The She-Witch

no motorcycle (i will be so mad if you crash and die)

no pilots license (i will be very mad if you fly into a mountain and die)

no smoking (i will never forgive you if you get lung cancer and die)

no fast cars (i will be so mad if you die in a high-speed crash)

go to the dermatologist (i will be so mad if you get skin cancer and die)

@tinylilhollander

the city of los angeles

the city of new york

sex

how drinking alcohol works

how getting high works

how a child of any age speaks

how nuclear physics work

how [my job] works

how debilitating being shot in the shoulder is

how hypothermia works

things I have never before seen someone fake their way through writing about, until today:

SHRIMP COCKTAIL:

banahbanah: #flashback to that one fic where Peter Parker frets about drinking shrimp cocktail because of the alcohol

generaldeliciousness: adding: what a prawn/shrimp cocktail is

#why is your character turning it down because they're under 21 #do you think prawn cocktail is a cocktail #this lives in my brain rent-free constantly #the rest of the fic was so normal #and good enough that i'll still re-read it #but bro

And then many, MANY, people wondering if this was actually authour mistake, since Peter really would do this!

POMEGRANATES:

zhajhassa: #haha where's that post that was like someone describing someone eating a pomegranate but they ate it like an apple

thornhands: #once someone wrote persephone biting into a whole Pomegranate #had to stop and stare at a wall for a minute

sungsingsanguine: I once saw someone very confidently write about a character eating slices of pomegranate.

FRUIT TREES:

zagreuses-toast: #given a very endearing glimpse into a writers blindspots by seeing them describe someone sitting under a ''pineapple tree''

salatrash: I remember something about picking watermelons... OF A FUCKING TREE

baander: #cranberry trees

DOUGH/BATTER:

maycelium: #I'm a chef so I'm really used to people not accurately describing how to cook food #But I was surprisingly flabbergasted when someone was writing making a cake and was kneading it. Which uh #Not necessary for cake. It was interesting for sure but just bizarre

livebloggingmydescentintomadness: #the one that drove me nuts was when a character set aside a batch of PASTA DOUGH 'to rise' #pasta doesn't have yeast!! #it does need to REST but it will never RISE #you do not want an airy crumb on your noodles

lovesodeepandwideandwell: #THE ONE WHERE THEY MADE COOKIES BY LADLING BATTER INTO A TRAY

Some other topics:

This man spent like the entirety of his twenties and early thirties as a graceful and powerful peak lord in a fantasy novel. That does some weird shit to you I'm sure.

Imagine he gets shot back into his old life, and after freaking out then compartmentalizing everything, he starts incorporating things from his life as Shen Qingqiu into his life now.

I think the funniest way to conceptualize this is through the POV of, like, his sister.

- Shen-mei just got back from college to visit her brother, who got out of a hospital stay a week ago. Last time she saw him, he mostly grumbled about a shitty web novel and binged some anime with her and ate takeout.

- when she gets there, the house is, like, unsettlingly clean.

-When her brother appears, he has hair going to the middle of his fucking back. When asked about it, he just shrugs and says he got extensions. Extensions that look extremely fucking expensive

- It's summer. It's the middle of fucking summer and this man is wearing a collared shirt with a large-sleeved sweater over it, and loose pants. She has not seen him in anything more formal than jeans since her graduation

- he offers tea. She's only ever seen him microwave tea, but before she can decline he whips out a whole traditional tea ceremony tea set. The tea is really fucking good, and he has matching snacks???

- there's new paintings on the wall, when she asks where he got them, he sheepishly admits he painted them. They're incredibly beautiful traditional paintings. She wouldn't believe him if it weren't for... Everything else.

- A curly haired man comes in and introduces himself as A-yuans boyfriend

- A-YUAN HAS A BOYFRIEND??? WHOS A 10???

- AND NAMED LUO BINGHE???

“Ghosts aren’t real” it’s very fair and rational that you believe that

“Ghosts aren’t real anymore” I’m about to hear a poem or very sad story

a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5

Nie Huaisang isn't proud of hiding behind his fiance, exactly, but all the Jiang disciples besides Wei Wuxian keep glaring at him and it's making him very nervous.

"I don't know how to feel about the fact that you're more scared of the Jiang than the Wen," Wen Qing says dryly from where she's reviewing schedules and Nie Huaisang is laying on the ground moaning instead of helping her like he'd told everyone he was going to do. Wei Wuixan does drop in to help her sometimes, but if he's out of the Jiangs' sight for too long, they get antsy.

Wen Qing isn't going to steal him away! No, she and Mingjue of have signed a contract and now Nie Huaisang is the one that's being bargained away. That the Wen and Nie land borders each other and he'll be able to visit home basically whenever he wants softens the blow. If he has to marry out, this isn't a bad way to do it.

It doesn't hurt that the woman he's set to marry is one of the best medical cultivators alive and also a sect leader. Her place is precarious, but it's firmer now with official support from the Nie. The Jiang too, since Jiang Fengmian obviously wasn't going to shy away from claiming credit for it all when Wei Wuxian had literally been the one to place Wen Qing on the throne.

The Lan, too, are supportive. He wonders how much of that was due to Lan Wangji wanting to make sure the contract between him and Wen Qing stays in place and Wei Wuxian remains free to be courted.

"They're notoriously easy going," Wen Qing says and it takes him a moment to figure out she's still talking about the Jiang.

"Yeah," he agrees, "until you piss them off."