#queer theory

“white men can’t be oppressed” -> gay men

“heterosexual men can’t be oppressed” -> trans men

“cis-het men can’t be oppressed” -> intersex men

“perisex men can’t be oppressed” -> disabled men

“able-bodied men can’t be oppressed” -> neurodivergent men

“cis-het perisex white able-bodied neurotypical men can’t be oppressed” -> buddy let me tell you about wealth and class and homelessness and immigrants and minority languages and cultures and being a child and being an elderly person and and and

if it isn't actively bad or harmful, no representation should be called "too simple" or "too surface level"

I have a whole argument for this about the barbie movie but today I wanna talk about a show called "the babysitters club" on Netflix

(obligatory disclaimer that I watched only two episodes of this show so if it's super problematic I'm sorry) (yes. I know it's based on a book, this is about the show)

this is a silly 8+ show that my 9 year old sister is watching and it manages to tackle so many complex topics in such an easy way. basic premise is these 13 year old girls have a babysitting agency.

in one episode, a girl babysits this transfem kid. the approach is super simple, with the kid saying stuff like "oh no, those are my old boy clothes, these are my girl clothes". they have to go to the doctor and everyone is calling the kid by her dead name and using he/him and this 13 year old snaps at like a group of doctors and they all listen to her. it's pure fantasy and any person versed in trans theory would point out a bunch of mistakes.

but after watching this episode, my little sister started switching to my name instead of my dead name and intercalating he/him pronouns when talking about me.

one of the 13 years old is a diabetic and sometimes her whole personality is taken over by that. but she has this episode where she pushes herself to her limit and passes out and talks about being in a coma for a while because of not recognizing the limits of her disability.

and this allowed my 9 year old sister to understand me better when I say "I really want to play with you but right now my body physically can't do that" (I'm disabled). she has even asked me why I'm pushing myself, why I'm not using my crutches when I complain about pain.

my mom is 50 years old and watching this show with my sister. she said the episode about the diabetic girl helped her understand me and my disability better. she grew up disabled as well, but she was taught to shut up and power through.

Transmasculine people have BEEN writing feminist theory centering the trans experience - Judith Butler, Jack Halberstam, José Esteban Muñoz (edit - incredible theorist, not transmasc sorry!!! more transmasc theorists in reblogs), Toby Beauchamp, Hil Malatino, Abram J. Lewis, Christopher Lee...

Do not believe anyone who tells you transmasculine people aren't speaking about our experiences, aren't theorizing, aren't publishing theory.

On Amatonormativity

Amatonormativity, Aromanticism, and What Defines a Relationship - Rilee Granger

Amatonormativity in the Law: An Introduction - Silver Flight

"Allonormativity and Compulsory Sexuality" (chapter 6 of Encyclopedia of Queer Studies in Education) - Stephanie Anne Shelton

'I Dont Want To be a Playa No More': An Exploration of the Denigrating effects of 'Player' as a Stereotype Against African American Polyamorous Men - Justin L. Clardy

On Relationship Anarchy

The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy - Andie Nordgren

The Relationship Anarchy website

Thinking Relationship Anarchy from a Queer Feminist Approach - Roma De las Heras Gómez

Beyond romantic love – an analysis of how the dilemma of closeness vs. autonomy is handled in relationship anarchy discourse - Ricardo Guillén

The Ethics of Relationship Anarchy - Ole Martin Moen

On community

Examining aromantic and asexual inclusion in queer-serving organizations - based on Lauren Lichty's work

Exploring Aromanticism Through an Online Qualitative Investigation With the Aromantic Community: “Freeing, Alienating, and Utterly Fantastic” - James Fowler et al.

Community Listening Sessions with Aromantic People: Summary and Recommendations Report

Aurea Aro Census

Sexuality, romantic orientation, and masculinity: Men as underrepresented in asexual and aromantic communities - Hannah Tessler

On QueerPlatonic Relationships

Queerplatonic Zucchinis: A Short Primer - Omnes and Nihil (unsure)

Queering the Nuclear Family - Katie Linder

Queer(ing) consensual nonmonogamies, queering therapy: queer intimacy, kinship, and experiences of CNM in LGBTQIA+ lives - Christian Klesse et al.

On intersectionality

Intimacy and Desire Through the Lens of an Aro-Ace Woman of Color

Being Aroflux & Black - Kimberley Butler

Transitioning into Aromanticism as a Trans Student - Amethyst

Existing and Defying Stereotypes as an A-spec Disabled Person - Sapphire Crimson Claw

A Reflection on the March Carnival of Aros (several testimonies by aros of color and non-cis/non-het aros are linked in this article)

Other aro-related interesting reads

New Dimensions, New Directions: Asexualities and Aromanticism in the 21st Century - Megan Carroll et al.

Enriching the Story: Asexuality and Aromanticism in Literature - Adrienne Whisman

The Importance of Representation for Lesser-Known Sexual Identities on the Example of Asexuality and Aromanticism - Jasmin Kiechle

Experiences of Italian Asexual and Aromantic Individuals in Healthcare Settings: from Explicitly Aggressive to Affirming Interactions

Other lists of aro-related ressources (not all sources listed in these are free though)

by Aurea

The Asexuality and Aromanticism Bibliography

Personal gender identity is diverse, and can vary from person to person, and can be expressed in a variety of ways.

White patriarchal gender ideals are strict, and are defined by proximity to power.

When a transmasc person says “hey I don’t have male privilege because I’m trans” they don’t mean they aren’t a man, they mean they aren’t a man according to white patriarchal gender ideals. They are acknowledging the lack of proximity to power that results from their transness, and that directly interferes with their ability to live up to the expectations of manhood. This is, of course, exacerbated if they are a person of color.

It is not “misgendering” to say that a transmasc person does not align with the white patriarchal gender ideal of manhood, because many men dont-cis and trans alike. Trans men are men in SPITE of their lack of proximity to power, because as queer people we cannot allow our personhood to be defined by white patriarchal gender ideals.

If you are denying the struggles that trans men and transmascs face simply because they are men YOU ARE ENFORCING THESE IDEALS, because you are affirming the fact that manhood is exclusively defined by proximity to power. I hope I do not have to explain why this is bad.