos, and other infuriating folk into getting in a space arc which they gave the wrong evacuation coordinates to simply get rid of them. The Naboo are like this but they're all artists and poets and hippies, but like classy ones. They fled their home planet during a war and crash landed on Naboo, then did a colonism to the Gungans because, hey, they were fleeing a war and it was do or die. This spiritual rot in their creation story is later rectified by Padmé. But it's super important to their cultural psychology. They're hippies, but will subjugate if needed. They are "peaceful" but I guarantee you every single one of them has a tiny extremely shiny pistol up their sleeve and they will draw down on you if backed against a wall.

The scene that I think says it all is at the end of Phantom Menace when Padmé is surrounded by Nute Gunray and his droids, they've got her dead to rights, but Sabé her double creates a distraction so the queen can make it to her throne. This one piece of furniture is the Naboo in a nutshell. It's richly carved with artistic details, it has two seats to the side so the queen's handmaidens can read the lips of people in the back of the room and use hand signals to communicate with the queen while she can remain focused mostly on who is speaking to her. It is hundreds of years old. And it has a secret compartment in the armrest that is FULL OF GUNS. Layers of artistic opulence hiding their true intentions.

The Naboo were created to be backwards compatible with Princess Leia. They're compassionate pacifists, but they will shot you if needed.

Why do they elect teenage royalty? It's a little creepy. It's giving "age of consent is emotional maturity". It makes no sense.

The explanation they give outsiders is they want youthful idealism untainted by cynicism. What they don't tell you is that they take kids with stated interest in politics and put them in an advanced highly competitive Leadership Academy which is like Model UN mixed with Battle Royale. Well, they don't kill each other but it's intense. It's like what the clones went though just all diplomacy training and tea ceremonies all the time. Which is crazy but so Naboo.

Oh, and all the delegates for the royalty election run using pseudonyms for security. Imagine voting for the head of state but you can't run a background check. It's so crazy.

Why does Padmé dress like that? Well, fashion is one of Naboo's major industries so it's like she's wearing the entire Fall line catalog at once. To advertise not only the talent of her people, but to show how much they favor her. BUT that dress has multiple layers of padding and resin armor. And aforementioned spots for those little silver blasters. And it breaks up her silhouette making her harder to shoot. And it's so elaborate you pay more attention to the crazy dress and not if the person wearing it is really the queen or a decoy. Everything about Naboo is like this.

Queen Amidala has that weird accent while Padmé does not. Because all her handmaidens helped create the accent together so they all can imitate it. It's like if you gave girls at a rowdy sleepover the job of federal counterintelligence. That's what they came up with.

The handmaidens wear colorful identical clothes so you can't tell them apart, hoods to partially conceal their identity, and they don't wear the queen's fancy makeup. So one of them can be the queen and spy on people in the audience. Because the Naboo don't trust shit for shit.

Their public face is so silly to hide all the truly weird shit they do behind the scenes.

They use their reputation as artist hippies to conceal multiple layers of subterfuge and disguise their methods of self defense and assuage their paranoia due to wartime trauma and their disturbing colonial past. All of them are completely off their rocker even by Star Wars standards. And I love them so much. They put on a show so everyone thinks they have them figured out but what they have going on is far more weirder and more sinister than meets the eye. You know how catty, neurotic, and competitive art school students stereotypically are? Yeah, planet art student. Love them!

but i remember the first time watching this movie i was so utterly confused about the plot that i didn't even catch the fact that he's a fucking pedophile

He's seen people tortured, seen the bloody aftermath of cruelty and been on the receiving end of it more times than he would like. He knows fear like you know the corner block where you crashed your first car but now drive past to work everymorning.

Which is to say, nik has known fear most people will only fear in the split seconds before they die.

"Mh? What's wrong, milyy?" He frowns when you crawl into his arms, shaking.

"It's stupid." You huff into his neck, and earn a corrective pinch to the side that has you groaning "it's just...i saw that horror movie and...uhm....and..."

"Was it too scary, milaya?" Nik prompts, not judgemental or condescending, simply asking. When you nod, he coos and tucks you in close. He tries to not let you shaking hands bother him while he pulls the fluffy, thick blankets over you.

Nik has known true fear, but he'd never belittle your own because of it's source. He knows that the body doesn't care if it's a horror movie or a knife, the fear is felt regardless.

Sam Cooper (again)

Why is he so freaking fine??? My heart can't keep up with him

nothing would have happened if it weren't for you

pairing: Simon Riley x gn!reader cw: pure fluff wc: 1515 an: drooling like a dog whenever i write simon. the new trailer has been inspiration, and i want to marry this man.

Simon Riley had never known physical affection. He’d known fists, knives, and kicks to the stomach. He’d known the smell of bourbon and cigarettes from the second he’d been born. He’d known violence and pain from a man supposed to love him—or at the very least, shield him from danger. Unfortunately for Simon, it’d been his father who’d presented the biggest threat to him. 

His brother hadn’t been much better. While he’d never hurt Simon, he hadn’t been any help. His mother hadn’t been the worst, but she hadn’t been the best. She’d never been one to go to talent shows or to hang Simon’s picture on a wall. There hadn’t been a single person in his life who’d cared about him enough to keep him safe. 

He’d never known a gentle touch, and he’d never been bothered enough to seek it. 

He didn’t mean for it to happen—it just did. When you spend your entire life correlating someone’s touch to being hurt, you learn to cower away from it. Simon didn’t do hugs, or hand holding, or cuddles. He didn’t care about which side of the pavement he walked on or what temperature the thermostat was set to. 

Until you rolled around, that is. 

Vs

"It would have been easier if you'd just said yes."