🛸Hi, I'm Elliot🛸

im at the soup convention and many strong and beautiful women are talking about how delicious and nutrient rich my broth is and they didnt even mention you

this is my fucking worst nightmare

…They did what… to you? No. I will make them pay. You’re fucking mine. And nobody, nobody, lays a goddamn finger on you.

Me when I get my car back from the mechanics and the adjustment on my seat is all wrong

This is the funniest fucking addition

Just learned that the guy who made the Garfield "You are not immune to propaganda" started selling NFT's

Dangerous discovery of the day: at least one species of bioluminescent mushroom has been successfully cultivated, so you can turn your yard into an eerie glow-in-the-dark fae garden

its kinda fruity when boys put the car in reverse 

if david lynch was a crab hed be called david pinch and hed be able to edit his movies by hand with his sharp claws. so think about that a little

i love really niche subreddits that have been isolated for so long they’ve radicalized themselves in some bizarre unnecessary way to the extent that whenever anyone comments something like “i think water is real” it gets -500 downvotes

from GLaDOS' perspective the portal games are "enemies to lovers" full of drama and romantic emotional turmoil, and from Chell's perspective it's just the worlds shittiest weekend

breaking news: prince philip, the dad from the royal family, is a nasty little thottie. and he just died from making it clap on instagram

love drinking water while taking a piss every chance i get to remind myself of my status as, ultimately, just a loud little tube with opinions

single btw