Humans Are Space Orcs

and another one is like ”wait so you’re saying humans don’t have stripes.”

”actually they do, but the stripes are invisible. There’s genetic code that’d give them stripes but they’re just the same colour as the rest of the skin. So the visible stripes are not real stripes and the real stripes are invisible.”

and humans are like oh yeah we don’t fuck with that

and aliens are like you literally hop galaxies with little to no understanding of what you’ll find but you won’t venture into your own aquatic abyss?

and humans simply say scan it

If you watch the smaller of their young

With the vocabulary I have the closest I can get semantically is ‘mid-nestling to fledgling fresh-fallen from the nest’ but the concepts don’t quite map to how human offspring develop. Another way to phrase it is able to move around under their own power but still heavily dependent on parental intervention for survival.

I could not relate more to the customer service comment.

Human: Yeah, it’s called “hysterical strength” and it usually happens in life-or-death situations, like when someone gets stuck under a car or something and someone lifts the car to get them out. We can’t really test it though, ‘cause it only happens spontaneously.

Alien: Humans have the ability to tap into untold strength and power and you don’t even know how you do it?

Human: Pretty much, yeah. We think it has something to do with temporary analgesia, so we just don’t feel the pain we should when we pick up a 3000-pound car.

Alien: YOUR PAIN RESPONSE JUST SHUTS OFF?

Human: Yeah, it’s like an adrenaline thing? Do you not have that?

Human: Yeah, it’s called “hysterical strength” and it usually happens in life-or-death situations, like when someone gets stuck under a car or something and someone lifts the car to get them out. We can’t really test it though, ‘cause it only happens spontaneously.

Alien: Humans have the ability to tap into untold strength and power and you don’t even know how you do it?

Human: Pretty much, yeah. We think it has something to do with temporary analgesia, so we just don’t feel the pain we should when we pick up a 3000-pound car.

Alien: YOUR PAIN RESPONSE JUST SHUTS OFF?

Human: Yeah, it’s like an adrenaline thing? Do you not have that?

Human Steve: ow my back

Alien: WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU BOTHER HAVING A SPINE IF IT FUCKIN SUCKS SO BAD???? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?? ITS LIKE A STACK OF OREOS ON A STRING

Human Steve: having a piece of crap body makes us stronger

Alien:

Human: Yeah, it’s called “hysterical strength” and it usually happens in life-or-death situations, like when someone gets stuck under a car or something and someone lifts the car to get them out. We can’t really test it though, ‘cause it only happens spontaneously.

Alien: Humans have the ability to tap into untold strength and power and you don’t even know how you do it?

Human: Pretty much, yeah. We think it has something to do with temporary analgesia, so we just don’t feel the pain we should when we pick up a 3000-pound car.

Alien: YOUR PAIN RESPONSE JUST SHUTS OFF?

Human: Yeah, it’s like an adrenaline thing? Do you not have that?

So of course, what do we do when another human will die without something we could live without? We go to our local hospital and undergo trauma to provide them with it, for no compensation.

Sure you might need to eat and drink more, take antibiotics or anti rejection drugs, but hey!

“Well, we’ve got a few things that do that, but yeah, like… four of them?”

“….Four?”

“Well, counting tonsils.”

“You are… How are you alive, again?”

“You make it sound so weird. I still have two kidneys- One’s synthetic, the other was donated.”

“…….donated?”

“Yeah, my girlfriend was compatible.”

“Donated.”

“….Yeah? Like, we had the same blood type and everything, and she volunteered. What, you guys don’t do that? What do you do when someone needs a liver, or something?”

“We… clone one.”

“Okay, sure, but what did you do before cloning? You didn’t just like, give someone a piece?”

“….. we died? Wait, what do you mean, ‘give someone a piece’?”

“Well, our livers can grow back. You can give someone a piece of yours, and they can grow their own. You guys don’t do that?”

I’ve been looking at these humans are weird/humans are space orcs/Earth is space Australia posts and I’ve yet to see anything related to static electricity. Like how would aliens react to the idea that humans can just accidentally “shock” each other and how would humans explain that. Or what would it look like when an alien gets “shocked” for the first time, and the human that shocked them was not effected or not as effected as the alien was. What if aliens can’t accumulate static like humans can but they can still be shocked by statically charged humans.

Human 1: has anyone seen my communicator?

Human 2: dude, you just put it in your pocket like a few seconds ago.

Human 1: I did? Oh.