Hi there! I’m Heal, a service sub and housewife to my wonderful partners, and usually a subtop outside of that. <3
Remade my account since I've been off the site for years and my kinks changed just a little when I transitioned. Mostly, turns out I function best in a TPE dynamic? Own me.
22, transfem, and bi but only barely; I mean, have you seen women.
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so ur at the party right and there’s this girl in the corner with another girl on a leash with the puppy ears on standard stuff and u start talking to her and she introduces the girl on the leash and says “this is my little puppy, Emily. say hi Emily” and the leash girl does a little bark at u and u say “oh that’s nice” and ur looking for a way to avoid the awkward silence during a 4 second period that feels like a half hour so u ask “does she know any tricks?” so the girl says “come on girl, show ‘em” and the puppy girl gets up pulls out a skateboard and starts doing the sickest kick flips u ever saw
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this one kinda hurts when i see it every pride month. im glad to see an art piece of mine still circulating, and with nearly 100,000 notes too! it just hurts that im separated from it. everyone in the notes thinks im gone. im still here, but my potential community and connection is lost because im forgotten in place of the art. yeah, my deactivated profile does add to the profoundness of what i was saying, but i am still removed.
it's actually so crazy how much the simpsons would fucking suck if it didn't have any of the simpsons characters. just a bunch of shots of empty houses and streets for half an hour while nothing happens. that would be so badddd lol
yeah that tends to happen when you remove characters from media. without characters its all just background. i guess movies set in scenic locations would still land as kinda nature docs but even then
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One particular turn of phrase I find amusing is when you beat someone badly enough in something (usually a competition or some sort of debate) you say they are “owned.” I find this phrasing interesting and it doesn’t make me horny even a little bit
tme, saw my friend get bullied out of a TTRPG group for speaking about her experiences n frustrations with transmisogyny, still furious about it. they turned on her so fucking quickly and she didnt even do anything wrong, she literally bent over backwards not to cause a stink and then they STILL sought her out in private to explain to her why what she did was "wrong", several times and through several people.
no matter how loud we were and how many times we told them what they were doing was wrong, cruel and disgusting, they thought that we just "didn't understand" and that somewhere, there was a correct combination of words that would make us less transfeminist.
and the thing is!!! before it all went to shit!! I'd literally talked and complained about transmisogyny!! several times, even. but it was brushed off and everyone would proceed as normal. but the second a trans woman talked about the exact same fucking thing they went completely mask off in less than a day. im still reeling because i guess it was the first time i saw it happen firsthand in a personal setting. i guess it was the two-facedness of it all and the refusal to take any responsibility after the fact. it was so disgusting
being a trans woman will reveal to you the horrible secret B-sides of kind, ordinary people
it never ever stops being hot to have a kink you know was brainwashed into you. "even when--" whatever you're thinking of just made it even hotter because it became scary and/or morally complex, both things that give it a multiplier effect. if you don't agree with me now, you will when the wand's buzzing and cishet kaa porn ain't doing it for you and your mind starts wandering to all the places it shouldn't
I really should have the ability to corrupt girls' bodies when I control them. Varying degrees and types for different girls, of course, I feel it should align with how they're being corrupted mentally. If it's purely a matter of ownership, I think some tattoos (especially ones that glow) would be perfect, spreading across their body, glowing brighter when I take control, when I force them to obey. Plus it'd be lovely to show off their devotion written into their skin. Making someone an extension of my will, empty, mine and nothing more, it'd be kinda cute if their body began to change to fit my specific preferences. Turning them into a weapon, maybe they get a little more muscular. Gods, or the idea of making them a little more demonic, making them, well, like me. I'll admit, I'd certainly want it to fit their ideal as well, so changing it towards their idea of how they'd want to look would be lovely. Of course, I'd be sure to leave in some clear signs of corruption, markings of my ownership.
And alongside that, as a bit of a smaller thing, I think I rather enjoy the idea of corrupting their fashion sense too. Of course the idea of hypnotizing someone or just conditioning them to accept however I dress them would be fun, but it'd be cute if their actual tastes went along with it too. If I wanted a pet to be a drone, they'd find themselves moving towards shiny leather or latex more often, pure devotion could result in them taking a similar kinda gothy clothing style to mine. Maybe making them dress a bit more slutty though, wanting to show themselves off to please me. A girl who's a pet struggles to feel comfortable without a collar, a thrall feels odd if there isn't a bite mark visible on her neck. Feel like it'd be fun to see how their new role affects their fashion sense.
