H.G. Beverly

Update from H.G. Beverly

Hello,

I’m so pleased that you’ve found my blog and sincerely hope that you find the answers and healing you need for a healthy recovery.

You can find my writing here and on Lovefraud.com, where you’ll also find a community of support.

I won’t be publishing posts for some time because I’m intently focused on two things:

Providing for my young family as a single mom—financially, emotionally, and…

Gut Instinct Isn’t Enough: Chapter 8

Everyone talks about “gut instinct,” but what is it? Is it really something you feel in your gut? In your heart? In your head? Does everyone have it? Are some people better than others at listening to their gut?

I’ve never talked to anyone who doesn’t believe that’s the case. People seem to believe that we all have a “gut instinct” about things, and that some people are better at recognizing it…

If I Explain It Right, He’ll Care: Chapter 7

In most of our daily arguments with people we love, both sides are right. It can be mind boggling to look across the table at your partner and realize that they feel just as certain in their position as you do in yours. Some of us withdraw at the point where two “right” sides meet because we hate conflict. Some of us love that spot and try to live as much of life as possible in the state of an…

Is It Really My Fault? A Victim Fights Back Against Victim-Blame

It’s your fault for letting yourself get hurt.

Just reading that sentence probably makes you agitated. But people say that about each other all the time. We blame victims for letting themselves get hurt. Now maybe you want to say, “NO I DON’T.” It’s offensive, right? We all want to be the kind of person who shows up with band-aids and soup and enough time to really listen and care about what…

The Cost of a Psychopath

I’ve been writing my next book and decided to share a piece of it. Here it is:

All my life, I’ve been surrounded by facts and figures about how many years you lose if you do certain things. Like smoke cigarettes. Or do drugs. Or drink too much alcohol. People like to threaten and motivate each other with scary statistics that encompass not only dangerous behaviors but also self-neglect. Like…

I received a text:

I am driving to Middleburg to sign paperwork. If u can sign today we will be done w all this stuff.

Want to celebrate?

My ex husband sent me this text on June 4, 2013. We’d been in court for most of seven years at that point, first for our divorce and then again when he filed for full custody of two of our three children and requested that I have no visitation. He only wanted the…

we would more consistently know exactly who we’re dealing with.

Their stats on getting away with murder would go (way) down.

They would be less likely to win full custody in divorce.

There would be more public awareness around who’s running certain companies.

And our public and professional belief that interactional assessments and…

Psychopaths as Predators: Protecting Children

A child predator is likely (but not always) a psychopath and not necessarily a stranger. Here are some points to consider when it comes to protecting your children.*

Be Present

People who prey on children are likely to seek out roles that give them time for intimate contact. That includes coaches, club advisors, teachers, pastors, and so on. Background checks are only useful if the individual has…

Telling Your Kids the Truth About a Psychopath

This post was written for Lovefraud.com in response to the following letter from a reader:

My daughter was very recently granted custody of the two daughters that resulted from her relationship with a sociopath.

An ongoing problem that I would LOVE to see you address on your website—how does one deal with the sociopath’s lies and manipulation of the children? Specifically—how do you tell the kids…

Co-Parenting with a Psychopath: Two Insiders Tell Us What It’s Like

by Quinn Pierce and H.G. Beverly

Quinn Pierce and H.G. Beverly both married and divorced psychopaths. They both have children with these men and are therefore connected to them for life. Here, they share their experiences and advice.

Let’s start with a big, looming question. When and how did you figure out you were with a psychopath?

Q.P. I had no idea I was married to a sociopath for most of my…

3 Signs You Should Stop Hurting the Sociopath in Your Life

So you’re wondering if you’re with someone who has a character disorder? Maybe a narcissist? Or a sociopath? If you are, you might often be accused of hurting that poor person. Here are three things you might be blamed for, otherwise known as red flags:

1. A person with a character disorder is not responsible for his or her life. You are.And if you don’t step up to the plate with a full wallet,…

3 Ways Cops Can Support a Sociopath

Think street cops are better trained to deal with sociopathy than the rest of us? Think again. Here are three ways that cops—at least the small town variety I’m most familiar with—can get pulled into aiding a sociopath:

1. Cops are just as likely as anybody else in the world to be charmed by a sociopath on the spot.

In my case, I called for help when my ex threatened to leave my house with our…

Holidays with a Sociopath

There’s no exact formula for spending life’s special events with a sociopath, but one thing’s for sure. It won’t be good for you.

With the 4th of July coming tomorrow, I decided to spend some time talking about life’s biggest events and sweetest moments. Weddings. Birthdays. Funerals. Births. Christmas. Hanukah. Anniversaries. And any other special time or ritual that gives our humanity a chance…

Devaluation and the Inability to Form Emotional Attachments

I’d like to start this post with a passage from the author Jesmyn Ward in Men We Reaped. Here, she talks about how she learned to undervalue herself when her dad left their family:

“I looked at myself and saw a walking embodiment of everything the world around me seemed to despise: an unattractive, poor, Black woman. Undervalued by her family, a perpetual workhouse. Undervalued by society…

The Sociopath as Coach, Part 2

Some sociopaths make the “best” coaches.

At least, that’s what everyone thinks at the time.

So during the athletic banquet at the end of each season, people will often spend more time applauding this beloved individual than they do the young players on the team. Even if those players just broke six individual records.

Parents will send “thank you” cards and gifts by the dozen to this coach.

Parti…

The Sociopath and His Dog

I’ll start by saying that the “his” in my title comes from the fact that this story is about my sociopathic male ex. That being said, I’m sure many of you can think of women who fit this unique description of an “animal lover.”

So let’s begin.

My ex loves to tell people how much he loves dogs. He’ll also say he loves horses and sheep and cows and chickens and all other sorts of farm and wild…

The Sociopath as Coach

So I married and divorced a sociopath, but we’re connected at the hip for life because we share three children.

(It’s been sixteen years so far.)

And last year, he sued for full custody of two of them. The boys. We’re still in court today, trying to work out the details of that.

Because despite all the issues I’ve experienced in the family court system since 2007, in this instance the…