EVIE GIVING PERCY RULES ON HOW TO BE CHILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN
COOL DUO I THINK WOULD BE COOL TOGETHER
Setting: Camp Half-Blood. Percy is sitting on the steps of the Big House after yet another quest briefing. He’s stressed, covered in scratches, and staring into the distance. Evie walks over with her signature confident grin.
Whoa. You look like someone just told you blue cookies are canceled.
Worse. Chiron says I have to “prepare responsibly.”
Responsible? Percy Jackson? That’s tragic.
I’m serious. Every time I finally relax, another prophecy shows up. Another monster. Another world-ending crisis. I don’t even remember what “chilling” feels like.
EVIE: (drops onto the step beside him)
You’ve officially enrolled in my masterclass.
(She stands up and clears her throat.)
Welcome to How to Be Chillin’ Like a Villain, taught by yours truly.
That sounds… slightly concerning.
Exactly. Rule number one.
(She points dramatically.)
Stop looking like you’re personally responsible for keeping the planet spinning.
(She covers his mouth for a second before removing her hand.)
The world existed before you. It’ll survive while you take a snack break.
(She flicks a pebble into the lake.)
Your enemies expect panic.
(She leans back casually.)
Imagine you’re fighting a giant sea monster.
That happens more than you’d think.
“Oh no! A giant monster!”
“Seriously? You interrupted my lunch?”
Confidence damages egos harder than swords.
Okay… that’s actually kind of funny.
See? You’re smiling already.
Make chaos your roommate.
I don’t think I invited chaos.
Chaos doesn’t wait for invitations.
So instead of trying to control everything—
Improvisation is basically your superpower anyway.
Annabeth would hate hearing that.
…You’re weirdly motivational.
Never let the villain know they’re ruining your day.
You know what’s terrifying?
Someone who smiles while winning.
You know what’s more terrifying?
Someone who smiles while losing because they already know they’ll get back up.
That’s… actually kind of awesome.
Give them sarcasm instead.
I can definitely do sarcasm.
It’s one of your love languages.
So what’s the last lesson?
(Evie becomes unexpectedly sincere.)
Don’t let being a hero erase the kid underneath.
To sit by the lake and skip rocks.
then the monsters already stole something from you.
(Percy looks out across the water.)
I never really thought about it like that.
Saving the world is important.
Am I officially chillin’ like a villain now?
EVIE: (pretends to inspect him)
Definitely more blue food.
I’d say you’re getting there.
Hey—that’s Annabeth’s nickname.
She’s not using it right now.
(Percy laughs as they walk toward the dining pavilion, the weight of the world feeling just a little lighter.)
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