ok

You go into a creepy mansion and there’s a cloaked figure learning how to play the organ from a YouTube tutorial on their phone. You leave them to it.

theres ALWAYS a relevant XKCD for everything huh

bat opens up their little bat wallet to find they are all out of moths. A worthless $100 bill flies out for emphasis

Jon Arbuckle is the default human skin.

the thing about adulthood is when someone says something extremely rude to you, you can either turn the other cheek or calmly & firmly correct them. The third option is to tell them “say that again, I’ll bite you” & everyone sort of nervously laughs and tries to move on from your little joke. Which is why I think it’s very important that when they do say it again you follow through. Nobody actually expects you to bite them. We should be biting more. Also if you’re with the county health department do not read thi s post

NO WAY

raccoons make no sense because they will leave your birdseed and garbage and garden and compost pile alone but they WILL open a barrel and pull out an empty 5 gallon gas canister and unscrew the lid and leave it in your yard and also untie the dog tether from your porch beam for no reason

god gave them hands but not shame

You are angry about something. “Clam down,” I text you. You assume I have made a typo, but in fact I am holding a small soldier clam in my hands. He died so young. War is hell

born to “teehee” forced to “haha”