HoneyLash

So some fanartist drew a “sexy” (read: booby) version of a (cartoon) character who is traditionally very non-sexualised. Fans of the character got mad about it because it’s kind of groundbreaking how that character is written and portrayed and this art totally ignores the entire point of the character. They demanded the art be deleted. In response to that other people said, well what the fanartist did may be distateful but they have every right to draw what they’re into. The two sides fight for days and each starts a harassment campaign and even report their “opponents’” accounts.

So far so typical. But things eventually come to a head and they decide that this will be settled by votes - not through a poll. Through donations to a children’s education charity via each side’s portal. Whoever can get the highest amount of donation wins.

i love you all and i need you to stop writing trauma as a single breakdown scene in the rain after which the character is Healed and Ready to Love Again. that is NOT trauma :(

⊹ Trauma doesn't announce itself. it shows up as your character suddenly not being able to eat a specific food, or going very quiet in a loud room, or laughing at the wrong moment because their nervous system decided that was the appropriate response. it's mundane and weird and it makes no sense from the outside. the dramatic flashback sequence is the least realistic part. the most realistic part is your character suddenly needing to leave a grocery store for a reason they can't articulate.

⊹ The body keeps score and it keeps it in the strangest places. a particular smell. the quality of light at a certain time of day. a tone of voice that sounds like someone who hurt them. your traumatised character doesn't think "this reminds me of the bad thing." their heart rate spikes and they don't know why. they feel wrong and they can't locate the feeling. they're irritable for three days and only later, if ever, do they make the connection. write the disconnection. it's more honest.

⊹ trauma also does not make people universally sympathetic and wise. it makes some people controlling. some people funny at inappropriate times. some people very good in a crisis and completely unable to handle a normal day. some people are generously kind to strangers and absolutely terrible to people they love. trauma shapes behaviour in contradictory, inconvenient ways that don't resolve into a lesson. your traumatised character can be difficult to like. that's not a flaw in the writing. that's the WRITING.

Part of socializing and having friends is being a good listener even when you don't actually give a shit about the subject.

Your are hurting other people's feelings when you bluntly respond with "Anyway..." and then change the topic.

It can not always be about your preferred topic.

i went to a show on the weekend and loved a band - big enough to tour nationally, small enough to be the opener at a $20 bar show. we chatted and i bought merch and it was perfectly lovely but i’d listened to their album since getting tickets and have come to love it in a much more specific and personal way than “awesome set, you guys were great”

in the past i would not have done anything with these feelings, and if i shared them with anyone it would have been my friends - certainly not the band. but instead i wrote them a long and earnest message the next day. embarrassing! horrible! but knowing what it has meant to me to receive such a message made me push through it and hit send even while wanting to pitch myself into a pit of personal mortification.

but what do you know, lo and behold, shocking no one except the cop and coward in my head, the lead singer replied thanking me, and talked more about their plans and music, in an even longer wall of text.

it’s things like this that keep me going as an artist, he said. thank you again, my heart is so full

anyways, so is mine, thinking of all the people who have told me exactly how something i shared made them feel, and made me confront how pointless and miserly it is to sit on my feelings and gratitude just because i am shy of showing them; what a sad dead end for the transformative touch of creation, when it could be reflected right back into the heart of the person who reached out into your guts in the first place.

Hermit a day Day 18 Alternative universe.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.