Murphy

i feel more antisocial than ever, so ofc that means it's time to come back here

work has me in a bit of survival mode at all times due to general discontent with my overall circumstances, but this year so far has been super healing in terms of finding hobbies i enjoy again. healing itself is truly exhausting, and no one ever really prepares you for the reality of what it takes to heal from being with a narcissistic abuser for 8 years, and how much you leaned on your fawning response for that time.

i lost a lot of myself, but even though things aren't perfect and i am making my own missteps in the process, i'm healing and finding my way back.

i have guilt over how much time to myself i've needed for this time. but i've started to think about it like an airplane oxygen mask, you need to secure your own before helping the person next to you. and i don't mean that in an overall selfish way, it's just been hard to navigate the guilt of being a shitty introverted friend to people i love very much. however, i am rarely in a great mental state to use spoons on social things, and i don't want to give people a subpar version of myself bc i shoot into overstimulated territory so fast.