yeah, that's about it

there was a dark period of my life (about a week) where I was so enthused with my ice cream making that I decided I'd just eat it for breakfast every day and it seemed fine for maybe two days but then I started to feel a bit like a corpse animated by moonlight in a way I couldn't shake throughout the rest of the day

genuinely felt like a snow elf for a bit there. walking around thinking about how I didn't strictly need anything to survive, but needed a cold and dark place to lie down. started feeling like I could only speak second languages and every human I spoke to was living in the lower world, like I breathed at a rhythm they couldn't keep

which, granted, is not how one should react to the knowledge "I had ice cream for breakfast and you didn't"

watching my promised afternoon thunderstorm slip from a 90% chance to a 20% chance.... baby come back i can change

would y’all ever date someone with the same name as you?

I’m sorry for adding directly to a post but I went to a wedding once where the groom’s name was Loren and the bride’s name was Lauren and at the end the officiant was all “introducing Loren [surname] and Lauren [surname], husband and wife” and the entire assembled lost it

also sorry for adding on but at my high school there was a Dominic and a Dominique who were dating and everyone just called them “Dom and Dommer” which is honestly the funniest shit ever

Had to submit it to the tags for peer review

I know a woman with 2 first names, whose last name growing up was Chapman. She married a man whose last name was Chapman. So her name is Something Someone Chapman Chapman.

My friend Sam is dating someone else named Sam. They refer to this as Sams Club.

How were the schemes Were the schemes successful

There is a woman with a kickass sword and she is being sososo humble about it but you can tell deep down she thinks she’s better than everyone else.

I mean, she is but still.

The psychic horses are all white with blue eyes which is of course Diana wynne jones tough guide to fantasyland style “color coding” meant to tell us they are magical and good but look at any photo of a white horse with blue eyes and tell me if you are reassured by its presence

unintended side effect: no tail so our heads got bigger to counter balance and keep us from constantly falling over. enormous skull now full of brain benefit of brain - made friends with wolves problem with brain - v. fragile and invented capitalism

brain so fragile, meat so huge :(

hunting down tumblr posts i see on pinterest part 1323

He got the shark equivalent of the 2am zoomies.

me and the boys have a couple of chains wrapped around the sword in the stone hooked up to mikes toyota tundra gonna pull that fucker out like a tooth.

Me and the boys misunderstood the arcane nature of the stone and now the Toyota is king of England

know intrinsically why nobody brings this up in their cutey selfcare posts and im aware how risky talking about piss is on here but sometimes if you feel deeply and gnawingly insane and have tried eating and sleeping and everything else already you may need to just go to the bathroom. believe me when i say a mild uti can drive an honest man 2 madness. go piss girl or whatever

change your underwear as well ESPECIALLY if youve had that shit on for 2 days or more

what if instead of things making you put on weight they made you put on height. fucking up a buffet and coming out like 2 foot taller

i'd feed my gnome child lard so he wouldn't get heightcrimed

do you have a gnome child normally or is that a this situation only thing