the world would genuinely be better off with you dead
You and I live in such different worlds. I have to imagine that the world you live in is a dark and unkind place where you often feel out of control; maybe you feel like the world is conspiring against you. Maybe sending suicide bait to people in the middle of the night is something that helps you feel like you have a modicum of control over the world. Maybe saying terrible things to others is a way of feeling more secure about yourself. I don’t know. I’m not in your head and thank the goddess for that.
But, as odd as this sounds, thanks for the perspective today. Ten years ago I might have agreed with you. Today, I have a full community that I show up for, I have incredible relationships with my loved ones. I have such a deep love for myself and the work that I do every day to make a better world for myself and others. The world would not be better without me, it would be poorer. Seeing the difference in my reaction to you lashing out was a powerful reminder. My life is marked by love and joy.
I would recommend seeking out professional help when you feel this unheard and small and petty. It’s probably a sign that your life is going in a direction that is causing you a lot of pain. Emotionally healthy people don’t talk to other humans like this; you’re pushing away community, connection, empathy, and happiness. I feel sorry for you, and you should feel sorry for you too. Do better.
