they killed him like princess diana

slow horses prompt: river gets stuck in a well. he can’t figure out how to get out and nearly dies

slow horses prompt: river gets run over by a horse (animal). then he gets run over by a horse (coworker)

slow horses prompt: river gets mauled by a walrus

First of all he's not my boyfriend he's some other shit. Plus scientists don't even know the ramifications of it's hazards yet

Dude my roommate fucking hates it when we're hanging out naked on the couch and I start crawling my hand on him like a spider and call it mr spider and when he tells me to cut it out get really sad and start saying shit like "But Mr Spider LOVES to crawl on you!" and when he grabs my wrist to remove mr spider it breaks free and then starts crawling around even faster, and jumping, too,

resurrected dead wife watching her own montage: wow I looked so hot in that

i actually think a tiger team style deal as his day job would fix a solid 50% of river's problems. once a week they should set him loose on some kind of High Security Area and see how far he gets. even if the park just let him do this every now and then to test security while still being a slow horse i think it'd vastly improve his whole deal

someone accused me of feigning a sexual attraction to spiders for clout. there's easier ways to get clout, man.....