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yeah whatever the second best time to plant a tree is now there is always time it's never too late etc etc. but also like half of my problems ultimately trace back to "there was never a chance in hell of me getting on estrogen early enough to avoid the damage testosterone did to me" and I'm allowed to be upset or atleast miffed about it
oh you figured it out too late? Well that's a moot point really because your family would've been unaccepting at the time and your country's medical system's method of trans healthcare is "waste as much time as possible in the hopes they detransition or die" so like yeah no matter what it was kinda inevitable you'd have broad shoulders narrow hips and have to spend a bunch of money on laser
and like yeah whatever cis women have those too, I'm #fucking valid or whatever. shut uppp I don't caaaaaaare. I don't need to be welcomed to womanhood. I don't need reassurance that clocky girls are valid. I don't even care about passing that much I just want to look in the mirror without being upset. can I have that. can I fucking mourn. can I be a little pissed off and sad that I have to deal with this? can you fucking handle that without shutting me down and telling me I'm wrong to feel dysphoria about anything in the first place?
Binding your swornsister's soul to your blade, that she may stay with you even after her death to revel in your joint battles, is all fine and good until it's been a decade since your last good fight—longer still since any real battle—and she's still in there, and you can hear her crying every night, longing for the grip of your palm and the guts of your enemies. And of course she won't let you be, even in your dreams, appearing there too. Whole and young as the day she died, while you've gotten older and timeworn. Gripping her pretty head by the hair and driving her skull through the chest of some faceless foe, the air is sparkling like diamonds. The blood's all over her and she's smiling at you, fucking blissed-out and naked, because of course she's naked, she's only doing this to fuck with you.
So you take her down off the mantel, and before the sun's really up, just blue-gray on the horizon— reflecting off her, the blade you've never had to clean or sharpen—you stumble from your home. And with your bare feet in the early spring dirt and your bare hand on the leather wrap of her grip, she talks to you again. Denies the dream. Won't admit she's doing it on purpose. Pretending like she isn't the one doing this to you. Playing coy.
Someone sees you, and you see him back. You know him. You always know them. You actually live here, in this shithole town where no one asks that many questions. He nods at you, the gesture of something small and dumb and dead. He hasn't seen your state, not yet. Half dressed and wild eyed with sleep deprivation. Naked sword in your practiced hand.
Haven't had a good fight in a decade. Still true, this guy isn't fighting you. Slip her into him, feel the POP of the skin and fat, the slick glide of the intestines, the clattering of bone and it's already over.
Wrench her up! Tear him open! She's happy. She's there with you.
"Good girl."
You say it into her pommel, which happens to be next to the guy's ear. If he was listening, he dies very confused, but it was just a little dirty talk.
They'll find him in the morning and say he got robbed. Or a scuffle gone wrong. One of his buddies, probably. Or some drifter from somewhere else. Always goes that way. The men who don't know their jobs are to clean up your messes will nod at you in the morning as you pass by on your walk to the docks. Just like he did.
She's back on your mantel for not quite a week before it all starts up again. Not dreams this time, but hauntings. Things thrown and dropped. Odd noises in the dark. Fucking brat.
Good's never good enough for her, is it? She always wants more. Fine. You can give her a little more. Start wearing her around. Show off your jewelry. Invite someone to really try you. And they do. They always do. Can't throw a rock in this world without hitting someone looking to prove anyone can best a swordswoman.
You're at the bar when the rock hits home. He's drunker than you are, face red with it, and his buddies are all behind him jeering while he prods at you. Like you need the provocation. You've been shivering with glee since you saw him stand up. Next time he touches you, you bite him. He's a bleeder, barely nipped at the skin and you're covered in the stuff.
"Jealous?" you ask her, tucked neatly in her scabbard. Now that the idea's struck you, the whole thing lays itself out so neatly in your mind. You throw a punch. She doesn't feel anything. You knock one of his teeth out. She's biting at the leather you've got her in. You break his arm and claw at his eyes and she stays exactly where you have her. She gets to play the cuckold and it's delicious to deny her.
