Dirk Gently's Y/N

Todd: I once had a haircut I deeply regret

Todd: do you think there really is a God?

Todd: have you ever considered you might be neurodivergent?

Todd, about Amanda and Vogel: they make a cute couple, don't they?

Todd: DIRK, COME HERE RIGHT NOW

Todd: of course I can speak Italian

Bart: Ken's chapstick tastes really good

Hobbs: Tina, are you high?

Tina: don't take this the wrong way, but I feel like you've become a lot more fun since I've known you

Todd: where did you go?

Dirk: lol. Heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this

Hugo: okay, I'm leaving

Ken: Bart and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Amanda: I just want you to know I will be mean to Dirk if you want me to be

Dirk: you look mentally ill