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Poiss(on)titution

I love it when media fucks up the wording of the Rasputin disclaimer and ends up with shit like "any resemblance to people or locations living or dead is coincidental". I'd love to know what committing libel against a dead location would entail.

Fuck the Fiesta Mall in Mesa, AZ. I heard it ate someone once.

this sea sucks shit. it doesnt even have any scrolls im sure

“Jesus Shaves”

a party of adventurers that are all equally convinced that they are in completely different forms of media

the mage keeps giving smug glances in the direction they assume a camera is in. the fighter keeps getting indignant about missing attacks because of "bad dice rolls." the rogue is doubtful that a villain is gone for good because "nobody ever stays dead in comics." the paladin attributes fortune to "good rng." none of them have even considered that "tumblr post" was an option

“ice water makes you sick” “ice water gives you stomach cramps” i’m sorry if i have a hardy and oxlike american constitution but unless you have underlying health issues, the only water temperature that should cause adverse health effects is if you chug a gallon of boiling hot water that has also been laced with nefarious chemicals

Yeah, most people haven’t and never will so this won’t actually happen to me.

This misinformation is actually dangerous. If you drink ice cold water after workout, you can freeze and crack your gut mucus that protects you from your own digestión acids and could create an ulcer.

also note for everyone under extreme heat this summer who has access safe to ice: you can just hold an ice cube in your mouth to cool yourself down. it's good for you

Yeah, "ice water is bad/ice water doesn't hydrate you" is a fucking myth. It's based on the fact that cool water satiates thirst more effectively than warm water, but with enough mental gymnastics to get Olympic gold.

Remember when Hillary said Trump would create a white supremacist resurgence and the pundits tsk tsked her for going off message

Remember when Hillary said Trump was working either for or with the Russian government and the pundits said “both sides have their conspiracy theories.”

Remember when Hillary gave a speech talking about economic concerns unique to women of color and no one outside her dedicated press pool reported on it because Trump tweeted something stupid that day. 

Remember when Hillary said Trump presented a threat to the free press that rvialed any third world dictator and pundits yelled at her for not holding more press conferences. 

Remember when Hillary gave a big speech about her economic policy and NBC ran a chyron that said “Hillary tries to move past her email troubles.”

Remember when Hillary wasn’t an orange fascist dictator-to-be surrounding herself with white supremacists and yes-men and people said she was no different from Trump

everyone who said “they’re both the same” owes me a personal apology