Not all those who wander are lost.

Going out alone isn’t so bad after-all. A good walk and a cup of coffee is more than enough to release stress, it’s enough to turn a bad day into a good one.

It’s one of those mornings where I ask myself hard questions about life. I worry about the future. I question the present.

I am having random anxiety attacks and it has been going for months now. I am not sure about my stand in this world. I am not sure if I am in the right place. I don’t know whether the decisions I’ve made in the past is right. I don’t know if this is what I really want. I don’t know if this is what’s going to make me happy. All I know is that I don’t know.

There were times that you’ll get stuck in the middle of nowhere. Confused as to whether take a step or back out. Life can sometimes appear as a maze , but believe that you’ll find your way.

In times like this, it’s nice to have someone who will pull you back to reality and will make you feel that you are not alone in this journey. Someone who will assure you that everything will be okay. Oftentimes, all we want is an assurance.

After-work free time was spent working on something that I love. Our project is to reach another milestone and it feels awesome and overwhelming at the same time. Too overwhelming that I feel scared that it might fail. But screw fear, we’ll never know unless we try. What’s important is that we believe in this.

We ended the night nicely. We had a home-cooked dinner. Mom and John did the preparation while I wait like a Queen. Lol. I like seeing them bonding in the kitchen that’s why I didn’t bother getting in between. Specially John, who doesn’t really do such things.  Nothing beat dinners at home with people you love.

Good night, indeed.

Sometimes I get caught up with the uncertainty of today and the future. What am I doing with my life? What am I going to do with my life? What do I want? Is this what I really want? Am I on the right path? What’s my future going to be? Am I going to be successful? Or I am doomed to failure? Questions that I need answers or else I’ll be suffering from daily panic attacks.

  It was just one of those days wherein I worry about everything in life and it’s slowly killing me. I’m scared that I am taking the wrong road. That I’ll be reaching the end of the road and there’s no way out. After-all the hard work, the next question is, what now?

  Just like everyone else, I am scared of the future.

All a girl needs in life on a lonely Saturday night. The only thing that is missing are a bottle of Vodka and Zac Efron (okay fine. i’d rather share all of these with you than Zac).

Oh. Funny stuff. I was alone at the kitchen, eating Ben & Jerry’s, when my housemate saw me. I was like, “Yeah. Depressed lang ang peg ko tonight.” lol

Today, I met with fellow start-up friends who has the desire to give back by helping other people. It’s really different when you’re talking to people who has the same drive and passion. It motivates me more to do better and to continue the good stuff that I am brewing. It’s all about doing something great.

We met to finalize some stuff about the project we are working on. We have something great cooking and I am really excited about this. If ever, this is going to be my debut in Dubai; the first event that I am going to be a part of. It feels so good to actually be part of something great. I am lucky and blessed to have met these people who would love to share their talents and time for a cause.

Tanginang feelings yan. Kayang sirain ang magandang araw. Kayang palungkutin ang masayang mundo. Kayang sirain ang magandang relasyon. Kayang wasakin ang mundo.

Tanginang feelings yan. Kailangan bang uminom ng 100 tableta ng pain reliever, mawala lang ang sakit? May injection ba para mawala ang bakterya ng emosyon? May magic spell ba para makalimot?

There will always be a kid in me. Loom Bands mania is almost gone, but it’s just now that I started going gaga over it. I’ve been wanting to buy a set for quite some time now, but all I see were expensive ones sold online. Until my officemate told me that she saw one in some thrifty shop and so I asked her to buy it for me.

The box has been sitting on my Raskog for almost 3 weeks now and it’s just today that I decided to open it and try making one. I searched for some tutorial on YouTube. I stumbled upon this Starburst Rainbow Loom Band tutorial. It’s a little intermediate for a beginner like me, but I still gave it a try.

The tutorial video is like 17 minutes long and that alone makes me feel lazy. And it’s not easy, ha. It’s so complicated. And you have to be careful or else your band might break.

December 2013 | Batangas, PH

One of our last moments and last photos together before I left for Dubai. These are a few of my favorite photos of us. It captured our sisterly love and how vain we are together. You will always be my little girl and I miss you a lot - I should've snuck you on my suitcase.

Throwback entry featuring ze college friends. Back to the days where we still do studio shots (Tronix days!). Nene days, indeed. No shame in posting. Actually, I don't get where'd we get our inspiration for this pose - we look cute and happy though. Anyways, spot me. I look like a malnourished kid who hasn't have sleep for like 3 days straight. Also, I have to point out my invisible brows which made me look like an alien. lol

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It was a normal day at work, nothing special. Social Media from 9 to 6 and a little laughter shared with colleagues about this and that.

I ate a lot of Digestive biscuits today (Thanks, Lara!) and had 2 cups of coffee and yet I still feel sleepy. I’m still on my diet. Not that kind of diet that you’re thinking. I don’t starve myself. I eat what I want, though I am trying not to eat rice. Also, not the kind of trying to be in shape by working out till I feel dead tired. I do running and pilates sometimes, but that’s it. I might do yoga soon, too.

Told you. Normal day.

As of writing, I just got home and changed to my PJs right away. It’s Thursday and others are prepping up for their night out. And being the lola that I am, who is already home at 6PM on a weekend, is planning to spend her night watching random movies online, or catching up on TV series, then will most probably continue reading Attachments and might do a DIY Facial Mask and manicure before hitting the sack.

Sounds like a great night, right?

Ayumi had a great emptiness inside her, like a desert at the edge of the earth. You could try watering it all you wanted, but everything would be sucked down to the bottom of the world, leaving no trace of moisture. No life could take root there. Not even birds would fly over it. What had created such a wasteland inside Ayumi, only she herself knew. No, maybe not even Ayumi knew the true cause. As if to build a fence around the fatal emptiness inside her, she had to create the sunny person that she became. But if you peeled away the ornamental egos that she had built, there was only an abyss of nothingness and the intense thirst that came with it. Though she tried to forget it, the nothingness would visit her periodically - on a lonely rainy afternoon, or at dawn when she woke from a nightmare. What she needed at such times was to be held by someone, anyone.

It’s indeed true that if you want to talk things over, better do it with a cup of coffee. Or in our case, a cup of chai tea latte for me and fruit shake for my friend.

We need something chill because we both know that it’s going to be a looongggtalk.

Being in a complicated situation sucks. I don’t know why we often choose to be in that circle. Like how did I end up in that circle? Because I abhor complications and yet it clings on to me like a crying baby. Also, I hope that settling an issue is as easy one, two, three, but it isn’t. It’s not like you can sleep on it and then when you wake up, the solution to your dilemma is served like breakfast in bed.

Feelings is something you can’t control. When love chooses you, you have no option but to take it; you can’t run away from it. It is not forced nor taught, it is felt. Like a magical feeling. Love is the most amazing feeling in the world, yet the most painful at the same time. And you will not agree unless you’ve felt what true love is like.

Love is all about finding the right person at the right time; and it’s not that easy to find. Timing can be a total bitch. You either meet the right person at the wrong time or the wrong person at the right time. If only Cupid really exist. If only Cupid can hit your hearts perfectly bulls-eye. Then I guess divorce or broken heart would never exist.

But there’s no Cupid. Or a store where you can buy love and return if there’s a damage or whatnot. Love doesn’t work that way. Lucky are you if you find your true love at first try, but often times you fall in love with a number of people and yes, you’ll get your heart broken over and over again that you sometimes find yourself on the verge of giving up on love.

Nail Diaries | 001: July - August

China Glaze Pink Plumeria