Suicide attempt hc discussion but Sat here staring at the wall for a full hour doing nothing but thinking about Shane finding ilya after a suicide attempt and having to try to help and calling 911 just living such a bad nightmare he didn’t even realize he should be scared for it. Thinking the whole time if Ilya dies he’s next. He’s next. Ilya dying in his arms Shane covered in his blood as he tries to stop the flow as they wait for an ambulance to arrive (Ilya did not have it in him to go the same as his mama) and he’s just screaming and crying that he lost his baby :( most crucial to this is that Shane then lies to ilya and says the dog walker found him and called 911 then Shane. Shane didn’t see a thing. Don’t worry about Shane this is not a Shane moment Ilya there’s no reason to feel guilty trust me I love you . You are everything to me I just want you to feel better. I love you. You left me. But that’s okay! I’m okay! Let’s go for a walk. You were going to leave me forever. What do you want for breakfast? I love you! I saw you dying. You are the only thing that matters to me. There was so much blood. I saw you dying. The guilt is already eating Ilya aliveeeeeee btw when Yuna lied to Ilya for Shane abt who found him he was so relieved he was so grateful. It didn’t matter to him int the moment, his bad thoughts were just too much against it, but he’s so fucking glad it wasn’t Shane. He just wishes Shane would stop looking at him like he’s a ghost.
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