Hyperbole + Emily

museum curator, watching steve waltz into the smithsonian, the memory of having the stolen cap america authentic howling commando era uniform returned dirty and ridden with bullet holes still fresh in their mind: hide the VALUABLES

#ah yes #the joys of attempting to figure out how to deaccession a bunch of shit#that previously belonged in the ‘no living claims’ category#and has for DECADES #what i would not give to see that paper trail tho#like was everything of Steve’s now owned by the Army upon being declared KIA and they donated it to the Smithsonian or what#MINUTIAE OF MUSEUM WORK IN THE MCU I WANT TO KNOW DAMMIT#like the museum has HAD to have dealt with fraudulent claims before so they’d have everything but ‘The Actual Original Owner’ showing up#locked down #okay but also #how long have they had this shit#when was any of this declassified via afearsomecritter

#SO LIKE HERE’S THE FUN THING  #the smithsonian doesn’t deaccession A N Y T H I N G  #they have things that are rotting to pieces and old plastic destroying itself and RADIOACTIVE MATERIAL that any SANE MUSEUM would have  #GOTTEN THE FUCK OUT OF THERE  #but because it’s PROPERTY OF THE UNITED STATES GUMMINT due to it being the national museum (system thing)  #you can’t throw away so much as a paperclip #if it’s been accessioned  #(there’s a paperclip collection at american history don’t @ me)#(american history is america’s junk drawer it’s hell on earth)  #so steve would be like ‘hey that’s my stuff’ and the smithsonian would start S W E A T I N G  B U L L E T S  #because deaccessioning captain america’s personal belongings? is basically steve rogers stealing government property  #which he does! all the time!  #but they aren’t supposed to let him do that  #and the paperwork is going to be: the worst  #and possibly require an act of congress  #and also FINDING IT IN AMERICAN HISTORY OOOOOH MY GOD like three years after  #THE COLLECTIONS CALAMITY WE DO NOT SPEAK OF (but that we all got published for thank fuck we got something out of it)  #someone finds like a stash of photos and a map and a few trinkets in a cabinet  #that had gotten lost in collection  #‘we have to tell him!’ says the intern who found it  #so earnest! so young! so in grad school!  #‘we absolutely the fuck do not’ hisses michelle who will HAPPILY live out the rest of her days if steven fucking rogers NEVER  #DARKENS HER DOOR AGAIN  #the intern squeals obviously  #michelle fantasizes about murdering her and also captain america throughout the entire process and it almost gets her through  #the textile conservator who initially had to process the captain america suit after he ‘returned’ it the first time still hisses angrily at  #*steve like a cat whenever he walks by  #…this got away from me (via @alyharania)

oh steven grant rogers is KIND and POLITE and CONSIDERATE to front-line museum staff, he will politely move himself to the side so he doesn’t cause traffic issues if he gets recognized and a couple kids want pictures, he apologizes to security for causing a scene (he didn’t mean to! he thought his baseball cap disguise would work, bless him). he returns his maps (sweet and so unnecessary but then one of the volunteers can take a map captain america used and will probably sign for them back to their grandkids so that’s nice). the docents LOVE him; he’s both a Nice Young Man and also from Back in Their Day.

#I LOVE STEVEN GRANT ROGERS WITH ALL MY HEART BUT IF I WAS THE MYTHIC LORRAINE#(who doesn’t exist because american history hates their costume and textile collection lolololol)#I WOULD STRANGLE STEVEN GRANT ROGERS WITH MY MEASURING TAPE AND NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT AT ALL#*also yes i realize bucky barnes; hydra; etc. where also responsible for What The Fuck Happened To That Suit but steven grant rogers#would take responsibility for what happened to it#it’s not FAIR but also he’s a martyr#(the replica suit goes on display four years later and a scruffy guy with one arm and long hair is at the opening reception#kinda squinting at it#lorraine has already had like two cocktails because SHE’S DONE MOTHERFUCKERS NEW PROJECTS 4 HER#and he seems kinda nice #until she sees steve fucking rogers walk up to him#and overhears one arm dude say ‘didn’t i shoot you in that thing?’#she doesn’t get to hear steve explain that ‘ms. lorraine made a replica’ and ‘she’s brilliant’ and kind of scary#‘she said it wasn’t safe to put the old one on display so she made a new one’#because a red mist of rage has descended over her eyes#because she knows now who was responsible for the fucking bullet holes and all that FUCKING crusted blood and all that FUCKING MUD#her current intern#who is VERY excited about the new project they have preparing all the peggy carter mannequins for the SHIELD exhibit in three years#and is pretty sure they aren’t going to be able to intern if lorraine gets arrested#steers her back outside the gallery and back to the drinks and appetizers#michelle pats the new intern on the arm#‘you’ll go far young padawan’ she says and makes murder eyes at a polite looking steve rogers#who detours to chat with a docent instead) (via @alyharania)

imagine bucky barnes stealing his jacket back. and making adjustments for his new arm