pyromaniac

Sam Handwich.

you put a dog on a diet and he'll start begging for plain ass vinegar like he's christ on the cross

NOOOOOO OH MY GOD LMAO

That is a new level of containment breach

Stop saying that my son looks like a tragic backstory wife 😭

i cant believe im almost 20 and i still have never gotten drunk or gotten high

cant believe im almost 30 and i've never kissed anyone

i cant believe i'm almost 80 and i've never left my grotto or heard another person's voice or tasted even a morsel of food

I referred to something as a "real Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra moment" in conversation with someone who has never seen TNG, and let me tell you, that was a real Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra moment

Early bird so early he starts the night before

*flies past*

new mychart message! aw damn....doc says my reality and existence lab work was wayyy off so she's referring me to an Ontologist

new evidence shows dogs have "intuitive mastery of the bessemer steelmaking process", backing up centuries of anecdotes by blacksmiths in which a dog would whine and bark in distress when pig iron was heated without sufficient access to air in their presence. "It's possible Bessemer or others who claimed to have invented the process were inspired by the behavior of dogs, or that dogs communicated the details of this vital industrial process to them by unknown means", paper concludes