yeah, that's about it

Jumping from child care to private security really messes with you. I keep saying "oopsie daisy" and encouraging drunk folks to "go home, drink some water and take a nap, and let's try again in 24 hours, okay?" Best part by far is that it's working. Guy went like he was going to fight me the other day and his buddy said "you leave the nice lady alone"

The flip side of "children are human" is that hey a bunch of things that work on kids also work on adults who would've guessed.

isn't it insane though how schizophrenic people are viewed as violent and dangerous by the majority of society when in reality schizophrenic people are nearly 14 times more likely to be on the receiving end of violence than to be the perpetrators...

What the fuck happens that changes these stats to such a massive degree?

also schizophrenic people and psychotic people in general, please do a lot of research before picking a provider for your own sake, and if they try to treat your psychosis in a way that you think is harmful then don’t hesitate to switch providers. your safety and wellbeing should be a priority over everything else.

can y'all please reblog this version instead

Oh man I can't believe I forgot. You know that post that was like "tell me what clothes you've bought because of a character" or whatever. I searched for ages to find an adequate white cable knit sweater because of Ransom's in knives out.

I don't knit but that's hilarious because this looks like such a complicated pattern for a beginner

Oh it is. There's at least three different styles of cabling. And more advanced cabling at that. That sweater would take me like a year to finish.

All the cabling is done the same way. You just need to read your knitting and keep track of which row you're on

You sound like me telling a beginner crocheter "nah the alligator stitch is easy for a beginner, it's all just double crochets!" (a real thing I have said to people picking up a crochet hook for the first time). I'm not saying you can't start with a complicated stitch I'm saying it's very funny when people do.

Back during the time when it was popular to bash Twilight for both legitimate reasons (Edward being borderline abusive to Bella, the whole child grooming plot point in Breaking Dawn, etc.) and not (REAL VAMPIRES DON’T SPARKLE THATS GAY), I saw this meme on Facebook where it was Louis and Lestat from Interview With The Vampire commenting on Edward’s sparkling and making fun of him for being gay. Like… Buddy My Guy. My Fair Dude. My Dear Sweet Homophobic Idiot. Not only are the Vampires in IWTV super duper gay, you’re lying to yourself if you think Lestat wouldn’t slam dunk his entire body into a tub of glitter on any given occasion. You Fool. You Imbecile.

@wicked-felina

Nails hair hips heels ass fat lips real purse full big bills bitch I'm a big deal legs legs face eyes thin waist thick thighs you me you wish new phone who this pussy puss puss give them cunt cunt cunt bitch mama yes god when you pop that tongue bitch this whole club is my runway run bitch y'all 5 4 3 2s I'm a 1 bitch girl what did that girl just say girl ooh girl I don't dance I work work I don't play I slay I don't walk I strut strut strut and then sasshay but I don't work for free that's not the tea hunty so make it rain on me and I might let you see watcha gonna let them see

the place where so many haunted house genre stories fall apart is where the writers try to explain why the house is haunted and it completely defangs the story because the explanation is never as scary as the haunting itself. "this house is haunted and bad things happen here" can be so artful and outrageously scary. "this house is haunted because Specified Bad Thing Happened Here" falls flat again and again. i'm not saying it can't be done but i'm almost never satisfied by it and often it ruins the whole story for me.

proud victim of the tumblr accent. it's fading out of public consciousness as the tik tok accent takes precedence; a linguistic evolution that makes the tumblr accent 85% funnier to unsuspecting civilians. it's like releasing a disease on a non-inoculated population. coughing baby versus hydrogen bomb.

"there is no way you're not using chatgpt for at least a few things here and there no matter your stance on it" what the FUCK are you talking about

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.

It's so nice being on tumblr because you don't even have to make your own post but people would still follow you anyways if you're good at rebloging posts they like