Until one of his dumbshit friends grabs her right from under your nose. Too busy chewing your food? He's a scrawny kid but he's got a good few scars to show for himself, and he's holding her not without any skill.
And-
This is so much better. God she's so fucking hot like that. You can take care of him easily enough, but halfway through dodging and weaving around his swings, you realize what's happening. She's fucking helping him. You're fighting her.
Its good, it's so good. Like having the bitch back from the dead, she can turn even this pimplefaced idiot into her avatar. You shoot the cartilage of his nose up into his skull and he falls into a heap. Didn't even know that could really happen, but it does and you can feel her squirming when you do it.
She got you, once. A little line of pink flesh is poking out from under your eye. It's going to scar nasty. You'll have to get her back for it. Soon enough, you do. Same routine, new bar. Pick a fight with the biggest group of men you see, wait for one of them to take her and then make sure you're the only two people left standing.
She plays dirty. Knows all your tics. It's heaven. She's alive every time you fight her. You're young as long as she's facing you down.
Until you're not. Someone gets you with a chair to the shoulders. Shouldn't faze you, and it's not like he didn't get what he had coming, but… but it takes you months to recover enough to go back out. Then someone hits it again, a year later. Same spot. With a metal pipe. Reopens all the old wounds, and doubles the old pain. She has to intervene, and the guy holding her slips suddenly, impaling himself and his pipe wielding friend in the fall.
You both reach the same conclusion on the limping walk home. This can't go on any longer. You're not keeping up with her. She visits you in your dreams again, this time to soothe you. It breaks something deep in your guts, this kindness from her. Feels to final. Shatters itself and tears you open. The fear you hadn't felt since you were a teenager. Death. Looming over you. Can't bear to lose this. Lose your nights together.
She's got an idea. Just have to find the right instrument.
"And you'll inset the hilt with this." You hand the blacksmith a jewel. "Doesn't even have to be visible, just has to be in there."
"Looks all scratched up," he squints at the near imperceptible script you've carved into the surface of the jewel. That's half the work done, there. The easy half, she reminds you from your hip. You tell her that she had you to do the hard part for her, the little princess.
"Just do it. I'm sure paying you more than enough. Then once it's ready, I want you to wrap it in this," you hand him the cloth. It's stained deep brown with your dried blood. The blacksmith's face pales. "And burn it. while it's still over the blade."
He looks at the money you're paying him, in advance, and then back to you. Wonder if he knows what you're planning?
Two weeks and three days later, it's ready. You watch him burn the wrap. Has his assistant do it. No one talks. There's nothing left to say. You pull the sword out of the ashes—still hot, it burns the skin off your hand, not that that matters anymore—and give the blacksmith a tip. It's more than what you paid in the first place.
"Well then." You were never good with words. "Got a will in my pocket."
Awkward angle, but it'll work.
Trachea to Tits to Navel to Crotch. It's a wonderful sword. Practically cut yourself in two with one swing. Then you're dying. Real fast, the world's spinning around you. Around and around. She's there with you, arm in arm, you're both young again and everything's so beautiful.
Now you've a metal body, rigid and sharp and drinking up the last of your own blood. The swap is instant. You're like her now. And she's there with you. You laugh, but only she hears you. The blacksmith's screaming.
They find your will right where you said it'd be. Pretty simple stuff, you think.
"Give one of my swords to the strongest person left in town. Give the other to the second strongest." Everyone's hesitant, but you're the real deal, a legend by this point, so they do it. Now all that's left is a little nudging from her and you, and soon you'll get to fight again.
The first time your steel meets hers it's better than any kiss. Hotter than any sex you'd ever had, and more intense than any previous fight. Neither of you has to hold back anymore. It doesn't matter if you kill the other, because that wasn't really you at all. Someone else will come along and pick you up and then you'll start again. Across back alleys, dueling halls, and battlefields, you fight her over and over. There are near misses where you kill a thousand men in search of the one wielding her, too much chaos to find each other. You laugh about it between swings when next you meet. There might be decades where you can't make it happen, years sitting in a chest or armory, but you both know that it's only a matter of time. The mountain of corpses you leave behind will grow higher and higher, until it eclipses the sun. Even then you'll still fight her in the dark. 'Til no hand is left to hold you. On a dead world, you'd spark and scrape against each other long into the eternal night.
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