Why are you even here?

(In the cuck chair)(starts booing)

(Wife looks over)(I do a roman emperor thumbs down)(she executes the other guy)

And the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls.

lol i went to delete a twitter account for reasons (i ran a satire account of my university’s president) and it wouldn’t let me.

for reference: the time between “turn into musk parody account” and “suspended” was 8 minutes

I keep seeing folks my age getting grumpy about early 2000s cell phone designs being described as "retro", and, like, let's be serious for once – those goofy things had kind of a retro vibe even when they were new. They were not a solution to a real problem that anyone had; they were like someone was trying to make Star Trek communicators real. Which was very cool compared to today's nondescript slabs of fragile glass, don't get me wrong, but let's not pretend we were on the aesthetic cutting edge here. It was 1960s sci-fi shit with more chrome.

dipping a large body of bread into hot stew and tearing off a chunk with your bared teeth is respectful and good. it shows the Earth we want to be here, and will fight to remain. our ancestors understood

bonus points if you hunker down over your bowl to prevent spills, but the overall effect is one of a Beast growling over a fresh kill to remind other Beasts to wait their damn turn

IT IS THE SEASON FOR STEW!!! 🗣️📣

hey this is your captain speaking. can everyone hold on real tight for a sec. i want to try something

As an adult I think me and all my friends should all have matching schedules and work like 20 hours a week and also everyone lives within 15 minutes of each other why is that so much to ask

the little girl i was looking after today was so effortlessly funny and she didn't even know it. she wanted me to play "holidays" with her, which i assumed was a game where you pretend to be going on holiday - and it technically was, except her version mostly consisted of roleplaying being stuck in a traffic jam on the way to the airport