junk drawer of my brain

when you’re already in a bad mood and then you see a man with a stupid fucking mustache

you’re one of the three survivors after the apocalypse & the other two are visibly passing one of theirs’ phones back & forth having a secret conversation in a notes app

guys i have an idea for a movie it's about a musician ☺️ and it's a biopic 🤩 and it tells their story 🧐 because even though they were famous 🥳 they also had some struggles 😔 but also some good moments too 😊 don't you want to come relive their wikipedia page 🤗

you can’t give lana del rey more than 50 all time classics

I’m giving people until June to get these heated rivalry guys off my phone screen

sorry if i weirded you out with my messages earlier (remembers im trying to be more self confident) but actually it was normal of me to do so (becomes nervous im acting superior) because i am a human like everybody else and not better than anyone (remembers i am better than some people) except for really bad people (notices the ideological can of worms opened by previous clause) but anyone can work towards self improvement (remembers im trying to be more self confident) like meeee :)

Something funky’s going on. I give you a book… then suddenly I can’t read? I call Veronica a black widow and then the egg I gave her was filled with spiders even though when I checked it it was empty . 🫵 What are you? A wizard?

just got a call from the american psychiatric association. you old dogs, i said, picking up on the first ring. how many times i gotta tell you to lose this number. i don’t want you coming around here anymore. “listen, toots, we’ve been doing some thinking,” they says, and i says, guess there’s a first time for everything. “you’re a real funny dame, sugardoll. reviewing criticism, we’ve determined that the biggest issue with our previous diagnostic and statistic manuals of mental disorders is the anonymity of it all. we’ve been circling around a vague figure of the mentally well without defining the traits of a mentally well person. there’s no personality. what we need is a cute broad with a couple opinions to model the psychological norm.” so i’m saying back up and give it to me straight: i’m the new standard of sanity? can i get that in writing? and they say, “as the american psychiatric association we hereby state that you are the baseline and any deviations from your personality are deviations from the very concept of sanity, at least in the united states psychiatric system.” they’re making it public tomorrow. it’s a nice gig, if you really want to know. never thought they’d let a woman do it.

hayden: jackie's recovering pretty well, all things considered. yeah you remember how the twins were a little preterm it was so rough on jackie's body. yeah man she was so sick that entire pregnancy. this one went better of course but we were still scared. hell, i know i was scared. you wouldnt be able to tell with her. well you know how she is. tough as nails. her brother, yeah you remember him? he came to stay with us again, he's been a huge help looking after the kids...... a lifesaver. jackie wants to do more but... honestly man we werent even sure jackie could carry this one to term. i mean we were prepared for anything, at least we tried to be. anyway man sorry to ask but you wouldnt happen to be getting a blowjob right now would you?

white heathcliff. it’s me. margot robbie. i’ve come home to hollywoodland california. it’s so sunny. let me in your barbie dream car.