they killed him like princess diana

cartwebb secretary au

> River recieves gifts: dead bugs in the mail. he's like ew wtf disgusting but also intrigued. obv knows who they're from, his peculiar friend. Spider is all yay courtship 🥰🕷🪱 but if pressed to explain he'd laugh it off. "hey, i'm just messing with you, Cartwright"

> they work together for MI5, see each other every day in the office. the attraction is there, but River is shy... Spider picks up on it and teases him bc he's a brat and just here to have a good time.

> something leads to a fight, things get physical and both discover it turns them on. they start doing stuff but it's not a relationship bc they never talk about it (canon btw, relationship in a limbo if you never establish that you're dating...). they don't even need to have sex here, just kinky play and maybe masturbating in separate rooms (as per movie)

> this lasts for a while until river gets scared, the shame of dating a man or finally finding something that fits him sexually but is too emasculating (dom sub play, humiliation etc.) makes river pull away, seemingly ending the relationship. spider is sad :( and pissed! (maybe that's why Stansted happens... or whatever)

> both try to move on. river (or spider) starts dating someone else, a nice healthy relationship without any excitement. one thing quickly leads to another, suddenly he's engaged.

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4]

pt. 3

Reminder: A poor little meow meow is a person who is like a sad wet cat and evokes sympathy despite being a little bit evil.

FAQ: This is a bracket style tournament. No new characters can be added. I will not be changing poll images. Tumblr poll choices are permanent and cannot be changed.

he's a nepo baby spy but he sucks at it

gets an average of 2 concussions per season . head injuries georg over here. has also been blown up, shot at, fell through a roof,

his dad is evil and tries to recruit him into his child soldier assassin squad before dropping a grenade in his hood when he says no

convinced he's the main character of the universe and really annoying about it. everyone else thinks he is a loser and they're right