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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Not today Justin

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@hazardouswastrel

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this is in my history book about prohibition in the 1920s and i’m laughing so hard oh my gooooood
i had a dream where tornadoes were made illegal or something i just remember like a dozen police cars driving directly toward a tornado with their sirens on and all getting sucked into the tornado
my "I'm with the boomers on this one" take is that I should not need an app to park my fucking car. increasingly when I'm out and about and need to use public parking, the only option is an app. no. no. give me a meter I can plug the loose change from the bottom of my purse into. worst comes to absolute worst give me a machine to insert my credit card which prints a receipt for the dashboard of my car (I don't like those either but at least they are on site). "to pay for parking, download our app!" why don't you download my ass
if u ever find a genie and you’re really craving a dessert that looks like this:
do NOT say “i’d like a lifetime supply of raspberry crowns”
while this is, in fact, the name of the pastry, it’s ALSO the name of a species of wasp for some reason. the genie, being a nasty trickster, will no doubt give you a bunch of wasps.
this is an oddly specific post are you ok

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Did you check the weather? - Jeremy Miranda , 2024.
American , b. 1980 -
Acrylic on board , 7 x 8 in.
been doing a LOT of analog note-taking / journaling / planning lately (new years' resolution fulfilled! yes!), and I've slowly but surely started writing mostly in cursive again.
that said, I'm old (almost 35, ew) so I have questions.
when you're writing on paper, you use...
cursive pretty much ALWAYS
MOSTLY cursive
roughly equal cursive / printing
MOSTLY printing
printing pretty much ALWAYS
what's cursive?
what's paper?
if you want to RB this and put you age / locale / whatever else you think is relevant in the tags, that'd be very cool
@inneskeeper this seems relevant to your interests
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! SHE DOIBLES DOWN!
It is actually rare that I get shown stuff that could ACTUALLY be the spawning point of a new and proper named heresy within Holy Roman Catholicism.
“Jesus actually survived the crucifixion” is legitimately one of the most terrifyingly viable heretical traditions you could start. It fulfills the exact ramifications for a popular and overwhelming heresy: It supports and glorifies Christ’s strength (so powerful he could not die in a meaningful way), encouraging different theological philosophies and understandings of the source material, and is COMPLETELY RUINOUS about the WHOLE POINT of Jesus as the Lamb of God. He is destined to die to take on the sins of all humanity forever so we can br forgiven. The death and the resurrection of Christ after his journey into Hell for three days is cosmologically as important as the Trinity. It is one of the pivotal foundations of the entirety of the religion.
If Jesus didn’t die, he didn’t die for us. That changes a LOT of things. But it is at its root a heresy which is not anti-Christian and is instead just a completely irreconcilable veneration.
I love this woman. I need to encourage her to be like this.
tOxIcItY iS a ChArAcTeR tYpE this is fucking amazing
Okay it’s been several hours and I’m still not even slightly over this.
Like, Jesus said “I am the resurrection and the life, except the resurrection bit is metaphorical, because I’m too swole to actually die.”
“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, but not really, for he made his only begotten son super fucking butch. Like, obviously way too butch to actually succumb to a little crucifying.”
“Pilate was surprised to hear that he was already dead. Summoning the centurion, he asked him if Jesus had already died. The centurion said to him, ‘Jesus is too shredded to kill, he’s like the Terminator, nothing can take him out.’ Pilate sent Joseph away with nothing, for Jesus was indestructible.”
“The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified but absolutely did not die. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he was just taking a little nap. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He never died, you all really jumped the gun this time.’”
“The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of men, but it would take an atomic bomb to kill him, he’ll be fine.”
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, for he shall be positively jacked, and for his swollage will enable him to bung the biggest rock he could lay his turkey-sized hands upon those that displease him. Amen.
the default way for things to taste is good. we know this because "tasty" means something tastes good. conversely, from the words "smelly" and "noisy" we can conclude that the default way for things to smell and sound is bad. interestingly there are no corresponding adjectives for the senses of sight and touch. the inescapable conclusion is that the most ordinary object possible is invisible and intangible, produces a hideous cacophony, smells terrible, but tastes delicious. and yet this description matches no object or phenomenon known to science or human experience. so what the fuck
this is what ancient greek philosophy is like
False! “Sightly” is a positive word, so the default way for things to work is good as well.
The true most ordinary object is beautiful, horrible sounding, very smelly, intangible, and delicious.
I still don’t think it matches anything in existence but to truly understand a thing one must know its true nature.
"touchy" is also a word! however it's mostly used for things that aren't objects, like subjects of conversation. it either means "oversensitive and irritable" or "requires careful handling/wording, delicate"
i think the second one works well for our hypothetical object. so we can use that.
therefore, the Default Object is:
beautiful
makes a horrendous sound
smells absolutely awful
is very fragile
tastes delicious
and i still cannot think of anything that matches this
behold, the default object!
he's a stand-up comedian btw. y'all should go follow his socials he's amazing

