I call my piano 'Keith'.

Luke’s face is what makes this.

I understand some of you are 19 but that is not an old man, he's 32.

Reblog to cast healing for your homies.

do you ever want to gently float up to someone and whisper “this isn’t a debate; i am actually educated on the subject and i’m telling you you’re wrong”

Yes and I would also like to gently float in general.

this is the most positive addition that has ever been made on my post

LA is so funny cause wym i just stopped at Chipotle and accidentally had a conversation with the producer of Van Helsing 2004 and got to tell him that im clinically obsessed with that movie and he was like “i’ll text the director that right now he’ll love that”

i think a lot of you guys are vastly overestimating the celebrity status of a 65 year old editor producer of a 2004 movie who was picking up his own Chipotle in cargo shorts

honey is the only food product that never spoils. there are pots of honey that are over five thousand years old and still completely edible

i also want to point out we know it tastes the same even after thousands of years b/c archaeologists who discovered two thousand year old honey tasted it. presumably right after they looked at each other and went “what the hell here goes nothing”

I’m pretty sure they also identify human remains by taste. Archaeologists are straight up freaks.

mai nam is jane and wen i dig i fynde some roks both smol and big i put my tung upon the stone for science yes i lik the bone

I’m sitting with a bunch of archaeologists and we just laughed so hard we CRIED we’re getting tshirts with this on them

I will never ever get tired of seeing bredlik poems. It is really one of the seminal art forms of the century. I am not being sarcastic. 

If I ever don’t reblog this, assume I’m dead and archaeologists are licking my bones.

noteworthy that they literally had a mask on me hooked up to a tank pumping narcotics into my lungs through all this, and my body temperature was like 34°. I would have been doing well to just have both eyes pointed in the same direction

"This is great. I'm going to get a good grade in post-accident cognition."

We have once again returned to the four humors

in World War 1 around 8 million horses died but in World War 2 it was under a million which can only mean horses started to evolve bullet resistance

90% of age gaps don’t matter when you’re a grown adult as long as you don’t have a repeated pattern of dating people barely legal. I would date someone 30 years older than me if I liked them who gaf

This entire conversation is somehow 90% people infantilizing themselves and 10% actually people talking about the issue of men who never grow out of dating 18/19 year olds. No it is not a big deal when a 25 year old dates a 35 year old please get a grip

Honestly if you’re in your mid twenties infantilizing yourself on this level maybe you shouldn’t be dating anyone

“You can’t fix him” I don’t wanna fix him! I wanna FUCK him! I’m a pervert not a psychologist!

it. it ends in 50 years…..horse is fucking eternal

Let’s keep the post circulating for 50 years it’ll be great when we’re all in the old folks home