IIIII'VE GOT NO FRIEEENDS

Competitive Smash Player Still Using a Gamecube Controller in 2018:

I just wanna point out that all the “No items, stock only, no stage effects” crew all are complete trash at the game. They’re great at FIGHTING GAMES, but complete Garbage at Smash Bros. Because instead of trying to learn the game, learn to play around the items, learn which stages do what, they just turn it all off (when you first start the game all the items and stage effects are on and you can’t turn them off in any of the modes except multiplayer melee).

And then if you do wanna play with items they try to shame you and claim that you’re “ruining the game” or “cheating” because “you can’t win without using items.” Guess what asswipe the intention is to play with the items that’s why they’re their in the first place for free with the base game.

OKAY SO I had a coworker who was otherwise a standard clueless Straight White Guy, but this dude loved his wife and he knew her real good. And his wife LOVES shitty grocery store icing. So the first thing she’d always do with any cake is shove her fingers into the corner and scoop off whatever abomination of a flower was on there and eat it off her fingers. SO THIS DUDE GOES TO THE STORE AND HAS THEM MAKE A WHOLE CAKE OUT OF FROSTING Brings it home to his wife for her birthday She shoves her fingers into it and then they just keep going FROSTING ALL THE WAY DOWN He said the look on her face was the best thing he’d ever seen in his life It gives me hope that even a clueless Straight White Guy knew and loved his wife enough to give her the perfect birthday present cake frosting abomination

Then I listened to his album, wherein he sings about:

decomposing in a field with his love and getting eaten by foxes

being dug out of the dirt by his love, who he implores to kiss him “like real people do”, implying that neither of them are real people

observing the world as an outsider (“happy to lie back, watch it burn and rust; we tried the world, good god it wasn’t for us”)

rising from his grave to crawl home to his love

“the bog man”