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Let’s goooooooo
“Every day we slaughter our finest impulses. That is why we get a heartache when we read those lines written by the hand of a master and recognize them as our own, as the tender shoots which we stifled because we lacked the faith to believe in our own powers, our own criterion of truth and beauty. Every man, when he gets quiet, when he becomes desperately honest with himself, is capable of uttering profound truths. We all derive from the same source. There is no mystery about the origin of things. We are all part of creation, all kings, all poets, all musicians; we have only to open up, only to discover what is already there.”
— Henry Miller, Henry Miller on Writing
The chronicle of the monk Herbert of Reichenau for the year 1021 ends “My brother Werner was born on November 1.“
1021 was not an uneventful year. The emperor began a campaign into Italy. Illustrious abbots died. There was an earthquake. But Herbert took the time to note, at the end of the year, that his brother was born.
Of such acts of tenderness is history made.
This post broke through the shell of crustiness on my medievalist heart and made me go ‘aww’.
There was a medieval parenting manual that recommended parents smack pieces of furniture their toddlers bumped into and scold the furniture for being so naughty as to get in the way, so that the kids would laugh and forget about their bumps and bruises
I read that and my heart melted
(source: Medieval Women by Deirdre Jackson. She cited the primary source but I cannot for the life of me find the book to check what it was called)
We should hold a thousandth birthday party for Werner in a couple of years.
In 11th century Constantinople, the historian, philosopher, monk, and general insufferable know-it-all Michael Psellos once wrote a letter to his infant grandson. He begins like this:
“Perhaps I will not live to see you, dearest newborn and offspring of my soul, when you reach adolescence, if God so wishes it, or when you mature; for the days of my life are failing and the time approaches when its thread will be cut short. I have therefore decided to address this speech to you in advance of that day and reciprocate your innate charm with the graces of speech. I should be ungrateful and entirely thoughtless if at a time when your perceptions and thoughts are undeveloped (though as far as I alone am concerned you are perfect in these respects, insofar as you hear my voice and feel my affection, cling to my neck, slip into my embrace, and put up with my annoying kisses), I should be ungrateful, I say, if I myself failed to render to you a fitting return.”
He then goes on to praise his grandson, who is the most HANDSOME and INTELLIGENT and RATIONAL child ever born. (No seriously, he calls a four-month-old baby “rational” – rationality and moderation were considered important virtues so OBVIOUSLY his grandson was full of them.)
He observes every little thing the baby does – breastfeeding, taking baths, fussing, babytalking – with unrestrained marvel and delight, complete with flowery descriptions:
“[Your eyes] moved cheerfully, whenever a smile was about to come upon you. It sufficed for me to take note of this only once—I needed no Delphic tripod or bacchic ecstasy—to prophesy without hesitation from the kindly look in your eyes that you were about to laugh. And, true enough, you moved your lip slightly, blushed, and, behold! you laughed.”
He takes special pride that the baby likes him, and puts himself in the picture too:
“And when I would see you becoming perplexed, I immediately snatched you away from your toys, took you up in my hands, and lifted you up in the air until you were full of joy.”
He wishes him to lead a happy life. He calls him “my living pearl, the ornament of my soul”. And he ends the letter like this:
“May you obtain all that you love, but especially education and good sense, which alone can elevate the soul to its proper beauty and which constitute understanding of the more profound things. I wrote all this for you while holding you in my arms and kissing you insatiably.”
Isn’t it incredible? Translation by Anthony Kaldellis, from Mothers and Sons, Fathers and Daughters: The Byzantine Family of Michael Psellos (University of Notre Dame Press, 2006).
I love the fact that “anyway, BABY” especially, “BABY RELATED TO ME!” appears to be a fairly universal emotion.
A REMINDER THAT WERNER OF REICHENAU’S THOUSANDTH BIRTHDAY IS IN FIVE DAYS Y'ALL
And after the past few years we all deserve something to celebrate..
Happy birthday Werner!
Ursula K. Le Guin

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a dude came into the library stoned out of his mind and was like, “do I need a library card to look at books?” And I said, “to take books home, yes. To look at them, no” and he looked so relieved. bro was staring at a fish encyclopedia for like an hour and then just left.
this is literally all society needs to be
“Here’s my question. If the ghost wants nothing more than to be witnessed, why would it appear behind you, not in front of you? The only answer I can think of is this: it appears behind you because it already knows, to an absolute certainty, that you will have no choice but to look back.”
— I Am In Eskew, David Ward