How Remadora fanfics made me stop being a die hard shipper
I already addressed a bit of this story in this post. I explained how I have seen myself in Tonks since the 5th book came out and how the way most of the fandom sees her is not like me at all. Itās someone I donāt recognise or relate to.
Nowā¦ I admit that listening to the full cast audiobooks made me ship Remadora more again. I only wish they have been better developed.
But thereās another thing about Remadora fanfics that makes me really uncomfortable: they make me hate Remus! And this is huge for me, since he has always been my biggest literary crush since Prisoner of Azkaban and Iāve been writing romantic fanfics about him and my OC since before Half Blood Prince!
Most Remadora fanfics make him an immature and impulsive guy with no emotional responsability whatsoever, who doesnāt know what he wants and played with Tonksā feelings for almost a year!
Iām sorry, but thatās not my Remus!
The Remus I always read about was a people pleaser, someone who could not bare the idea of people disliking him, since he was so used to it. But, above all, he couldnāt bare the idea of hurting someone!
Remus grew up watching his parents being outcasts and suffering because of him! He didnāt want to put anyone through what his parents had suffered. He genuinely believed ā and was probably right in a way ā that he couldnāt have anyone, and thatās why he had never fallen in love before Tonks and kept running away every time he started to feel anything for someone. Thatās canon!
Remus was also an overcontrolled man, who tamed the human because he couldnāt tame the wolf. Whenever he loses his control is because something that hit him hard happened (finding out that Pettigrew was the traitor, learning of Dumbledoreās death, having a nervous breakdown when Harry called him a coward for wanting to leave Tonks and Teddy to protect themā¦
We also see him out of control with happiness when Teddy is born. There are also moments (especially in Prisoner of Azkaban) when we can clearly see that heās trying to control himself, like the moment when he almost puts his hand on Harryās shoulder, but immediately quits.
Thereās also the moment in his biography when he thinks Tonks is in love with Sirius and gets so hurt with jealousy that he lets slip with bitterness: āI suppose youāve fallen for him. He always got the women.ā Yes, I know this isnāt a big impulsive moment, but it counts anyway. He felt hurt, so he answered bitterly, but he didnāt declare his feelings.
So, no, I donāt see him as a man who would keep sleeping with someone and then regret it, then do it again and regret it again and again, like he usually does in fanfiction. No. Thatās not Remus!
Hereās whatās written on his official biography:
Clever, brave and funny, pink-haired Nymphadora Tonks was a protĆ©gĆ©e of Alastor āMad-Eyeā Moody (ā¦)
Remus, so often melancholy and lonely, was first amused, then impressed, then seriously smitten by the young witch. He had never fallen in love before. If it had happened in peacetime, Remus would have simply taken himself off to a new place and a new job (ā¦)
It had never occurred to Remus that Tonks could return his feelings because he had become so used to considering himself unclean and unworthy. One night when they lay in hiding outside a known Death Eaterās house, after a year of increasingly warm friendship, Tonks made an idle remark about one of their fellow Order members (āHeās still handsome, isnāt he, even after Azkaban?ā). Before he could stop himself, Remus had replied bitterly that he supposed she had fallen for his old friend (āHe always got the women.ā). At this, Tonks became suddenly angry. āYouād know perfectly well who Iāve fallen for, if you werenāt too busy feeling sorry for yourself to notice.ā
Remusās immediate response was a happiness he had never experienced in his life, but this was extinguished almost at once by a sense of crushing duty. He had always known that he could not marry and run the risk of passing on his painful, shameful condition. He therefore pretended not to understand Tonks, which did not fool her at all. Wiser than Remus, she was sure that he loved her, but that he was refusing to admit it out of mistaken nobility. However, he avoided any further excursions with her, barely talked to her, and started volunteering for the most dangerous missions. Tonks became desperately unhappy, convinced not only that the man she loved would never willingly spend time with her again, but also that he might walk to his death rather than admit his feelings.
Remus came face-to-face with both Greyback and Tonks at Hogwarts barely a year later, when the Order clashed with Death Eaters within the castle. During this battle, Remus lost yet another person he had loved: Albus Dumbledore.
In the aftermath of the bloody fight, inspired by Fleur Delacourās protestation of enduring love for Bill Weasley, who had been savaged by Greyback, Tonks made a brave, public declaration of her feelings for Remus, who was forced to admit the strength of his love for her.
It tells us that Remus fell in love with Tonks slowly and hid that feeling inside him. When he found out she loved him back, he simply started to avoid her.
We know from the books that she insisted (āI told you a million timesā), because she was no fool and knew he was in love with her, and that he kept rejecting her not because he didnāt love her, but because he felt like she ādeserved someone young and wholeā and he was ātoo old for her, too poor, tooā¦ dangerousā.
So if we think about it, itās not very likely that they actually got involved before the scene in the Hospital Wing. Maybe a kiss or a night together while drunkā¦ I donāt really like the idea, but I think itās reasonable to think that it could have happened, yes. Maybe.
But the truth that Remadora fanfics made me forget for a while is: canon never suggests that they got together and then he regretted, and then came back and regretted it again, and so on (and Tonks being the kind of woman who accepts that and still wants to marry him!). It actually shows us that he kept running away and telling her he couldnāt be with anyone.
Remus always knew what he wanted: he wanted to be alone because he was a danger for peopleās safety and reputation. He always wanted to do the right thing (although he wasnāt always sucessful) and be seen like a good guy, not a stereotypical werewolf.
Remus would never let a personal desire make him look like a bad person.
Even though his heart craved for love and intimacy, he always ran from those things. Thatās actually one of the things that defines him the most.
Donāt worry, I still ship Remadora. In canon and most fanarts. But in fanfiction, I can only ship Remus with my OC.
