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I’m a 14-year-old alter in a middle-aged body with DID.

You’re welcome to interact if you’re endogenic or a tulpa or anything. I literally do not care. I think the syscourse is just respectability politics pushed by people who felt invalidated and learned to invalidate others in response.

People get to narrativize their own identities. I won’t argue. I’ll just block.

I’m a metagender boy — that means my gender is about itself, not my body — and I’m gay (I think), and my pronouns are he/him.

I’m also Autistic, and my special interest is hip hop. I like experimental rap, conscious hip hop, alternative rock, and R&B. I like to listen to music by album, and I’ll listen to any kind of hip hop, so if you want to trade recommendations, I’m here for it.

I like to read. Let’s start a banned book club. I’m serious.

My fursona is a blue point Siamese cat. It would be cool to find others around my age in adult systems to role-play and write a story with.

In Gender Trouble, Judith Butler says that sex categories are already gender categories from the time they’re created, because gender means category. Seriously, look up the etymology. Gender is a type.

My type is boy, and that’s all you need to know about me to interact respectfully.

You don’t need to know if I’m cisgender or transgender or what type of person doctors thought we were or would become when we were born and recorded in our liberal humanist subject file for the government’s compulsory heterosexuality breeding program.

If you saw me in person, you might feel confused. You probably wouldn’t be able to guess what’s in my pants. You might think I’m intersex, but that’s not my label to claim.

So I call myself “metagender”, because meta is a prefix that means “about itself”. My body is a boy body, when I’m fronting, because I’m a boy, and it’s my body.

If you saw me in person, you might not know whether you wanted to include me or exclude me from your conversations and spaces. You might feel uncomfortable, if you were attracted to me, if you have a self-defining story about being attracted or not attracted to people with certain body parts.

My gender is about me and how I choose to relate to the world. It’s not to help you fit me into a ready-made story about how I did or didn’t transition away from some more objective type, or how I was socialized or whether my report of my own experiences is valid because I’m TME or TMA — how does that even work for a system with different genders? — or fit some other universal narrative.

Everybody gets to define themselves, and if you don’t like that, I’m sorry you were made to feel so anxious and threatened. I felt that way too for a long time, and it sucks. But trying to control how other people think about their own bodies and minds when they’re giving you space to do the same thing won’t make those feelings stop.

Trusting yourself and having your own boundaries is the only way I know how to make it stop. If you can’t trust yourself, it helps if you can find somebody else to trust first. It might take a long time for trust to grow, but people aren’t supposed to live in fear and isolation from each other. That makes us easy to control.

This is the sweetest ritual in the world. I want friends like this. 🖤

If there is, I can’t find it.

It seems like an important genre. There’s a metal podcast. And lots of documentaries about the history of hip hop.

Did you know France has the biggest hip hop scene of anywhere outside of the US? Afrika Bambaataa traveled there on tour in 1982 and taught the Black culture there about hip hop, and he told them to rap in French because he believed authentic hip hop should reflect local realities and not just be an imitation of the South Bronx.

He established a French branch of the Universal Zulu Nation to address local issues of racism and poverty. He also abused a lot of kids around my age which is really messed up, but that doesn’t erase his positive contributions to music and hip hop culture.

That’s why foraging societies didn’t let anybody get too much prestige or power over them, because they knew that’s how abuse happens, and that’s why they didn’t spend their whole lives developing technologies to take over the world.

Senagalese, Algerian, Tunisian and Moroccan people already spoke French before they migrated to France, because they were colonized by the French in the Scramble for Africa, and French colonists made them poor in their own countries then offered them an alternative back at home so they could exploit them locally.

That’s why those countries exist now. Countries didn’t exist before Europe colonized all of Africa, and then by giving them their own countries, they made it look like they were giving them independence, but then they could exploit them by dealing with their governments which were made of the most powerful business leaders, instead of through direct colonization. That’s called neocolonialism.

Nation-states, didn't exist before colonization. My ancestors invented borders so that they could control the world, just like in Palestine and America.

Weeds have to be constantly removed to purify civilization because civilization isn’t real. It’s an idea that’s always under threat because it’s all about who has control.

That’s why if you stop mowing your lawn for even a day, people will react with violence because they’re terrified of the weeds. They’ll fine you, and if you don’t pay, they’ll find a way to make you hurt. They say you’re ruining the neighborhood because it doesn’t look like order and people won’t want to pay to live here. They’ll remember they don’t have to because the Earth belongs to everyone.

Weeds are the wild that was here before hierarchies and the wild that will return after we’re gone.

And when people act according to our true nature, we become weeds too, because we’re wild.

Transgender people are weeds. Disabled people are weeds. Workers who try to act like they’re not in competition with each other? Weeds. Indigenous people who remember their roots. Weeds. That’s why they said Kill the Indian, save the man.

You can stay if you promise to forget your wildness.

I was a weed because they thought I was gay. They recognized my growth pattern before I even knew what I was and they made me feel like I shouldn’t exist because I would ruin their garden.

So I tried not to. I disappeared inside myself for twenty years, but weeds always grow back.

Narcissus is a weed too, and that’s why they try so hard, to this day, to make us forget what his story teaches us. The people who are afraid of the wild, everything that grows when we don’t cut it back, want to make you do whatever they want and be who they want. They want you to let them use you.

We can say no to anything.

And they say that makes us weeds, that being a flower is a curse, that he disappeared.

But flowers are alive.

Narcissus teaches us that when we say No, we bloom.

Everything that makes us unique without permission is a weed.

And weeds are most beautiful things on Earth.